Why are men intimidated by women with strong personalities?

[S8tr1234]

So my best friend and I were hanging out with a bunch of her male friends a few days ago. Later today she said that one of them didn't feel comfortable around me. I asked her why and thought that I had offended someone. She said that he thought that I was very vocal about my opinions on certain things and that a girl should be a little modest. I didn't swear in any of the convos as I'm not a potty mouth and I can' understand what he meant by saying that a girl should be 'modest'. I mean you ask me for an opinion and I give it to you only to get the backlash of him being intimidated by me.

I find this really annoying in guys. Was I supposed to say nothing and sit there with a stupid look on my face while they have a discussion? Well he should be afraid because now I'm quite annoyed with him.

Anyway.has this happened to anyone?

[thewholetruth]

If there are any men out there who aren't spineless, I think this is a good time to be honest and help people steer themselves in a better direction. I do realize that the definition that I'm offering below isn't accurate 100% of the time, but we all know it's more than 75%. Anyway, I'm asking men... not 30 year old adolescents who can't remove their libido and trying to score points with a woman to get her in bed. You know who you are and so do I. Although, I'm older now, I was one of you, and... on most issues, we're all the same. So cut the BS and be honest.

Now, there are really women who are assertive and demonstrate these traits effectively and wisely. I dated a women who had an MBA from Yale and was a VERY high ranking executive with a MAJOR bank. Did she have a strong personality? Of course, but that's not how I would describe her. I'd say that she was focused, driven, alert, etc. Actually, she was great. Our problem was that she didn't know how to turn it off. More specifically, I've met many women who have told me that they've been described as having a strong personality.

In my experience (and I've also discussed this with many other men (and women). When a women describes herself as having a strong personality, it often means that she's acts like an A-hole or a bi_ch that is never satisfied, is completely inconsiderate of others and always thinks that she's right. They generally describe themselves as having a strong personality, because their friends can't think of any other way to describe them, or because they don't have the spine to tell them the trth. I bet a lot of women with "strong personalities" will have something to say about this, huh? Incidentally, the friend that I mentioned above was intimidating (sometimes). HECK! You don't operate at that level without being noticed. Actually, she used to same the same thing about me too.

Anyway, honestly? Telling someone that she has a strong personality is usually a cop-out and is an easy way of avoiding telling someone that they act like a jerk. Otherwise, we'd use words like passionate, focused, driven, determined, etc. We use phrases like "strong personality" when these very specific, descriptive and positive words don't come to mind.

For instance, almost everyone that I meet, comments on my being passionate within the first 10 minutes of meeting me. What does this mean? It means that I've found something that I truly believe in and believe that seeing it through is greater than me. It's my purpose for living

[jbone79]

First off he is no man. Any male that tells you to be modest is only trying to compensate for his insecurity. I love a woman that speaks her mind. It keeps things fun and interesting. Consider yourself a truly blessed gift among women because you have a strong personality. Lots of women have no substance. And if they are arrogant and vain because they think they are the hottest thing ever.yikes.that makes things worse. I'd rather my life with a woman that's an average looking person with a strong personality than a super hot chick that's either a total asshole, or a clueless idiot. I'm a highly educated man and I need that outlet in a relationship. I love talking to the girl I'm with. intellectual connectivity with a female is a big turn on to me!. and most women I've dated like the fact that I'm open to converse about all kinds of stuff. a little debate and disagreement is healthy and nice as well! Never ever change who you are because of one jerk. This world is packed wall-to-wall with clueless, mindless, apathetic idiots. Live your life the way you want. And never stop using your mouthpiece!, don't be modest girl! . unless your a crazy feminist chick, that has a mullet hair cut and wants to cut off men's johnson's in wal mart parking lots with a few of her tobacco chewing oil working roustabout chick pals, then you might want to be a little more modest for legal reasons. good luck- make good choices- j

[S8tr1234]

LOL absolutely loved your feedback. it's just hard to find guys who can be equally stimulating in a convo. sometimes I find myself walking in and out of a convo not because I'm not interested but because I keep hearing the same thing over and over again. and when I do say something they're not used to hearing from a girl it's like all of a sudden everyone's got that 'omg I can't believe she just said that' look. *sigh*

[jbone79]

The repetitive loop men have I understand as well. I have a friend that is a guy I call HBO2. most guys are like HBO2. Same old shit always playing, but sometimes you notice something new in the movie. A cure for this cd on skip mentality is for couples to go out and experience new things. I take dates to film festivals, art galleries, museums, expo's book lectures etc. MY only problem now.....is finding the right someone to date. *sigh* ohhh for sure! huge *sigh* - j

[S8tr1234]

Awww...yeah at the moment I'm steering clear of guys around my age. there's nothing wrong with them except that I can't seem to find one mature enough to hold a lasting convo with. it's painfully difficult. some people are satisfied going to a movie whereas I would love to go to the museum, attend a classical music concert or just walk on the beach and talk endlessly about anything.

i also for some reason get mistakened for being older than I really am and not because of my looks either. strange

[jbone79]

It's not strange. You are what the holland project describes as one of the "thinkers" in society. I fall into this category as well. and sadly, the dating pool for me here is like the lottery- a few winners...and a whole shitload of losers. I think it's a smart move to get away from the little boys your age. It will get harder to find a person who stimulates you mentally. Girls here are busy packing into night clubs to act snobbish and gangsta. I want no part of it.

[Kaybee517]

I agree with jbone79 ! This guy sounds just like a guy I work with. He thinks any woman that speaks her mind or doesn't put up with BS too "aggressive" . He's totally timid and has insecurity issues.

Any guy that can't handle a real woman isn't a man at all, they are still little boys that need to grow up. Keep being you!

[CuddlyCarla]

Men don't know how to act around strong women. They think that a strong woman wants a submissive man, when in reality, it's the opposite. Strong or not, women want the same things from their men. My best advice to a guy wanting to date a strong woman is to be confident, secure, and assertive.

[ALWAYSclassy]

The only way it's a turnoff is if the girl is really emasculating and unfeminine. You can be opinionated and still keep your ladyness =) But the mere fact that this guy insinuiated that you weren't "modest" and actually used that word choice, leads me to believe that he is a d-bag.

[WayTooPopular]

You might be arrogant and not know it, but that would turn off everyone, not just guys.

Your friend might have some bad intentions, like jealous of your good looks so doesn't want competition around guys and lied to you about the reason. Kind of far fetched though, I don't think that stuff happens often.

Maybe you don't mind arguing about things people don't want to talk too much about, like politics, religion, etc. People don't want a friend who's going to try to convert everyone they meet to christianity or environmentalism or talk down to people who have different opinions on serious issues. We've all had those friends who get drunk and shoot their mouth off about how their life is so horrible no one likes them. Some guy friends we can't take around girls because they'll just start arguing with them or say something vulgar or steer everything around getting drinks or throwing a party and the girls are just tryin to chill and hang out, etc.

If you don't have some serious problem tho, I never have thought a girl who spoke her mind was much different than any other. Didn't really consider it until your question, so I'm assuming its as unimportant to other guys.

[S8tr1234]

I try not to be offensive and I'm by no means arrogant or degrading to others. I'd never treat someone with disrespect unless they had it coming. I'm not an easy person to get angry.

i'm actually a happy drunk. lol

[WayTooPopular]

Yeah the first 3 paragraphs are really small chances, I was really struggling to find a reason why this is happening because I cannot understand why a vocal girl would be a problem

[CoffeewithMilk]

Wow! Nobody can write anything here appropriate since 2009. Men like sex, men have strong body, pretty face, etc because they are trying to impact a woman or more than one woman. Now, a tall girl, pretty etc. talking too much it is disgusting when she is talking and talking about what she can do with a man and when the right time came, she it is not ready. For example, if a lady it is saying in my face, that she love sex, that her last boyfriend had sex one time at year and that she was depressive, when she continue dancing around of a friendship with that kind of confessions, she is abusing of the friendship and she is intimidating the guy with that conversation because what she don't want to say, it is that she has been loyal to her past when she had sex with a woman. Women that has been in lesbianism trying to find answers about sex, they are intimidating, they are nuts and they are a silly empty body. I pass away when I deal with that kind of woman intellectual, smart and that know everything but she it is not ready after the heat of the conversation when she was there pretending that she is ready. What that kind of women are doing is manipulating a male, plain and simple. Why not be modest or say, I am a loyal lesbian. Period! Stop be acting like a girl or be a girl.

[thewholetruth]

One last comment. How likely is it that when we described a man as having a "strong personality" that we mean that he's opinionated, overbearing, inconsiderate, etc... a complete jerk, or... maybe a "know it all"? The door swings both ways, even if we don't want to acknowledge it. There was a point where I could have been described as having a strong personality, and... upon taking a step back and looking (honestly) at how people responded, I realized that I needed to back off, and.. even though it's not apparent in my writing, in person I'm much more laid back and quiet (even if I don't agree). Just because we don't agree doesn't mean that we have to jump down another person's throat with our opinion. We can offer our view point calmly and with diplomacy, which... won't result with us being described as having a strong personatlity (code for "lacking self-control). However, you can go with all of the enablers on this thread and never evolve, or progress to realize your true potential.

[Evilsheepempire]

Guys with weak minds prefer females with even weaker minds.

Guys who are smart seek out girls who are smart in order to share a meaningful life together.

It's just a masculan thing.physically weak guys don't like physically strong women, and mentally weak guys don't like mentally strong women.

Don't be modest, don't censor your opinion for the sake of a guys affection.

Don't sell yourself short, this will only lead to the affection of a guy who doesn't want to respect the opinion and your mind.

I like strong witted girls, I automatically get turned off by a dumb girl no matter how physically attractive she might be.

[wannabe]

yes! me with my ex and I dumped her

but she's little different from u, she has a slight case of memory problem

in the end she always right, I was always have to make myself believe I'm wrong when I know the fact I'm right, all the time

now I only date girls who look dump but science geeks

[WeaponZero]

Ignore it. He was simply a guy who is stuck in a bygone era when men thought a good woman should be seen and not heard. A LOT of guys can appreciate a girl like you and are attracted to intelligence. And please don't assume that all or even most men are like that because it's not true, although men who grow up in certain areas tend to be more like that.

[kiroarous]

yes, he needs to grow some nuts. cuse right now he looks sackless. there is nothing more satisfying than a woman with an opinion and that wants to be herd. no guy wants an airhead that agrees on every thing or just sit there. in the future just let him/them kmnow that you have strong views and ur not sure if they wana hear it. but when they ask for it, then its not ur fault.

[shf84]

A little modest? You don't have to do ANYTHING because of your sex. The hell with that guy and every one like him. I think it's great that you express your self, I don't think this means you have an unusually strong personality at all it means you have a NORMAL personality that your not a brain washed sissy a ss girly girl looking for her daddy to protect her. Again the hell with that guy what in the hell is wrong with people like that? That's as disgusting as if he used the N word.

[thewholetruth]

P.S.

If you really want to know what someone means, you should ask them to expand on it. Why leave it up to guess work. I've interviewed approximately 2500 women over the past 3 years on many meaningful subjects. If I don't understand something, I ask more questions. If they can't answer, then their statement are assigned the appropriate weight. Which is minimal.

[Strongwoman]

A lot of guys aren't used to women with opinions.or at least women who voice them. Don

t worry, they'll catch on in time. Actulaly it's better they know what we are thinking!

[shf84]

If only there were more women with opinions and independent actions. More Amelia Earharts and less June Cleavers

[iXenomorph]

Funny how many men lack nuts these days. Are you sure he's a guy? Maybe he was a female friend and you didn't notice.

[DaniRiz]

Happens to me way too often. I definitely have a strong, "In your face" personality, and while most guys love it, some don't. Those are the ones I don't give a second glance to and proceed to give a "How's THIS for modest?" rant!