Why do some people think everyone should try to look conventionally attractive?

[Anonymous]

I've had people tell me (unprompted) that my outfit or my hairstyle is "unflattering" and "men don't find it attractive." My brother has been told that he will never find a girlfriend or be taken seriously unless he stops painting his nails. Among other things that should not concern them because it's none of their business and we didn't ask.

• 1. Not all women want a man and not all men want a woman.
• 2. Not all women who want a man dress and style themselves exclusively for men. A lot actually do this for herself, how she likes to look. (And same for men.)
• 3. Even if she is a woman who likes men and is explicitly trying to attract men by how she dresses—she's not trying to attract you. Unless she asks you for your opinion, don't just randomly give it. She's may just be looking for a man who likes a certain type of woman, and is dressing for that niche. (Same for men).

Seriously what is up with some people assuming everyone wants their advice for how to attract generic opposite-sex partners? Do they not realize its weird to make comments/insults like that—especially if you aren't even friends?

[JacobJordan]

If you don't want comments on your appearance don't dress in a manner that invites it. Both my wife and I rarely get comments on how we dress because we aren't dressing in a manner that invites that.

[Asker]

I don't wear anything that says "rate me 1-10" or "ask me about my life life"—I rarely wear anything with text at all—so I don't see how I'm inviting any comments by how I dress.

[JacobJordan]

If you wear a shirt with disrespectful language on it people will comment on it. If you wear hyper revealing clothes people will comment on it. If you wear hyper baggy clothes people will comment on it. Reality is people theoretically will always have something to say in regards to how a person dresses. I mean hell one of the first ways people decide if they approach someone is based on how they dress. By interacting with society you invite to some level people to share things whether you like them or not. If you don't want people to share things then don't interact with society.

[Asker]

I don't interact with those people as much as I can avoid them. There is no dress code for public except the law, and I don't break that, so I'm not inviting anyone to give me advice or a lecture.. Just dressing outside the norm can invite comments or questions, I agree, but appropriate ones would be the same as for anyone else: non-sexual, and positive, relatable or curious. Just because someone looks different doesn't mean normal Social rules don't apply to them. It's still rude to randomly insult someone or talk down to them, even if you think they chose an ugly or skimpy outfit.

[JacobJordan]

It is indeed rude unfortunately people have become far to open dressing strangely AND providing their opinions when not asked. Bit of a double edged sword I guess

[handsomelad70]

Then wear Western duds, Asker.

[Asker]

@handsomelad70 nah. You know how many comments I'd get dressed as a cowgirl in this city?

[handsomelad70]

I sometimes dress as a cowboy in the city and get approached by women even at 70.

[Asker]

@handsomelad70 exactly. The whole point of the question is some people don't want to dress in a way that a lot of the opposite gender finds attractive. I'm one of those people. Why would I change my whole wardrobe for no reason?

[JacobJordan]

Nothing wrong with dressing how you want but realize people will comment regardless. If the comments are a problem then you would need to change your wardrobe. It would be great if people minded their own business but we all know that won't happen

[Asker]

The comments are a problem, but not nearly a big enough problem to warrant changing my whole lifestyle. It would certainly be easier to deal with if I understood WHY people make this a problem though, which is why I asked the question. I don't want to solve it, I just want to better understand it. I can figure out how to deal with it on my own.

[handsomelad70]

Conventionally attractive or bland good looks?

[JacobJordan]

Think it comes down to 2 things. Single people want you to remain single. Happy people want to see you happy as well

[Anonymous]

I agree. It’s so rude to tell other people how to dress or wear their hair. Like if somebody told me something like “you hairstyle looks bad” or “do you have anything else better to wear” I would just reply something like “I don’t care what you think” or “I never asked for your opinion so mind your own business.”

[leahzrc]

It's more about drawing attention to yourself, percieved as self-absorbed. Being conventionally attractive is kind of humble because you don't need to stand out to be beautiful.

[Asker]

That's what I'm saying, why do some people think everyone wants their advice on how to stand out or look beautiful?

[leahzrc]

I never ask for people's advice on how to look. The key is to not care

[Asker]

Exactly. Why would someone assume a random person cares about their opinion or advice?

[TommyMountainFigure]

People have told you this without you asking? That's a bit rude. I mean if asked then I'd give my opinion but otherwise? No that's just not right.

[Asker]

Yes. I would understand if they thought I did something accidentally like my shirt was inside out and they just gave me a heads up, but of course that would be a completely different scenario.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Well yes, although, if you're trying to go against convention, perhaps an inside out shirt could be worn on purpose. Therefore highlighting that could be construed as rude too?

[Asker]

Wearing something inside out could be accidental, so it wouldn't be rude to point it out. Something like wearing orange lipstick or a half-shave hairstyle would not be accidental, most people are aware when they get a haircut and put on their own makeup.

[Summeroflove]

I agree that people should do what suits them. Not everyone is the same and it’s best to attract who genuinely wants you.

I also however agree people should have decency. Nobody wants to smell body Oder

[Asker]

Cool and thanks for sharing, but what does body odor have to do with appearances? That's a whole different sense

[Summeroflove]

I know. But some people take not taking care of themselves to the extreme.

[Asker]

Yes but how does that have to do with the question? Seems like a different topic.

[Summeroflove]

Well being conventionally attractive.

[Asker]

Not looking conventionally attractive doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself, especially if the look is intentional. That's a different thing, even conventionally attractive people can neglect themselves and just keep up the appearance of being put together.

[Summeroflove]

Exactly

[CrabCakes11]

It’s because some people don’t have lot of their own and chose to fixate on others

[Kaneki05]

Just don't care it's not hard. Hmm chicken nuggets.

[Asker]

I don't like when people are rude. I don't engage with them if I can avoid it, but I don't see why i should feel neutral about bad behavior.

[Kaneki05]

Well because it's a fact of life. And yes you should avoid as much as you want, but in reality you can't avoid it all. So it's more about not getting upset rather than not finding it bad.
Ya don't see goths get bothered when people say stuff about them because we don't have to worry about everyone's opinion.

[Asker]

I don't get upset or worried, that doesn't mean I don't care. Not caring would be feeling neutral about it, finding it bad but not reacting to it is much more reasonable I think. You shouldn't let people say whatever they want to you and not care, but trying to get everyone who's rude to understand that they're being rude and to stop would also be wasting your breath.

[Kaneki05]

I think you can not care and find something bad at the same time.
We have duality like that.

[Asker]

If you think it's bad then you care. You would prefer it not to happen. If you don't care then you don't care whether it happens or not.

[Kaneki05]

I find Chinese food bad does that mean I would prefer Chinese food not to exist?
Not really because I just don't care whether someone else decides to eat it or not.

If did care in such a way then it's just making a big deal out everything which sounds like a pain. Living on the extreme of everything I think is bad must matter to me.

[Asker]

You prefer to not be served Chinese food, I assume. Because you think it's bad. That's what I'm saying. I prefer people not to be rude to me, because I don't like it. I don't think that's making a big deal about it or being extreme.

[Kaneki05]

Yeah that's why I don't go to Chinese places I just avoid them and that's that.
I think it's this whole question as making a big deal out of it though like complaining at a brick wall. I don't know let what thoughts you want to run in your head but mine are never thinking about such people who say such things because I don't care lol.

[Asker]

I'm asking for insight. If there's any reason people think like this. Some of them don't seem to be trying to be rude and may not even realize they are being rude, so why do they do this? I don't ask for people's opinion on my appearance, just like you don't go to Chinese restaurants. It would be weird if someone randomly approached you and tried to make you take a plate of Chinese food wouldn't it? You would wonder why they thought that was a good idea to do.

[Kaneki05]

The simple answer to why anyone does something is because they can and it makes them feel better.
Even been rude without knowing is a form of control. Humans like control whether they know it or not. It brings comfort.
So that's why.
And the reason why control and this brings comfort is because we are animals. Animals by nature stick to their nature once something is outside of that, the unknown is a presence of danger.
It's a very interesting psychological thing ingrained into us.

[Knightwatch27]

Why do some people compete in aesthetic ugliness?

[Asker]

There used to be competitions for ugly people. I don't think they're very popular anymore. Some people do enjoy an intentionally ugly look though, I'm not one of them.

[KrakenAttackin]

You ar working really hard to convince yourself of your own bullshit. 🐂

[Asker]

What bullshit? I tried to explain what I'm talking about so I wouldn't get a bunch of people asking questions instead of answering, or answering questions I didn't ask. That still happened, but not as much as it could have.

[SoJust]

Those girls' opinions, man, don't worry so much