Guys Need to Be More Considerate

[Guysvsgirls]

Stop Making Everything About Sex

Guys usually go out and say, "You really shouldn't stereotype men to all being about just one thing: sex."

However, guys really should be saying that to their fellow mates. I've had guys inbox me only interested in sex. Of course I said no right away so they wouldn't be wasting their time. But please, be more considerate of a girl's feelings.

Whether it's in person, or messaging her on a site like this. It makes girls feel like an object, and not a person, when the guy is all about one thing.

[Anonymous]

I think it's way better for a guy to be direct and honest about what he's looking for than play some game like he's interested in who you are but really just wants sex. plus some girls just want sex, too. We aren't all desperate for a prince charming.

[Guysvsgirls]

Very true. I guess everyone will take away something different from this.

[Applefan1]

That is a very realistic view you have there. I up voted you. 😀

[meatballs21]

I didn't realize it was my job to control other guy's behaviour for you.

Oh wait, it's not.

[Guysvsgirls]

It's kinda like in the army sense. One person does something wrong, and everyone gets punished. One guy represents himself as a guy who just wants one thing, and everyone else will get the punishment of being grouped into that.

[meatballs21]

Don't be ridiculous. These are people likely thousands of miles away that I have not and never will meet.

Something I've learned is everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt - if you want to make a judgment call to tread carefully based on past experiences fine but vocalizing it like this doesn't reflect well on you.

[TheOnlyWhom]

So by that sense Take owner. You are a bitch. As you said, one is that way so all are that way.

Dont be naive. Not all women are bitches, just like not all guys are assholes. Not all guys only want sex.

[Hexxus]

Hey there, maybe I can shed some insight on this for you. First of all, sex is a natural biological dive, much the same as the desire to eat or drink. There is absolutely nothing disrespectful about seeking one night stands. Being attracted to a women does not mean you are objectifying her. Objectification would mean to say a women is to be used for sex an nothing else.

People have many reasons to not want a relationship right away. Personally for myself its because I need to get some other areas of my life under control before I try to bring someone else into it. But I still have a desire for sex so for the time being I opt for one night stands. The girls I hook up with are also looking for casual sex for whatever reason.

There is always mutual respect. I have them over, ask them if they want something to drink or if they need time to relax and let them know if I do anything that they are uncomfortable with to let me know and I will stop. After we usually watch tv or go out and grab some food. A few of them have become good friends. So don't be so quick to judge or label something "objectification" there is often times more going on then what meets the eye.

[Guysvsgirls]

Interesting! Thanks for your input. :-) I guess I'm just not that type of girl.

[Applefan1]

This take is stereotyping guys! Guys do say "You really shouldn't stereotype men to all being about one thing: sex." When guys say this they are right because there is guys that go around totally randomly sending girls messages about sex there are also guys that don't do that to. Take me for example, I do not go around messaging girls I have never talked to with sex messages. Yes you are right the guys that do this need to be more considerate of the girls feelings but this goes both ways there are some girls that need to be more considerate of men's feels to. The way some of us men get treated by some girls when we have done nothing to the girl at all is just teriable. In general both men and women need to have more respect for the opisate gender.

[Guysvsgirls]

Agreed. :-)

[Applefan1]

Also you have to remember there are some girls that are only interested in sex from guys to.

[Applefan1]

This is an unhealthy circle really. The girls that treat men badly or only date jerks make guys think they have to become a jerk to get a girlfriend or the guy gets sick of being treated badly and decides I won't bother with a relationship ill just use girls for sex. The guy then uses girls for sex and makes women feel like objects. This then leads a girl to think all guys are like this when really they are not. Her attitude makes her behave badly towards guys and then the cycle starts all over again only getting worse and worse. It is both girls and guys fault for this problem in society.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

hahaha, ok, I agree with your sentiment not to treat women as objects and to treat them with respect. (So read the rest of my comment with that in mind.)

But guys, treat women sexually. No, I'm not advocating sending them dick pics, that's stupid and childish (I'm talking about an adult/mature type of sexuality). But women want sexy guys who know what they want and go for it.

And another thing. If you are a guy a girl isn't interested in, she'll be turned off by your sexuality and think you're an asshole or offensive, or whatever. If you are a guy she IS interested in, she'll think you're the most charming sexy guy she's ever met. Don't worry about inconveniencing the first girl, once you know she isn't interested, you can just focus on the girl who is. If you don't display your sexuality, how will you know which girl is which? Aren't you inconveniencing the girls who DO like you if you don't make it clear you are interested in them?

[Guysvsgirls]

Thank you for your input! Very helpful!

[Ghost_of_a_Guy]

(Long sigh) May I remind every "man" (yet to find another real man) here, that we re the ones who have to overcome our feelings and judge those feelings with respectable logic [i. e. Girl is mean to me= I don't talk to her] So stop getting so upset when girls don't just magically bend to your will. As men, we have know when we want a girl physically, then sort them out by getting to know their mentality. It is in the MAN to do this because we have BALLS. some of you guys forget that girls ARE more mentally advanced. So remember that maybe if she's not being your perfect little angel you want her to be, it could be because she WANTS you to know that.

-sincerely
AGG

P. S. Go out and find a woman to love. The internet is not the place for that.

[Guysvsgirls]

Well said!

[CaptCrisp]

Girls need bonding before sex. A guy wanting sex is normal, just like a girl wanting sex is normal; she just needs a lot more before it happens (emotional connecting, affection... I think girls are naughtier than boys in my humble opinion.

For the overly-direct guys out there, go find some hookers, if you don't want to sleep with a hooker.. develop yourself as a man women love, a man that understands women, a non needy playful guy.. And when all that happens, you won't be needing to inbox woman on girlsaskguys ;)

[miserybusiness]

Hahahaha that last line

[imbittered_punk]

Well it's said that men need sex to feel loved and women need love to have sex. So somewhere along the line there's going to be dishonesty. I think women make way too big of a deal of sex, whilst i don't think it should be treated like a hand shake, i don't think it should be treated like "the phisical act of love". The truth is most of the time it's not special, both parties are too hung up in their own bullshit for it to be anything other than an awkward bumping encounter that neither makes the earth move or solidifies a loving relationship.

Sex should be an intensely enjoyable experience, not a reward for passing a test and not something that is to be used as a meal ticket.

[Guysvsgirls]

Good summary! Thanks!

[imbittered_punk]

And it only took me 10 years of fucked up relationships, casual encounters and self evaluation to come up with.

[ImagineRelease]

I agree but it comes down to boundaries. Yes there's a lot of guys that seem overly focused on sex. And part of the reason is like having a lottery addiction. If you didn't win the first time you're now feeling in the red and must try harder. a lot of guys think it might not work out, so score sex before it's over. It's not something I have heard people believe but if people go into a relationship with fears of it and they're at the age to seek status points from peers, they may want to hit it for bragging rights. But the question comes down to are girls picking guys who are into them for legit reasons or picking guys for validation. And as far as feeling like an object I've known girls that got off on that feeling of being objectified. I worked with people in the adult biz. so to some girls those guys are perfect. I'm sorry for how it feels but it really comes down to qualifying them and learning to laugh and discard them when they act like horny little boys.

[Anonymous]

I don't message random chicks for sex or pic's. I'm quite empathetic toward my fellow humans male or female and I NEVER Objectify women that's just wrong.

Also I could make a different statement about women only wanting money and a stable yet exciting life from guys while at the same time blaming men for everything making us the "bad guys" even if we are sacrificing ourselves for women it's somehow "our fault".

it's women like that which are making many Men Going Their Own Way and just being a guy without the need to please women.

(I'm quite insulted and angry at your comment)

[Guysvsgirls]

This is not meant for guys who *do* treat women fairly. These are only for those creepy ones.

[Opinion Owner]

in the future when you talk about one group of people rather it's a gender, race, or what ever. try to add words like some, most, many, few. so people like me who don't act like that aren't offended. :)

the people who message random chicks are maybe 2-3% of men you don't get random messages from 98% of the men who don't do that sort of thing. I'm just stating that not all guys are "one person" we are unique and have different personalities, needs, fears, looks and all kinds of other traits that make us who we are. It's not always only about the sex.

*deep breath* ... I now understand that you didn't mean all men but it's just how it sounded at first glance.

[Guysvsgirls]

I'm sorry it offended you. :( I will for sure clear that next post I do. :-)

[Opinion Owner]

much appreciated thanks. :D

[FatherJack]

MGTOW men are multiplying rapidly , besides women are always harping on about " We don't need or want men !! " ... guess what , we don't need you either !!

[Anonymous]

I understand what you're talking about but, women aren't any different. They get into groups and discuss all the sexy features of men and which one they'd want to sleep with. Let's not forget such shows as Sex in the City and books like 50 Shades. The only difference is that in our society men have been socialized to make the first move and most young people want sex. The men who email women for sex are morons but at the same time, women are guilty of having annoying habits themselves towards men.

[Guysvsgirls]

That's true, there are a lot of women who love sex. I'm speaking for those who aren't all about sex. However, us women are allowed to have fantasies as well.

[cdnSpartan]

I echo the previous poster as sex is the what keeps the world going around. Testosterone is 10x stronger in men than women, as men have the responsibility of keeping the race alive, think about what it's like on your horniest day and now imagine being that way 24/7 for years. That's just the way it is.

I'd agree that it's good to have respect and manners when it comes to the presentation of this sex drive, but at the end of the day we're primal creatures... women included. Take being hit on as a compliment, but don't let it get to your head, we all have juices lol.

[WesTheGuru]

This is a very selfish thing women say. "I want to be more than just an object". You never consider than a man "wants to be more than just an emotional crutch".

You are only observing it from the side of the coin that affects you and overvaluing your own opinion because you believe it is the more morally right one. You are wrong.

A man's desire for sex is equally as important as a woman's desire for affection. Don't undervalue one simply because the other doesn't apply to you.

[Guysvsgirls]

That's a very good point! Though, I seem to be the emotional crutch for guys. I guess it goes both ways. But interesting way to look at it. I'm just asking guys not to force themselves on the girl, or really pressuring them.

[AshleyMD]

They're wasting their time, not yours, they lose, you don't. It's not even a big deal. Some guys just want sex, who cares? You aren't being treated as an object, if they were to treat you as an object, they wouldn't be interested in sex from you unless they're a person who has sex with objects.
Also not all guys are like this, good for you for not being a jerk and not stringing them along though.

[koko124]

Exactly. People need to learn the definition of the word "objectification".

If I was objectifying you, I wouldn't ask for your permission, would I? After all, you don't ask an object.

[kheserthorpe]

Some guys are only interested in sex. Some are interested in more than just sex.

I'm not sure why them being interested in only sex, if brought up in an appropriate way is being inconsiderate. Some people only want me to buy things, and they phone me and try to sell me stuff. It's a little annoying to me to have to tell them no, but that doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong. I just don't want what they're offering.

[kentoi455]

I think so to, when i am around at school for instance i mostly hear the guys talk about sex or sex related topics.
one time i heard a guy say that he "had two chicks to bang".
Apparently he was seeing two girls at the time and every guy around him said that he was awesome and gave him complements.

Now i am not old but you can call me old-fashioned when i say that it is not cool in any way to cheat or have 2 girlfriends, i think it is even more cool if you have 1 girlfriend who you love and cherish not like a sex object but as you say a person.

[Guysvsgirls]

Well said!

[cuzzy]

Its never about sex 4 me mate sex is just a means to an end. Unles i have feelins 4 u u won't get it. Iv been dumped by a couple shilas because it took em to long to get me in the sack!!! Not all guys can be stereotyped this way. There r just as many shilas out there that just wana root. I think ur generalization is rude and i took offence to it:-(

[Guysvsgirls]

I'm sorry. I'm just speaking from what I've experienced. It doesn't apply to everyone.

[amphet11]

Women will always be valued for sex above all else, that is a simple biological fact, but don't complain about it, it is also the greatest biological advantage the female gender has. Men are far more sexually attracted to women than women are to men, and if this wan't so, life would be far worse for women.

[miserybusiness]

If that's true, it's really, really sad. :(

[amphet11]

o it's completely true, and trust me, you want it to be true

[FatherJack]

Very true , women use sex to extract resources from men... not out of desire !!

[amphet11]

Sex in exchange for resources is the only reason human monogamy exists.

[Anonymous]

I find it disgusting and rude when all a guy wants out of a relationship is sex. That isn't what a relationship is about. I try to be as polite as possible to everyone that I meet, and they tell me that it is refreshing. It shouldn't be, it should be the norm.

[Guysvsgirls]

Im glad to hear that.!

[Corsair427]

Hey I've sent out literally hundreds of messages on dating sites asking to tell me something interesting or something the girl is passionate about or something unique I saw in her profile... Last night i sent out 10 alone and got zero responses. So either way it seems to be a no win situation. I am not one of those other guys though looking for just sex, I am a successful professional pilot and take care of myself and dress well, I really dont know what you women are looking for...

[Guysvsgirls]

Perhaps it's the way you "apprached" her? Girls will tend to be more catious with online messages frim guys

[Corsair427]

I ask what i said above,... nothing wrong with that,... but okay,... what would you like to hear then?

[Guysvsgirls]

Just say hey, and ask her vague questions. I guess.

[Corsair427]

hahaha thats what i do!, some even have on their profiles that they "wont respond to hey's"

[Guysvsgirls]

Well that is interesting. :-/ girls are weird. Haha

[Scrambled]

Dude...1) Don't take women's advice on some of these things. They don't know what they want either. For example: They say guys shouldn't only want them for sex. However when you tiptoe around the matter, you end up in the friendshipzone. Then all the girls rant about men nor being direct? Some girls can't link the inconstancies together. The result, they give you "Disney" advice on love similar to what moms teach their boys. The result... well, p*rn is being downloaded by the tons. 2) Online is tough. My female friend set up an account and she got 200 requests!!! That's what you are up against. If you can't get out and prefer online, really google how to up your profile (profiles count for so much).

[Corsair427]

That has been my experience completely as you described it, your spot on. If you don't do one thing its the other that will get you. Then after a few months of dating multiple girls who feign interest your just like "fuck it"...

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Scrambled that's why guys get friendzoned. Cuz a lot of girls can sniff through "nice" guy tactics and bullshit and know you're only being nice for sex.
I agree, you shouldn't tiptoe around what you really want. Be upfront and direct. Even if you do just want sex, say it. Does this guarantee you'll get just sex? No. But that way we can know not to waste our time.
Tell the woman you're interested in her and for what. I don't think many girls would be happy to hear you're only interested in sex, I know I wouldn't. But it's better to be upfront. If you want more, like a relationship, say it. Everyone gets rejected, but you never know until you try.

[ImagineRelease]

Girls naturally seek out the most dominant uninhibited male. These days that's often someone so focused on themselves that they don't care if it's rude, they'll ask about pictures and sex. but because he took such a bold strong move it, in my opinion, elevates him to a higher "dominant protector of my offspring" level and then she tolerates it by her nature, but her mind just wishes he could be less focused on sex.

And yet... Would she have even gotten that far if he wasn't pushy about what's in her pants? Not a chance, she'd have friendzone'd his azz the day he said "I like to go on a nice walk with you and we can talk about life"

[Scrambled]

@BuchitaBuchys with due respect, I still think your advice is somewhat incorrect. The reality is that most guys (badboy, nice guy or otherwise) will want sex. Same holds true for most women. So your "nice- guy-bullshit-radar" is actually pointless. But it exists... and it has nothing to do with sex, rather about the guy and the direct and indirect messages he gives off. That "sex filter" is actually a "persona filter" Players and naturals know how to deliver those messages better than your average Joe. That's why they can simply choose and juggle women they want. Attraction is a... SKILL, especially for guys. The long walks on the beach come after the attraction phase. My other guy friend who has bedded over a 100 women (im so jealous of the dude) told me that the more you treat a woman like shit, the more action he gets. Its profoundly contradictory with what most of you women say, but but it ties up a bit with what @ImagineRelease mentions.

[Scrambled]

@BuchitaBuchys Lastly... regarding being upfront about your intentions. Saying you only want sex upfront with any girl in almost any context will result in a big fat NO or a slap even. Even if the horniest girl got that message, she will see it as either creepy, or the guy being very desperate. It will never work. I am on adult friend finder and it doesn't even work there (and I have a hot profile). Its always about delivery of the messages to build trust and rapport first, then pulling the trigger on the sexier stuff.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Scrambled well duh, they will want sex. But it's about not having a guy that doesn't want just ONLY SEX. The guy who's willing to fake interest or fake a relationship for sex, the guy who's trying new tactics for sex. Some chicks can sniff that out. It's not that hard. Sometimes it can be cuz some mofos are sneaky as fuck. Yes, we all want sex. But it's not about getting into a relationship just for sex.
You said "they say you shouldn't want only for sex. However if you tiptoe around the matter, you end up in the friendzone". How fucking disgusting that the supposed "nice" guy still only wants sex. It's a pathetic tactic, if that what you want, just sex, then say it. Like I said before, it won't guarantee you to get sex, but at least we know that you're a fucking creep who only wants sex, and nothing more. Don't waste anyone's time.

[Scrambled]

@BuchitaBuchys You know, I have never really met anyone who fakes a relationship just for sex. I have only met guys who fake their personality in order to attract a girl (and it works). Your "sex radars" are clearly defective because all the ladies seem to fall for the guys who juggle woman on a weekly basis. I will put it to you another way, why is it pathetic for nice guys to only want sex and not badboys? Put another way, why are badboys successful at using women only for sex and not nice guys? Woman give the green light for this situation to have occurred. Its just that badboys are better at the SKILL of attraction. That skill is just a collective term for those social traits that make a guy more attractive. If I followed your advice for the "upfront sex declaration" I would always fail and the only time I am wasting is my own. Its as a poor tactic as anything else.

[BuchitaBuchys]

@Scrambled that's pathetic as well. I never said badboys weren't. But I can trust them more. There's nothing worse, in my opinion, than a person pretending to be "good" or "nice" when in reality he/she is just a manipulator or a sociopath. I think badboys and nice guys are fucking sociopaths. Only wanting sex, but willing to disregard other's feelings to get it. They're one in the same to me. At least the badboy isn't putting up a phony persona to attract women. Or he isn't pretending to be "goody goody" and that he deserves women cuz of that. But when girls see through it, then he pouts and calls women bitches and sluts. This, coming from a nice guy? He doesn't sound genuinely nice. If you're a jackass, don't pretend or hide your motives. Does this mean I'll give badboys a chance? No. But now I know to not waste my time, cuz he was direct with his intentions.

I have more respect for the wolf who tells you straight up he's a wolf than the wolf in sheep's clothing who pretends.

[Scrambled]

@BuchitaBuchys You are 100% right on that one. Badboys are upfront and nice guys are manipulative. But in defense of nice guys (I was there), its not like they plan to be manipulative and execute this manipulative plan to get laid. They just see that douche/badboy works and it conflicts with their psychology of being a truly nice genuine guy. So they try not be themselves to be something else that objectively works, and what your radar really picks up is this confliction in behavior. Because it is creepy and manipulative and no girl rightfully has time for that. But a genuine nice guy gets bunched into this group and gets discarded. But I go back to my original point... attraction is a skill and online dating for guys is a bitch. Practical advice needs to be given to guys to help address these two issues. P. s. in a great country like Australia, sex work is regulated and controlled, I thinks its best for guys to utilize this service and avoid women drama. That's me upfront!

[Corsair427]

But what about my situation,.. girl totally comes after me, knows im a decent guy, SHE escalates ALL the physical contact, and goes out with me 5 times, telling me she's never had a guy treat her the way i did and "liked me more and more", those summer nights were the greatest of my life. I wanted something more but she said we were just friends and she didn't want to "lead me on" and that i was just too nice for her. I didn't get angry just sad and said id be here for her as a friend, and left it at that. What category is that, nice guy? good guy? I was genuine with everything as i always am.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You are on the internet. The internet attracts millions of people from all different walks of life. Some of these people are assholes. You will not find guys who are decent talking to you just for sex. But for the guys who do, you have to look at it from their perspective. They have no real "game" to get women. So they ask random girls to sext. They have zero effort put into it, but there's plenty of reward.

[Guysvsgirls]

I think that's very sad. But true. Come one girls, we need to step it up here and respect our bodies more!

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I think that it's entirely ok for a woman to express her sexuality any way she wants... and not have to conform to a reserved standard if she doesn't want.

[Guysvsgirls]

While that is true, I don't believe in girls having sex with a guy just because she fears he won't like her then.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I don't disagree. But plenty of girls have sex with a guy just because they like sex.

[Guysvsgirls]

Very true!

[PiuBelloAmante]

Guys on the internet tend to let their worst side show because they know they are protected by hundreds of miles and a screen.
I do agree however that PEOPLE male and female should show consideration when speaking to anyone.
Also i am sorry to here creepy guys send you those kind of messages, it's gross

[Guysvsgirls]

Thank you! I'm glad you agree that it is gross. That's why I try to put more reserved profile pics up. Not that I'm not otherwise. :-p

[PiuBelloAmante]

Haha good thinking! There is too many creepers on this site, girls included!

[Guysvsgirls]

That is true!