Why won't people admit looks do matter?

This is something I have noticed from both genders. They say things like "It's about the chemistry" and "His appearance doesn't matter to me" or something about love. Yet these same people will talk about who is "hot" or "good looking" and so on.

One guy I know will give lectures on how important he says love is and all that then be talking on the phone with a potential date and tell me he's worried that she's fat when he himself is really fat and he'll make these disgusting comments about girl's private parts constantly and would not stop until I told him he was being desperate.

I read all the time about how guys bash on girls for wanting a good looking guy when I know they themselves want a pretty girl. Yet both will deny their desire for physical attraction.

I do think that physical appearance can matter less to some than others. I know of one guy who probably won't admit it but he is looking for supermodel looks. Yet I have met others who go out with what would be considered "mediocre."

So why do people get uptight for either gender wanting a more physically appealing S/O? I notice the girls get bashed much more than the guys for this.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I hate it when people say that. I think it's to try and give ugly people like me false hope, or something. I know I am ugly, but I don't talk about it to people I know offline. However, I do like to talk about in on my online blog, or I talk about it to get advice on Q & A sites like this one or just to vent about my experiences. For the most part, people offline think of me as a happy go lucky girl who always has a smile on my face.

    The most common responses I get online when I talk about it is: that looks don't matter, no one ever makes fun of people, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I just get so irritated, either these people live in a perfect world, or they're in denial.

    Looks do matter. In order to get in a relationship, someone has to be attracted to a person. Looks attract people first, and personality wins them over. This is something people won't admit when they say it's personality only. Of course personality is important. You need to get along with her person you are dating. No one is going to deny that. But personality is not the only important part. Both looks and personality are important.

    And anyone who tries to say people never make fun of anyone else is an idiot. They are probably the type of people who ignore bullying and pretend it doesn't happen. I don't know how anyone can grow up in this world and say that people don't get made fun of. They must live under a rock.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Okay, sure, it's true to an extent. There are people who people can agree and disagree of whether or not they find them attractive, but there are certain people who most people will agree that they are hot. Just like there are people like me who everyone agrees is ugly. I have never met one person in my life who thinks I am beautiful, no matter how many makeovers I've had. Not one. My best friend though? I've never met one person who thinks she is ugly. They all call her gorgeous and hot.

    I'm the only person who has ever lived my experiences, so to have someone who has never met me tell me it's not true and it's like my negative attitude that makes people think I am ugly makes me mad. No one who knows me knows I am depressed about my looks. Not one person. And it's mostly strangers who make fun of me.

    The theory that people know I think I am ugly makes them call me ugly is the dumbest one. What about an anorexic girl who is tiny but thinks she is fat? Do people automatically think she is fat? Nope. Sorry they don't. So anyone who goes by the law of attraction theory is a moron and needs to face reality because they live in a fantasy world.

    I know I am ugly, no guy will ever be attracted to me, and that's fine. I don't blame them. People want an attractive partner. I've accepted it. So I find other things to keep me happy in life. I will never ever be in a relationship. What bothers me is getting made fun of by people.

    • Are you *sure* you can't become more attractive?

      I think you can...it just might be difficult.

      Ugly people in movies are often played by attractive people who make themselves appear uglier. The funny thing about attractiveness is: there are more forms of ugly than there are of beauty -meaning attractive people have to conform to certain standards in order to look attractive; otherwise they will be ugly!


      You *can* change some things (like eyebrows).

    • Show All
    • morning he sees me without layers of makeup and I am hideous. Also, I noticed one of the main issues with those girls was their complexions. I may be ugly, but I do actually have a pretty complexion. I don't need to wear foundation. When I wear make up I focus on my eyes. The problem is, it's my facial features. People say I look more like a guy than a girl. I've changed my hair style so many times, I am skinny so it's not a weight problem. If I can find someone who makes me pretty. They are a

    • miracle worker.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • Because its more "admirable" to come off as someone who can be swept away by a romantic gesture but if we are all honest with ourselves, we all know that a romantic relationship with someone who we aren't sexually attracted to will never work out. It makes up most of what chemistry between two people is all about.

  • That's not true. A lot of people admit to it. I do too.

    The trend USE TO be saying "looks don't matter". Mostly among girls.

    Now it is not so because those who told the truth were standing out. Provocative, special, hipster if you will.

    Now everyone wants to be special. So now everyone says otherwise.

    We are all so clever and realistic aren't we? =p

  • That is why girls will admit it less, they are afraid of being bashed for it. I am one of the few who admits it and I get bashed all the time for it.

    The only time I bash anyone for it is when they are really unattractive physically and mentally and expect the other person to look perfect, like your overweight friend who thinks he is too good for an overweight girl.

    • I stopped talking to that guy altogether. He has too many mental issues. Can you explain how a guy can be "mentally unattractive" or is that just a way of saying he's crazy?

    • I should stress it is not all about looks, not even close to being the only important factor but they do matter.

    • Crazy or a jerk or a bitch or demanding, controlling, abusive, selfish, you get the idea.

  • I believe love starts with how a person looks to be honest. Everything else is really secondary. Personality, security, charm.

    • Yea your right. But I've been with a girl who was seriously the prettiest girl in my town that everyone was jealous of and throughout our relationship I got to witness her personality and it totally gave a 360 on her appearance to me. I didn't look at her the way I used to and a matter of fact I actually learned something from that experience and give girls who aren't labeled as perfect 10s a try because they seem to become more and more beautiful through their personality. It's true.

  • because no wants feel bad about liking someone for there looks first! I'll admit it my boyfriend is f***ing fit! and fist time I met him I just want sleep with him nothing more! but he was a gentleman and wanted date first.


What Guys Said 8

  • Looks matter for a reason:

    Try to commit yourself to dating a plain or worse looking person by going steady with him/her. Now try to get past 1st base with him/her. This is my current problem with a girl I'm dating (plain-faced and overweight, but the coolest girl ever who is awesome-in-every-way-and-I'm-hanging-on-to-her-because-I-secretly-want-to-get-her-to-lose-weight-and-pretty-herself-up-so-that-she'll-be-the-best-girl-I-could-ever-be-with).

    Here's what happens: either a) s/he'll be so uncomfortable with his/her body s/he'll never let you get past (or maybe even to) second base, or b) you'll find yourself having trouble getting into the mood with him/her. If it's b) you can close your eyes and just envision how s/he would look if s/he was attractive, but if it's a) you can't really compliment his/her looks without lying.

    If you do not want to ever have sex then this is a fine thing I guess. But if you DO want to have a sex-filled relationship you kind of need physical attraction.

    That being said, just because two people who are attracted to each other mentally are willing to date doesn't mean that things will necessarily be successful. Both need to feel confident about their physical body and looks (and actively work to improve their bodies and looks) and both need to be able to close their eyes and fantasize for each others' sake.

    • Also to complicate matters, I am a skinnier guy trying to put on muscle.

      I find myself trying to diet by taking in as much protein as I can (as well as whatever else I can eat), but as a result I end up eating a lot in front of my date. This isn't very conducive to helping her with her weight loss plans at all... We have made plans to make a full cheesecake too! I'm an idiot for thinking with my stomach before using my brain.

      We are going to be on first base forever as friends with kisses.

  • I may not be 100% right but I think I have an idea why girls get more bashed about wanting a good looking guy.

    Back in the days (not that long ago) the main value a woman could bring you was her beauty. Women were not working and not allowed in context of important decisions. they could not prove their other values. So obviously they were chosen for their beauty, since they were not capable of providing so much more than sex at the time.

    For guys, it's different because they would work, they would fight, they would go through a whole lot of sh*t to increase their value and become successful and rich etc.

    So if a woman was to choose a man mostly because of his physical appearance, it would be very insulting since she would ignore all the efforts the man did to be successful in life.

    Women were told to get a guy that is successful and rich because he would be a good provider for his family.

    I am guessing that's why society is less tolerant of shallow women.

  • Looks do matter and there's nothing wrong with having standards on what you want your partner to look like. First of all, it's natural. Second of all, we can't control what we're attracted to. It's genetic. Third, it's important we are physically attracted to our partners. Otherwise, somewhere along the line we are going to get jealous and lust after other people.

    It doesn't make anyone superficial or shallow - it just makes them honest. We all have different preferences, desires and deal breakers. What's good looking for one person won't be for another. But honestly, most guys and most girls are average looking (not ugly or a supermodel).

  • Are you saying you hear lots of idiots who try to pretend looks don't matter, or you hear a lot of hypocrites who want a person more attractive than themselves, or both?

    • Well, a lot of people are idiots, and a lot of people are hypocrites. Fat chicks in college try to shame guys as shallow, and fat guys complain about not getting girlfriends while stuffing their faces with fried chicken. Heck, there was a guy on here, like 35-40 years old, extremely obese, two kids, who was complaining he couldn't get a 20 year old girl.

  • Well I know guys will admit that looks matter, but women won't most of the time, even though I think men and women are equally shallow. Women want to try to maintain that "girls only care about personality" because it makes their gender look more caring and less shallow, even though as I've said women are just as shallow as men when it comes to looks. Women gossip more than Men about who's "hot". Just my opinion here, but both genders are equally shallow when it comes to looks.

  • youre trying to say... why doesn't everyone think the way I do?

    Because they dont

  • I do admit that physical looks matter. But many people are telling the truth when they say that personality, intelligence, etc count for a lot. In my experience, it's much more difficult to find a girl with personality and intelligence than a girl with good looks.

  • Ill admit it, but you could be the prettiest damn girl on earth and still be unattractive. People don't realize that others aren't who you think they are. If you had every beautiful man and woman come to you, you would learn a lot about what true attraction is. Looks are important but don't make them top priority for yourself or off anyone else.