What to do when u miss someone so much and feel like a failure to the point u don't want to eat?

[Anonymous]

I was crazy about this girl i never followed my heart my whole life i always think logically but with her i opened up and tried so hard she liked my efforts and i was pretty sure she had some feeling for me the thing is I've been lied to a lot so i was so afraid to get close then i found out that she date other people so it was a turn off for me because i really want someone who is willing to wait to make an effort as much as me i backed off and she tried many times to get my attention because she used to do that and i usually walk to her and talk but i just stopped suddenly even looking at her she seemed desperate amd suprised but i knew i was doing the right thing then now after i went back to work it was the same time when we first met and she always in my mind i know that it won't work between us at all im old fashioned and she is younger and open to have fun only and now i feel so bad to the point i dont want to eat or talk i just shut myself off from people at work i just go and do my thing and leave i even feel paranoid when a girl act nice to me now its like i want to shut down my emotional side i dont know why i feel all this... And have no idea what to do?
ps she was the only one i ever met who made me feel home safe and happy...

[Anonymous]

Just take it one day at a time, and take time to get to know your crush properly before making assumptions.. There was an Arab guy who always used to flirt with me whenever I saw him, and I really liked him but my mind was full of doubts as to whether he really liked me.. He tried so hard to make me smile, then another guy got in the way but I did not like this other guy, he was just a friend. I also had no choice but to push my crush away every time I saw him due to many personal difficulties I was facing at the time and I am still facing such as depression, exams, social issues. I feel bad about what I did but I did not want to hurt him even more.. I've ended up hurting a lot of guys in my life and getting hurt by them, but I cared about this guy a lot and did not want to see him hurt so I stayed away. I hope you both get together eventually, it's a sad story but I'm sure you will get together one day.

[Asker]

She is leaving work soon and we both might leave the whole city so the chances are almost zero

[Anonymous]

You sound a lot like my crush I loved him a lot and I miss him so much. 😥 He was the only person who was nice to me when the whole class would make fun of me, he didn't even know me that well but he respected me at a time when I had no confidence and he made me happy.. but I didn't know if he was serious about it all as he had close female friend and girls who were nice to him. Even when he sat next to me I felt so happy but I couldn't even say anything because I got really shy (even though I am a shy person) and I was worried he didn't feel the same way and was just having fun.. and the girl I thought he was with was there too.. It's just so hard when people get in the way of things. I think as time goes by you will feel better, but if you really love her I think you should tell her as she might be feeling the same way as you.

[Asker]

That's terrible i think u should tell him or hint at it
I will never ever say that to her i already embarrassed myself a lot

[Opinion Owner]

I embarrassed myself too.. but this was online but he knew what happened.. plus everyone knows that I like him even his best friend tried to speak to me but he never told me if my crush liked me

[Asker]

I think u should make a move as soon as possible dont put ur hopes up but u won't feel stuck at least

[Opinion Owner]

But he's a different nationality and he's more confident than me he know a lot of people and and he's clever.. I know he had a crush but I feel awkward when I talk and flirt with him and I don't know why. But you are right, if I see him I'm first going to be more friendly than I was before.

[Asker]

Nationalities don't matter... Yes u should be freindly and try

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks I will.. and u should too.. by the way don't feel embarrassed about what u did.. I found it cute when my crush did things to get my attention but as usual I got frozen when he looked at my eyes. And if she ignored u in front of others its most likely she was shy and sensitive to the situation.

[Asker]

I think u r more sincere

[Opinion Owner]

☺️ try not to get stressed when u are around her.. stay calm and she will feel calm too. Good luck with everything :)

[Asker]

😊..

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

I'm a little confused about your story. You say you found out that she dated other people - do you mean you were turned off by her not being a virgin or you thought you were heading towards a relationship but she was also talking to other guys?

[Asker]

No I don't care if she is a virgin or not.. The turn off is that she was basically like any other women in her age leading me on while she hide the fact that she see other people it only made me feel that im a joke or im not even her type and she just wanted attention thats a turn off

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

I see. You mean you were talking to her and you thought she was taking those conversations seriously enough to stop talking to other people?

[Asker]

Exactly

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

You see from her perspective, you were just talking but there were no promises of anything. Did you ask her out? Did you tell her that you liked her and hoped for more? Did you ask her if she was talking to other guys? Did you ask her if she wanted a relationship? It seems like she decided to keep her options open. A lot of women expect men to make some sort of move once they have let them in and she let you in - she invited you to meet her in her new department.

How do things stand now? Do you still talk?

[Asker]

She knows that i like her amd she liked it a lot i even see a look in her eyes i never seen my whole life i know that she might felt the same way i feel but im more complicated than those guys who she spend her time with and i know she is dating i just wanted her to try with me instead of being just an option for her in the same year we met i had two other women trying with me i just wanted to make my efforts with her only im not the type who believe in keeping options open i find it shallow im not an option i wanted to her only choice i desevre this and she can't do it so i just backed off
I went to her few months ago and thats it never talked again...

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

So was she actually dating when you met?

[Asker]

Not sure but im sure that she started to date someone else later

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

If you believe you made it clear to her then she was not ready for what you were offering and then you just left it and didn't pursue her any longer. I think there may have been cross-wires which caused her to misinterpret how strongly you felt. Do you feel confident to talk to her again?

[Asker]

Im confidant i just feel tired and can't act like a fool again.

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

You so remind me of one of my Turkish friends who liked a girl but she made him look a little foolish. If you really like this girl and felt such a strong connection, then you should try and find out one way or another how she feels. This guy she is dating may not mean much to her but you won't know unless you ask. You can ask indirectly so that you don't have to look like a fool. You can say things like you seem very happy these days, how is everything and see whether she brings up her relationship. There are ways of getting at the truth. She may have liked you but not have been sure about how you felt. There is so many questions to be asked in this scenario.

[Asker]

I can't she should make an effort and talk to me and even if she does I can't be more than a freind i know i will keep thinking what she would do next and I can't have this kind of relationship again.

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

If you are not prepared to make an effort then everything is lost.

[Asker]

I guess you are right

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

Fight. If you feel that strongly connected to her, then fight.

[Asker]

I feel my dignity is more important than following my feelings. I tried with her and opened up even though it was difficult for me to do that i did it only for her and she didn't appreciate it instead she ran after other guys. She was the sweetest person with me i would never forget that and i will gladly over her freindship of she does talk to me.

[Asker]

Offer

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

This story is so sad. I wish that you both make amends in the future and can at least have a friendship.

[Asker]

The sad part is she is leaving work after few months and since we both came to this city by chance its really unlikely that we will meet again.

[Sadly_It_Fell_Off]

So swallow your pride and say "Hi, how are you? It's been a while and I thought I's day hi". Break the silence. Break the cycle. If you feel this girl and you have something then investigate it a little further. This stubborn proud streak is causing you more harm than good.

[Asker]

She is dating someone else i would only look desperate. Today i was sitting at work during the lunch time and i was looking at my phone a woman came amd sat on the couch next to me i felt its her but i just ignored it i didn't evem want of its her or not when i left that woman left and still dont know who was that woman. I already put my feelings out there but ahe predered another guy i won't beg her to be with me she is old enough to know what she wants and that means im not what she wants.

[Asker]

didn't even want to know if

[Anonymous]

How long did you date?

I'm kinda going through a similar situation myself and it sucks.

[Asker]

We never dated we spent out time at work weekly we just sit talk laugh she even insisted that i visit her when she went to another department she told me days and times to come

[Asker]

Its really a bad experince especially of u r not usually emotional

[Opinion Owner]

Gotcha. Well considering you haven't even dated let alone that you're not together, you shouldn't get too upset that she's dating other people. That's only when you two agree to be exclusive.

Right now I'm seeing a girl I really like who is keeping her dating profile and I'm getting mixed signals from but I gotta keep my cool around her because if I said/did anything that comes off possessive or clingy then that'd end it for sure.

[Asker]

I used to think like u but honstly don't u really want a woman who try so hard to make it work with you i think i only want a woman who give me time and make efforts to see if it would work with me instead of being just a name in her list as i grow older i started not to be bothered to act jelouse as long as im making the same efforts

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, but my situations different. I met this girl online and she got out of a 5 year relationship recently. Hasn't displayed any red flags but we have a lot in common, she's smart, has a great personality, and we hit it off big time.

I'm just playing it by ear. Easier said than done but from my experience, anything that's rushed never works out and that's what scared me because I felt a connection very soon.

[Asker]

U r right