Why do people say I am negative? I am just realistic.

[Anonymous]

Many people say that I am negative, particularly in the area of girls. I call myself ugly and not good enough for an attractive girls and they say its negative. What's wrong with that. It will be hard for me to get an attractive girl because I am a 220 lb 5 ft 8 20 year old man, and the girls I like would not like a guy like me. Why set my sights high when all that's gonna happen is that I get rejected. I mean I've asked 2 girls out and both rejected me, and trust me it ain't my personality (one said I was the sweetest guy ever, but not attractive enough, so it made me "average"). I know it's negative behavior, but isn't it better that I know I'm ugly and cannot get a good girl instead of trying and looking like some fat loser who tries but can't get any. I mean why try when your just gonna fail. I've almost convinced myself I should date this one girl who likes me , but is not very attractive inside and out (for God's sake she eats boogers, and she's 20, what's up with that?). Anyway why is is it wrong to be negative for me? I am just being realistic. I don't believe in stupid lies that people tell me that say I'll get the girl I want. I'll just have to settle with someone because of my looks.

[ArtistBboy]

"Settle with somebody"? Dude even if people gave you constructive advice you would work your way through the advice and just wreck it apart.

There's nothing we can tell you, there's no golden key, there's not even a leprachaun that's going to fix any of this; only you can do that.

So guess what? Not only am I a realist- I'm also a humanist. So you think girls don't like you because your looks? Get off your butt and hit the gym. Replace your older clothes (throw the old ones towards someone that can use them) etc

As for negativity? It's called "Poor me = Pour me a drink" syndrome. You are so caught up in your boo-boo's in life that you're not realising the great things either. Atleast you had the balls to approach those 2 girls; did you ever stop to think about that? Most guys aren't even that lucky.

Here's an eye opener for you- you may not think you're the most physically attractive, but how about you go volunteer at a homeless shelter and just serve them lunch. Talk with one of the biggest, smelliest, ugliest, grossest of the people there about his/her life and say nothing about your own. Just give him/her words of support. At the end of the day, go home and wash your face; then come back and tell me honestly if you would like to live their life instead of yours.

- You don't have it as bad as you think, so you have no room to be negative.

I don't mean to sound like an ass, I'm just being real with you. There's no sense for me to give you a pat answer of "ohhhh it's okay".. You're not a child, you know that, I can see that, etc etc etc.. So at this point, what are you gonna do; sit there and settle for the girl that eats boogers- or get off your ass and do the best you can to improve every day, so that some day (maybe not soon, but some day) you will get much better than you are giving yourself credit for. Sure, okay, she may not be some "super model" with a billion dollars and a lambo.. But right now look at the girl you are focusing at, she doesn't even have a beautiful personality by your own standards... Do us both a favor and get out there and give it your best swing every day.

It's gonna test your nerves/patience, but I know that you are a man that can deal with it.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

Look, its not that I think I have a bad life. I just realize certain things won't happen. I ain't that good looking so I won't get a girl, its sad but true. I mean I don't obsess over it, I just accept it. Some people have it all and some don't. sadly I am one of them that doesn't. I mean there's things I'm good at. I'm smart (4.0 GPA) funny, and a very good problem solver. So no I don't think my life sucks, its just that certain aspects aren't really working to well for me

[ArtistBboy]

"a very good problem solver" - So it sounds like you know how to take care of the situation. Put those good traits you have to use. First step) _____ Second step) ____ --> Goal = ____

What's your goal?

[Asker]

My goal is to get a girl, but no offense some goals are impossible. For example, maybe I want to travel back in time, but even if I have a complex knowledge of astrophysics and mechanical know how, it is still not humanly possible. Girls only like good looking guys with great personalities, unfortunately I am lacking in looks, and so I'll have to settle for the nose picking girl I mentioned in my question and just pretend I like her and go out with her ( I won't though)

[ArtistBboy]

Are they? Just because you haven't tried something doesn't make it impossible; it means that the knowledge we have may not be enough at this time, but while the decades age we can improve our awareness and knowledge- where eventually it may be possible; especially while you are saying it's impossible today.

[Asker]

Once again I have tried. I really liked, shoot almost loved this one girl and I became good friends with her. Well I told her I was interested and she rejected me. So I kept talking with her and about a month and a half later I asked again and she said she wouldn't go out with me because even though I had a great personality I was "average" in looks. Now it's just one girl, but I have been rejected everyime since. So I must be "average" to most attractive girls

[ArtistBboy]

It's not looks that are the problem from what I'm seeing; it's your destructive personality, no offence intended.

Everytime we try to help, you shut it down. If you want to change that, you know where to find me. I'm willing to help.

[Asker]

Look some peopel are beyond help. Like my brother. He has autism, and he wants to direct films. No offense, no college with a film program will accept him, and his ideas ain't that great. Now can he help that Autism has put limits on his mind. No, he should just get a job he tolerates and make some money rather than try and encourage him, which will just lead him to failure. I know its hard for me to get a gf, why try when I'm destined for failure in this area and success in others.

[ArtistBboy]

But what constitutes success anyways? Having women or making a very popular film? If your autistic brother wants to make a film, I'm all for it. It's not the goal of reaping millions of dollars that he wants, he just wants to make films / be a director.

Pick your battles and apply effort as best as you can.

At this point you have to figure what do attractive women have that you are wanting so much? From my experience they are just nice to snuggle next to or throw your arm around.

[Asker]

But its not just physical attractiveness for me. Its about love. I want to love somebody and be loved back. Its just I feel like people don't see me as a person who can be a great boyfriend. I'm just some fat guy who is nice and girls just overlook me. I guess its also because I've never had one and I'm 21 years old. Doesn't that make me wierd. I mean most normal people start dating in High school. I guess I just want to feel normal because I never have and I know that's a bad reason to want a gf

[ArtistBboy]

First - Weird to you, maybe... Weird to me? Nope.

Honest to god, you'd be dumbfounded on the types of attractive women you do have a chance to date if you get the negativity under control. Your negativity is like a barrier against your personality that's a repelling force for women. They don't want to be brought down with you, then want you to lift them up on your way to the top.

What's so bad about your looks anyways? The fact that your fat?... I hope you have a better excuse than that.

[Asker]

For women, being fat is like a complete turnoff. Trust me I could be a women beating drunk with an extremely dirty mouth, but if I was hot it wouldn't matter because girls would try and change me or would follow the feelings in their pants instead of their head and date me. My theory is to get a girl you have to be really good looking, or you have to have just the best personality to get a girl. If you are average and aren't really tipping the scales in any of these you lose

[ArtistBboy]

This argument is months old; but for the sake of entertainment, I'll reply to your latest comment.

What proof do you have that women ONLY like "strong athletic" types of men? Have you ever noticed that they have a completely different personality than the weanie personality most fat men partake?.. Look at yourself as an example, you could be at the gym working on the weight issue, but instead we are deciding to bullsh*t over the course of 3-4 months..?

[Asker]

Okay, this is my last comment, but if a fat guy wasn't a weenie and was confident he'd just end up in the friends zone. I mean look at Chris Farley. Yeah he was popular and people liked him, but I bet no girl in their right mind would date him unless they were a gold digger. Trust me when I was confident and asked girls out I got put in the friends zone and was too dumb to realize it. Also about changing my weight. I found out I have a thyroid problem which makes it hard to lose weight.

[ArtistBboy]

I highly doubt that was your last comment. You aren't confident, your just picking up on girls; everyone and their grandma can do that.. But if you can be there friend while knowing that they want you (while trying to stop them) it puts a playful vibe on the scenario that you are superior.. meaning that they will desire and feel attraction to be with you. Then you show them, through your down to earth personality, that it's okay to be themselves around you.. Voila. I win.

[hesaysim2sexy]

uhm... 2 bitchez rejected you and there are like 20 million other bitches around who for sure 1 or 2 of them will say yes to you and find you cute. so it's all in your attitude buddy. don't look down on yourself because how will you expect others to look at you if you yourself don't find yourself attractive enough? I know this is all cliche but hey it does work and don't worry, I already crushed on 3 chubby boys and 1 of em even went homerun with me... lol. yes it could happen to you too. lol.so cheer up buddy!