Am I Being An Unreasonable Girlfriend?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together since June. Every week I spend 4 days at my home, and 3 days over at his house. I have no car, and live about 45 minutes away,  which is why I just spend the whole weekend there. For those 3 days I'm there, my boyfriend is literally on the computer ALL DAY and completely ignores me. Not even playing video games, or doing school work or anything, just surfing. I can't even leave if I want to, no car. Last weekend it was really bad. He had promised me that he would take me to the mall on Sunday, just to pick up a few things, an in and out type of deal. This was the first, literally the first real favor I have asked of him. Sunday rolls around and he jumps on the computer. A few hours go by and I ask him if we can leave soon, he quickly mutters a "Yeah in a little bit." I end up accidentally  falling asleep on his couch while waiting, 2 feet from him. I wake up, 3 hours have passed and the mall is closing in an hour. It's only 10-15 minutes away and I ask if he can take me really quick. He said "There's no point, you wouldn't have enough time to do anything." And continues on with his surfing. I calmly swallowed the words I really wanted to scream to him and said "You know, I've been sitting here from 11 am until 5 pm without so much as a tv to watch (yeah, he has no television) while you sit on the computer. You said you would take me." His response... "I don't like it when you say things like that. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"   I think he's being a complete idiot.. Why on earth would a man act like this? It's not like he's a little kid, he's 24 for Christ's sake. It's not like I wanted a ride 2 hours away. He just seems like a selfish, pompous jerk. If things are this bad already, I feel like it's never going to get any better. He's now trying to "make it up," telling me he wants to take me camping next weekend, he's texting me every day, blah blah. Why would a grown man act so childish?

TaurusFemmeFatale · Accepted Answer

I do not think that you're being an unreasonable girlfriend. But what I DO THINK is that you rushed into things a a little to soon. The two of you are playing "Little House on the Prairie" and yet there was NEVER any real initial courtship. The two of you began dating in June. The both of you have dated for less than 5 months. Maybe he isn't taking much of an interest in bringing you places because he probably conviced himself that he has WON you already. Why take a woman out to a movie or dinner, when she is guaranteed to spend at least three days a week at your house?

The two of you might want to consider some time apart to evaluate this relationship. Maybe take things slow. Have him drive 45 minutes to your place and take you out for dinner. If you can make the same sacrifices for him, let him do the same for you. Its OK to be a little selfish. Your needs have to be met, too. Don't be afraid to lose him by losing yourself in the process. If he doesn't think you're worth it...then why give him free sex three nights a week at your own leisure?

DyingAngel · Accepted Answer

It could just be his normal routine, but you should say something to him about it. If you are spending the whole weekend at his place maybe plan something for the two of you to do. Don't try and use the entire day, but you know for like a few hours. If that's what he does everyday it's not going to change a whole lot but he does need to pay attention to your needs. Maybe take your TV over there with you and the two of you can go pick out a bunch over movies or something. If you want to make it work you have to talk to him about what's making you upset. So he can have a chance to correct it before you decide that it's not worth trying.

Jenny_04 · Accepted Answer

That seems like he is manipulating you. That is a very small favor to ask, and if he can't back away from the computer for a few hours to spend time with you, then there are definitely some issues you need to address.

Are you willing to hold your tongue anytime you feel uncomfortable? You should be able to openly and honestly communicate with him.

Things can get better, but he has to be willing to put forth the effort. If not, and he keeps trying to avoid the issues, then you may want to consider what is keeping you with him.

Just some things to think over.

CaptainFrost · Accepted Answer

i think that the guy is at fault definitely

unless youve left something out

you gotta do something about thins because if you let him get away with it, then this is how it will be from now on.

he left you with nothing to do while he surfs, and that sounds like he's taking you for granted. you gotta let him know that he's lucky to have you and there are other guys who would apprieciate you. People sometimes become contented with their partner thinking that theyve already gotten you so they don't have to put any more work into it to keep you.

in short, don't act angry or be ambiguous about why your upset. come straight out with it cause if you sit there and sulk, he will be thinking, 'good , she's not saying anything, now I can surf the internet that much longer'

good luck ^^

stercor · Accepted Answer

You are a "computer widow".

And you've assessed the situation correctly.

Actually, "selfish, pompous jerk" is kind.

I was a programmer, did 'computer things' all day at work. Then when I got home, I'd jump on the computer, ignoring family, work at home, everything.

When given an ultimatum, I promised to reform, but thought, "I'll miss you, sort of.".

Needless to say, that marriage didn't have a chance at all.

She endured it for 10 years and two children, then asked for a divorce.

Computer addiction is not the whole story, though. There was also alcoholism.

By the time I got out of programming, I had my fill of computers. My interests broadened.

Next marriage is better for both of us.

Hope this story helps you to make up your mind.

Ted

madmisskelly · Answer

Youre dating a child. It sounds to me like he has a problem-possible addiction to the internet(yes its possible to be addicted to the internet).

Talk to him about it, bring up several occaisions where the computer has taken presidence over your relationship and what he has told you he would do, and finally state a bottome line- that you cannot be in a relationship where the computer is more important than you are.

When someone is that into something(computer, drugs, alcohol, etc) they need to hit a bottom so that it makes them wake the hell up and change. If he really loves you, he will take notice and not want to lose you and tame his addiction. Either way you will benefit from the outcome of this.

TissueForIssue · Answer

He sounds like a complete douche bag, I drove an hour to my gf's college and an hour back to let her spend ONE day in town for a festival that we have every year, but she wanted to go. I drive to go spend some weekends at her dorm, and while I'm at her college I'll drive her to the mall, store, or any food place if she asks of it. If he's that addicted to the computer then after your gone he can have all the porn he wants because if he keeps that attitude up he's not getting anything else. Not saying that is the reason I do stuff for my girlfriend though! Haven't even gotten that yet and it's been almost a year, so yea... haha

nice_guy7 · Answer

24 isn't really "grown man" territory, most people in their early twenties are not very mature.

it is pretty brutal that he lets you sit there all day and ignores you, I really don't get that. When I lived with a girlfriend for a while there were days when I kind of did that but that is because we were living together 7 days a week and sometimes I needed time away from her and just wanted to do my own thing.

Aside form the fact that he likely spends too much time on the internet, there is a problem here. he is not treating you very well and I have no idea what you were doing in the first place going to visit a guy every weekend and sitting there being ignored like that. how do girls date such assholes? I don't get it. If I had a girl coming to see me like that I would be spending tons of time with her and having fun.

Dyreath · Answer

HA, he sounds like a girl.

Just stop going over for the weekend. If he doesn't like the situation, tell him to change it. Stop hoping he'll do something different because you believe he's "supposed" to. If he's happy with the way things are, and nothing's stopping him, then there is no reason for him to stop. You on the other hand do have a reason, so take some initiative. Don't just complain and hope the problem goes away or that he simply takes care of it. You have to actually think of something to DO and then DO it.

Tell him you don't want to go, when he asks why, then tell him that spending time with him sucks. If it hurts his feelings, that's his problem. His feelings, his problems. Don't worry about what he'll think of you based on what you say or how you say it, just say it. Sounds hard, but it's really easy.

4everbebe · Answer

Tell him to get off his bum and go out with you more, tell him you need his time instead of him giving it all to the compter, I understand how you feel ( Well sorta) My boyfriend is a pastor which means he's a Church a lot, if not Church he's a work and I am like OMG when am I going to see you =( but I understand he's busy but we are both 18 and he's my first boyfriend (been dating for 2 and 1/2 months, known him for 5 months) and I want to make things go right with him, so I sit back and tell him that I understand lol knowing I want to scream!

but my reason is different, so yeah tell him to spend more time with you girl

Binary_Illusion · Answer

I say leave him. He is more consumed with his internet life than his real life. He has a girlfriend not two feet away from him and he can't find the time to spend some of it with you? your there 3 days consecutively, and he can't get off the damn computer and spend time with you? He doesn't appreciate you at all. Your right there, and he can't bother to turn around.

He is a child.

Find a guy that appreciates you and can get off the internet and spend time with you. Your not a demanding girlfriend, you expect some things, and deserve some things!

audreymarie21 · Answer

this is still very early in the relationship, and if this is how he's acting now, then you if you stay with him, you can't get mad at him for this behavior later down the road.  if you are feeling neglected then you should probably leave the relationship... it's only been 4 months so I highly doubt you are in love.

armygreen53 · Answer

It sounds like he is placing the computer over you. If he is on the computer the whole time you are there he is telling you something " You not as important as whatever is on the computer". I say tell him it bothers you and if he does not change ditch him. I could give you more attention than this guy. Ha Ha!

BrianS198 · Answer

I agree, that is very childish.  If he wants to make it up though, maybe you should let him.  A camping trip sounds like a great bonding experience and it may be his first attempt at changing for your particular needs, you know?  Give him a chance to fix the issue, but if it doesn't improve, I would definitely seek someone else.  Lastly, you're not being an unreasonable girlfriend.  Give him a chance to make amends and maybe things will improve; however, if things don't clear up in a few weeks, I'd bail on him before you waste your weekends any further because you are clearly making the effort and sacrifice by taking 3 days out of your week to just hang out with him.  Best of luck!

Stanthemilkman · Answer

That sound real boring, I meen paint dry and grass growing boring. It also sound to me that he does not want a girl friend and he is wasting your time. Find someone who does want one and is not well him aha. Nothing else to say really its up to you in what you want to do, stay or go.

johnny_hustle · Answer

he has a computer and no tv. the least he could do is let you on the computer. and if I was him. id rather be with my girl than on a computer. sh*t even when I go to just friends house. I rarely get on, I would leave his sorry ass. really I would. and its not like you were really asking for much. I know what its like depending on other people for a ride. it sucks ass. just get rid of him and find someone new

xxChocolatexx · Answer

sounds like a loser, in my opinion.  I'm sure he has good qualities, but really, nothing is good enough to make this acceptable.  he needs to start paying you the attention you deserve, or its not gonna work out. I think he's being a complete idiot too.  if he promised you something, he should make sure it happens unless its a complete emergency. a computer does not qualify as a complete emergency.  good luck with this, hope I helped a little!

enlightenment · Answer

well perhaps he realized his mistake, and you should let him make it up to you.  But don't let that type of behavior continue or it will get worse.  you are allowing him to ignore you.  You need to realize that he is going to act a certain way if you allow it, and if he does it if even after you don't allow it, then you know he's lazy and selfish and your better off without him.

ressycup4 · Answer

My ex boyfriend did the same thing but he used his video games instead. But he was good with words so it was frekkin rediculous how I forgave him all the time. ugh. But you're boyfriend sounds a little self absorbed and he doesn't seem to appreciate you much, ure a brave girl for ignorin that because I would have broken something "oops my bad" kind of thing...lol

I VOTE BREAK UP!

u deserve better

troamundos · Answer

um...stop going to his house every weekend. You can still have a relationship, but when you devalue your time, so does he.  Make yourself less accessable to him.  You don't have to fake playing hard to get.  Be hard to get.  Get a job, and buy a car with all that extra weekend time.

Wigz85 · Answer

He is a total douche.  He does that and then tries to make YOU look like the one who's being a bitch?  Nah ah.  That is so far off the mark.  He obviously doesn't know what he's got.  Maybe you should show him what he's missing and dump his computer loving ass.  Jerk.

laurax · Answer

I think than he's a jerk. I should know, I've been there, yet he just sits around all day on his sorry ass watching f**king tv. It really gets me mad, he doesn't do so much as pick up his clothes off the bathroom floor, or the bedroom floor, or where ever the b**tards dumped them for that matter. He doesn't wash up his plates, he doesn't hoover up, he says he'll take me out then sits infront of that tv AGAIN. Girl, if I were you, I'd leave him. Tell him how you really feel and if he says he's sorry and actually starts to take you places then dont, but if he just says that stupid ' do you have any idea how that makes me feel? ' line, dump him and walk out. See, as a girl, you don't have a rely on him to do anything for you as you have you're own house, so therefore you don't need him. You can do what you like really. So do what you thinks best, personally I'd leave him. Good luck x

Anonymous · Answer

I think you're being perfectly reasonable. If your boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with you, then what's the point in having one? He sounds very immature. Tell him to either get back to you when he grows up and learns how to treat a people (I don't think it's an acceptable way to treat anybody in your home, let alone your girlfriend) or to stop wasting your time. You deserve somebody that wants to be with you and appreciates your company, not this little punk!

Anonymous · Answer

This is a problem for a LOT of women I know. I would ditch him. You can't compete with the computer. It is an addiction. Don't waste your time trying to heal someone like this. It will suck up all your energy and you probably won't have a lot of success.

Life is so much better with a guy who has a life!

Subotai · Answer

He sounds depressed maybe.  I don't know he also sounds like a bit of a loser if he really ignores you as hardcore as you are saying.  I don't see why you go over to his house.  You are not unreasonable at all

Lis4Loca · Answer

Wow what a weirdo. Why would you want to date someone that doesn't do anything?! He has never offered to take you out to lunch or go for coffee or go on a walk?! What a piece of crap. You deserve better. Break it off... he is a complete boring loser.

ILoveElijah · Answer

He's a computer geek and is completely selfish. He should be paying you attention when your coming to visit him, not surfing his internet all da y.

cgiddings · Answer

This guy is a schmuck! He clearly doesn't appreciate you or your company. Drop his ass on the side of the road and stay away. Go find someone more worthwhile.

robgmun · Answer

got to agree with all the comments here, what a jerk! Go find a real man that'll service you properly!

jenjen101 · Answer

u are not be unreasonable gf. he should get off his ass and hang with you. he should not make you wait that long and change plans for himself. especially if he's surfing omg he can leave it on that page and come back to it. tell him that. he's being a jerk and you should say if you want to be with me then when need one day where ur not texting or on the computer, just see what he says to that and if ur more important then surfing and texting he can at least give them up

Ninja_Jers · Answer

Hmm.. Maybe You Just Gotta show him how much more fun reality is than the computer(: Or just "Accidentaly" Break the computer. The Computers got to go though.

Partyboy69 · Answer

Honestly, if he doesn't want to dedicate you any time, he probably doesn't have that close of feelings towards you. I think its time to move on.

dark-fox · Answer

No way, That guys a jerk, no one deserves someone as unappreciative and selfish as that guy =P

cekendria09 · Answer

He is being very selfish you should tel him off and stop being available on the weekends he will then feel he needs to spend more time with you

dreamer010999 · Answer

Why on Earth are you spending your entire weekends with him, and you've only known him since June?

leawind07 · Answer

What a **** (the guy I mean) I'd dump him  as soon as possible because he doesn't appreciate you.

Ancalagonn · Answer

If he can't take time for you, you shouldn't waste your time on him. I vote break up (possibly via computer, oh, the irony...).

AtomizerJr · Answer

Why are you dating a guy who treats you this way?

Littletad · Answer

Leave him... please.

elchief · Answer

You should get a car

stalinhornsby · Answer

Wow! Sick.

Anonymous · Answer

leave him

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