My former friend with benefits keeps texting and flirting with me but he has a girlfriend. Why?

[Anonymous]

We used to be friends with benefits and now he has a girlfriend I hear that it's serious between them. They might even move in together. Yet, he keeps texting me all the time and when he does, he ocasionally flirts with me.
He doesn't ask me to hang out but keeps texting and emaling me about everything. He talks about his day, his work, he sends me jokes and funny pictures. From time to time he compliments me and says something flirty. Why is he doing it? I won't ask him to hang out because I don't want to get between him and his girlfriend but keeps in touch and uses any excuse to get in touch. Today he texted me at 7 am asking about a song we used to listen to. Why is he doing this? I can't figure him out.

[GingerGuy]

It sounds like he likes you more to me. Or he might be happy with his girlfriend but you do things she doesn't (not necessarily sexual, maybe you listen to him about his day for example and his girlfriend doesn't?) and therefore doesn't want to end things with you. Maybe he wants the best of both worlds? Ask him.

[Asker]

I asked him and he said he wants to stay friends. But then he made flirtatious comment. Friends don't flirt, do they?

[GingerGuy]

No. You might have to be the one to end it. Say I hear you're with someone now and I think we should stop communicating.

[Asker]

You're right. I think I should be the one to end it because if I let this go on, he might think that's OK with me. If wants the best of both worlds and I'm available to give it to him, why would he want to end it, right?

[GingerGuy]

Exactly.

[ninetynine]

Not sure. If I liked him, I'd probably tell him that I feel weird talking to him and being flirted with while he has a girlfriend. Maybe he'll stop emotionally cheating on his girlfriend and break up with her for you.

[sjoes006]

He just wants to keep you on the hook as side bait.

[Asker]

Could it be that he just likes talking to me? My friend says guys don't spend so much time talking to women they don't want to sleep with. What do you think?

[sjoes006]

No, no, no, no No!!!

Why are you putting yourself through this? He talks about his day, his thus his that. He gives you a scrap once and again and you beg at his table. If you are indeed over 30 please stop this now.

This is appalling behavior on your part. He has a girlfriend and you are one of the many women feeding his ego, have some damn self respect. You obviously sound like you want a boyfriend so why are you wasting time with a guy that sees you as not having potential. You were friends with benefits congrats he sees you as a cum dumpster.

Further anyone and everyone that know the both of you will lose respect for you. You could have dates twelve guys but not anymore because you're his side bitch. Please, please, please don't do this.

There are 10,000 guys out there ready to date you don't chase the one that treats you like shot and never will. I've seen a dozen women ruin their professional careers doing this. The guy leads them on and they get branded a stalker and fired. Move on.

[Asker]

Thanks for saying this. I'm over 30 but clearly I might have a case of arrested development.
I just thought he wants to be friends but you're saying that's not the case, right?
The one thing I can't figure out is what's in it for him to keep this thing with me going. We are not having sex. We are just talking. Are you saying I'm just feeding his ego or there is more to it?

[sjoes006]

I was raised with brothers and have two best friends who are guys that I never and will never sleep with. My best male BFF's guy friends would forget I was there sometimes and talk like they normally do when no ladies are present so I heard things.

Once you've slept with a 'friend' you aren't friends. Sorry but it is 100% true. He's only flirting and being nice to keep you as a side piece. It isn't worth the effort now but he is playing the long game.

He has a girlfriend atm but he is t serious about her. If and when he is you won't be on his radar. Not even a little bit. Proof- when they get married you won't be invited but Lon before that you just don't exist.

I'm only lucky enough to know this because I do have two friends from college that are honestly my friends it was us three and my best friend for life. My two best guy friends- I went to their wifes' wedding shower, wedding, baby shower. I'm good friends with their wives even though we weren't at first.

[sjoes006]

You already slept with this guy. Sweep it under the rug and move on. You are getting zero benefit from this partnership.

[Asker]

What do you mean he's playing the long game?

[sjoes006]

He isn't going to marry this girl and he wants you around when they break up. Not because he likes you but because you are a pawn.

Once he meets his perfect woman he will ice you our. He's playing the long game by giving you tiny at stood so you are there to fuck once he needs it again.

This man will never never never ever ever ever see you as a person. You're stuck on him so if he asked you to hold his gum until he came back you would for weeks.

Be less shallow and go after guys who actually do like you.

[Asker]

I'm starting to think and see him for who he is. He actually mentioned that he was going to marry that girl he's with now so why am I being so stupid and still talking to him. Now I think that he has no respect for either of us. He's dating her and talking to me. He's just playing both of us. Why do you think he won't marry her?