Funeral etiquette: what is the funeral "dress code" in your respective cultures?

[DishLady]

Hi Guys and Gals,

So I'd like to know what the funeral "dress code" is in your respective cultures.

The question comes from an experience I had at a funeral yesterday. Basically, I was raised with a Mediterranean etiquette that at funerals (and for some time after... minimum 40 days, typically up to a year) one wears either all black or black and white when someone close to them (parents/spouses/etc.) passes away. (Some very traditional widows will even wear black for the rest of their lives depending where they grew up.)

Yesterday I went to a funeral for one of the elders of our community, though, and was a little surprised to see the lady's kids sporting red accessories (purses/shoes/belts) along with their sleeveless black jumpsuits. (They looked like they were going to a club rather than to a church, which was a little confusing, especially considering what a charming, down-to-earth lady their grandma was.) Obviously I didn't say anything, but I was a little surprised by it.

No one tends to pay attention to what a person's friends are wearing on these occasions (especially in very diversified regions where everyone's from different faiths/cultures/traditions), but the immediate family is usually in the standard "somber attire."

Anyway, now I'd like to know what traditions you guys and gals follow on such occasions. I know my small group of friends from Ireland actually wear fairly bright colors at funerals, for example, to celebrate the person's life rather than focusing on the death and burial.

(Note: If you've lost someone recently, my heart goes out to you and your family. I don't mean to offend or sadden anyone with this post.)

[WindAtMyBack]

In the US the trend has been more and more casual. It's moved away from somber to more of a celebration of the person's life. It's become very common for speakers at funerals to tell funny stories, often getting the attendees roaring with laughter.

It's still very common for people to wear suits to funerals, and is often still black. But the trend is away from that. The last couple of funerals I went to I wore blue jeans and a casual shirt.

I much prefer the celebration of life type of gathering over the older somber type.

[HawkPerception]

With my family and friends, most of the time it's black dress clothes. Even something more casual like a black T-shirt with black pants and black dress shoes could work. The only time people generally don't come in that is when they don't have black dress clothes on hand.

[DishLady]

Yes, for my mom's service the little kids came in their (dark) Easter suits with black t-shirts underneath and my goddaughter had a white dress with a black sash to cover the pink detail because it was a dress my mom had bought her. Everyone else aimed for a black dress/shirt/jeans/etc.

Just one gal showed up in a bright pink string bikini under a skin tight burgundy leather halter dress with stilettos. 😒 I tossed her a black shawl. SHE should have known better because my family's been babysitting her since she popped out of her momma... (She ended up taking one of the deacons home... True story...)

[Gwendoline]

Men wear a suit, white shirt black tie. Women wear a black modest dress, maybe a veil. But in saying that too often these days you go to funerals and there's always one woman in a black dress that thinks she's at a night club showing way too much cleavage or leg. Fat women worst, like wear a bra and not so much cleavage that we can see your nipples please.

[Beckybooboo]

I've always worn a black dress. I don't judge people that do show up in T-shirts and blue jeans, because they did show up. I am kind of old fashion myself but yet try not being too critical of others because nice clothing can be expensive. Paying your last respects isn't a fashion show.

[Beckybooboo]

Just adding, that I honestly don't know if there is an actual "tradition" for funeral dress. I think years ago there was, because the funerals I've gone to, all the elders were dressed very nice but that has seemed to change for the younger generation.

[DishLady]

True, and I feel the same way. But the immediate family that's hosting the funeral surprised me by being in clubbing attire (black and red, flashy). Not that I was judging or going to say anything to them, but it threw me off, especially given the fact that they came to host it at the oldest most conservative church in town. It was unusual.

Usually in Mediterranean funerals, the "uniform" is black or black-and-white or very dark grey. (No colors.) Sleeves, nothing too revealing. It's not a matter of dressing super fancy, but more about the somber color and modesty.

[Beckybooboo]

It's weird, in general, how fashion has changed through the years. I see pictures from the thirties and forties, even some in the fifties through the seventies, in the US, when men seemed to always wear a suit and tie and women always wore dresses, some with fancy hats, on planes, baseball games, hockey games or just going out in public in general. I always admired that and thought it was so cool lol

[DishLady]

Oh yeah, the classier times. It carried on through the mid-80s then stopped completely as the price point for denim pants and jackets skyrocketed. 😂

[Beckybooboo]

Sometimes I still wish it was like that lol I actually like to dress up just to go out with my boyfriend for dinner or for Holidays with the family but I always feel out of place because no one else does. 😂

[DishLady]

Aww. I do! (It's true. I'll get dressed up just enough to feel confident and tall, even though I'm on a budget. I don't like looking frumpy.)

[exitseven]

I went to one a week ago. I do not own a black suit so I wore my gray one. I think that as long as you show up to show respect You are good.

[DishLady]

Gray is fine anyway. It's still a "muted color" anyway. But you're right, you're good when you show up in a respectful manner.

[OlderAndWiser]

In the Southeastern US, growing up in the 1950's and 1960's, I learned that a gentleman wears a dark suit with a white shirt and muted tie to a funeral. The younger generation seems to treat every event like it's Casual Friday, but there are some younger people who still maintain standards of respect and decorum.

[Mark987]

I am half Indian so we usually wear white. I think everyone should wear something conservative. Some of my friends wear suits at all the funerals they attend.

[DishLady]

Yes! My friends from China also wear white for funerals.
Yes, suits are the traditional attire for any basic show of respect (especially for guys over 35). Under 35 I've usually seen simple slacks and shirts with either a sweater or tie. Nothing over-the-top. Modest and conservative with the coloring.

[Mark987]

bless you

[DishLady]

You too.

[4ngelic]

i'm french & American, i think it's about the same in both cultures: the guests should dress somberly but a bit dressed up, in darker colors preferably, the mourning family and people very close to the deceased tend to dress all in black. i know for france at least it's rude to dress all in black if you werent super close to the deceased. women need to dress pretty conservatively and not wear much makeup or accessories

[itsannalee]

I’m half Indonesian and we don’t have dress code In general just black. But some people have traditional funeral and they wear traditional clothes like kebaya. etc

[FunkyMonkee]

Except for the white, same here. I used to live next door to an old Italian woman who dressed in black all day, every day, most likely because her husband died years before I moved in.
However, wearing black to a funeral is not mandatory. Most people just dress nicely in ordinary clothes but, a few might show up just wearing their casual attire but, the point is, they showed up in honour of the deceased and nobody really cares about what they wore.

[kaucky1]

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[beefcakebradybatson]

Suits for chaps and dresses for chicks, but today, some folk attend a funeral, where you are RESPECTING someone's memory, as is they're at a bar.

[ryanrhino]

I will wear as much black as I can, as summer funerals are hard to wear long sleeve black formal clothing.

[Flower7]

Black and conservative. (Other very dark colors can work as well.)

[Meisdipa]

It's a lot to explain

I'll answer if you're interested.

[DrPepper12]

Black. If not sure? Black. Weather unpredictable? Black. Service then cemetery? Black. Sitting Shiva? Black. Black. Black.

[Anonymous]

People must dress in a suit coat and tie. Woman must wear appropriate dresses with limited make up and jewelry.

[NathanDavis]

all black...

[NicholasRedone]

Wearing black


All black 🖤☺️

[IknowthatIdontKnow09]

I think to wear black or dark clothes

[linka_pat307]

Black outfits

[Blueeyes81]

Dark colors preferably black.