How many times do you ask a girl on a second date before giving up?

[Anonymous]

In my instance, I'm having a hard time deciding. I've asked her twice for a second date, and she never said outright she wasn't interested; on the contrary, she'd call a few days after I ask her and ask me when I want to take her. But whenever I suggest a day or an alternative day, she gives an excuse, and the last time she said it, she said something along the lines of "I guess I'm not meant to ice skate in front of you and look like a fool."

When she said that, my gut told me that she just didn't want to go out. In addition, sometimes she waited a day, leaving me hanging, before giving me an excuse she couldn't go.

So I just let it go; I figured I asked her too many times as it is for a second date. I just want to arrest all doubts in my mind that she really was busy all those times; then again, she never suggested alternate days herself.

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I've been through something similar and I agree with the comment that she is just using you if she has trouble with some other boyfriend of hers or some similar reason.

I knew a girl like this. She played me a number of times before I realized it. She used to ask me when we are doing something, she'll even ask something like "Hey, why are you so quiet. Why don't we go for drinks or whatever on X day". When I say yes and try and follow up the proposal she will all of a sudden be busy or even tired that same day she proposed. WTF?

I got really annoyed by her waisting my time so I stopped responding to her messages all together. She kept on asking me on 'dates' or outings for many months after but I never replied to her.

When she learned that I had been going out with other girls in the mean time it really upset her and she couldn't stop asking me how my love life was going and when we were going to meet up again. It got so bad that it became somewhat of a joke in my friend circle.

Women like these have serious insecurity issues, I would stay away if I were you.

I'm not saying that this girl you mentioned is as bad as in my experience or maybe it might turn out different, just watch out and don't waste your time :)

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing your experience. The trouble I'm having is that I couldn't decide whether her comment about ice skating meant that she just didn't want to go ice skating and would have gone if it was something else.

The jealousy thing surely works wonders, but if I start going out with other girls, this girl will never know, so maybe I should just stay away.

Or maybe I should start playing around with her and doing what she did to me to her.

[seabazz005]

Agree with everyone here you've asked twice, if you ask any more times you are "devaluing" yourself and she won't like that anyway. I say move on meet new ladies, and if she decides to say yes and follow up great but if not you are already out there meeting girls and having a good time. And that's the big thing, don't waste your time. Don't waste your time with one girl who is not your girlfriend. The blow if she is not interested will hurt less because there are other girls in your life, just wasn't meant to be with her and you didn't waste your time. One thing I"ve learned man is that during the courting process you don't want to put all your attention on her, like guys, women want something they can't have so if they know then can get you when they want you'll be less attractive. You're intentions are known to her, if she wants it, its her turn to come and get it. If she waits to long let her see that you won't be available for much longer, Then she'll come after you. Either way, you are having fun.

[Anonymous]

She might be somewhat interested in you but not interested enough. Actaully I know a lot of girls who do this to guys all of the time. In reality they almost use them as an ego boost. So when the guy they really like is playing games, or isn't giving them attn, they will go to the guy they KNOW is interested and say "so when are you taking me out?", or something along those lines, yet never go. Don't even ask her again, trust me. When a girl is interested in a guy there is no excuse in their book. My gut tells me once you stop calling she's suddenly going to be calling you up askin what's up etc.

[blahblahblah123]

I think she's just using you as a back up. She wants to keep her schedule open so that if someone "better" wants to go out, she doesn't have a definite commitment to you. When noone "better" puills through, she goes to you. She knows you interested so she uses you as a back up. Let her go. Make sure she knows that you aren't going to be used anymore. If she wants to put forth an effort towards a relationship, it has to be all her. You've tried too hard to be a back up.

Good Luck

Hope this helped :)

[Asker]

Geez, that "better" reasoning kind of hurts. Thanks, though.

[blahblahblah123]

I was trying not to put it that way, but yeah np.

[luciaa]

never ask her again. If she is interested she needs to demonstrate it at this point. Let her come around to you. If she doesn't at least you stopped humiliating yourself. Most of us ladies that are on the fence can be pushed to one side or the other. If you want her back off, way off. Good luck.

[quantumdefender]

I only ask once. if she is interested, but she cannot go out for a reason, she will make a counter -proposal, this way, you know, she is willing to work with you.

if however she just says she is busy, but doesn't ask or offer a "plan B"

you know she is politely ginv the guy the brush off...and don't ask again.

[Matthew988]

Agree on this.

[sonic241928]

I'd say move on; she's not interested (or, not interested ENOUGH). Don't feel bad...some other girl will know not to pass up a good thing. Keep meeting new girls. Best of luck.

[pjones192]

yeah she isn't interested or else she would have said yes or suggested alternate days if she couldn't go that day. just let her go and try to find someone who won't leave you hanging (:

[djbradleyray]

dont talk to her. and show class. do what you do and be yourself. if you really want a date. dress well and smile when you see her. nothing more. it can ruin the chance

[Secretgirl]

Yeah, drop her. She isn't interested and she isn't goig to tell you to your face because that might hurt your feelings.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't like you she likes the attention you are giving her, if you walk away she might start up again. Move on is she was really into she would have said yes.

[Matthew988]

Dude, all I can say is: Close this case and move on, and you'll see how many nice/beautiful/wonderful/smart/ girls are out there... good luck :)

[sweetheart96]

Stand your ground. If she's trying not to look like a fool, she's doing a really bad job of it. Honestly. Tell her that if she doesn't want to go, thst'd fine. You're not her toy.

[heathergrace2011]

if you ask her again, and she makes another excuse, ask her what would be a good day for her. So then, the worry of making the date happen is off you and on her. You can only do so much.

[Asker]

Well, the last time I talked to her and she made an excuse, I told her to call me when she's free if she wants to do anything. Was that sufficient?

[heathergrace2011]

Well that's her loss...theres a lot of other girls out there, and you shouldn't waste your time on someone that doesn't care enough to give you a call back.

[mitsy]

Sounds like she's confused to me.