How should I give my ex's belongings back?

[Anonymous]

How should I go about giving my ex his belongings back after initiating no contact with him? He broke up with me, but wanted to continue contact. We haven't spoken in over a month now. I also don't think he understands my reasons for no contact. We ended on good terms, but I find it too difficult to remain friends with him at the moment.

Another question I have is, does no contact work in making your ex miss you or is it just a tactic to get over him/her and move on?

[Shlei3]

Well it depends on the person. Some people initiate no contact so they can heal and move on. Others do it as a way to see if there ex will miss them and want to come back. Personally I use it to move on with my life and allow myself to heal. I have an ex of 8 years that I never put the "no contact" bit out there with. I should have because trying to be friends was too hard for me and he knew it. He knew he could get me to continue to sleep with him and be his friend. He loved it so much that he abused my friendship and I allowed him to. When I'd get jealous over a girl he'd say, "It's Nunya!" (as in Nun of ya business). Nowadays, I'm sure to initiate it so both people have time to heal and move on.

As for giving his stuff back.do you have a mutual friend you could give his stuff to? Or you could have him call you before he comes to your place, place his stuff on the front door and then leave it at that.

[work12tx]

you can do what I did, put it on top of his car in the middle of the day.make sure you won't see him and its too far to contact him (like knocking on the door or window) but close enough in your mind that you made an effort. he get it, ok. if not, ok. I did my job.

no contact is so both can move on and evaluate and take it from there. can't evaluate with him keep popping in and out all those feelings come flooding back and you have to start all over.

[Asker]

When you say no contact can be used for evaluating, do you mean assessing what we had together and if it is worth going back?

[work12tx]

Just steping back and seeing what's good for you, whatever that may be.but you can't rush into things without figuring out the problems in the past. history will repeat iself. god bless =)

[bubblyblonde]

Can you not leave the stuff somewhere for him like a garage, pourch etc that's what I did but I most def did not want to see my ex, talk to my ex, it was not a good break up. I just think its easier, cut all ties, ALL.

[Asker]

I could do that, but the thing is, a couple weeks ago I heard from a mutual friend that he was surprised I caught all contact off with him and thinks it is a little immature. We had a clean break-up. I certainly don't want to be on bad terms either. I would like to leave his stuff somewhere, but I also don't want to run the risk of running into any of his family members. It just seems a little awkward.

[kelkel]

Sell them in a garage sale honey!

and, DON'T be his booty call!

good luck! *kelley

[Asker]

Well the reason why I wouldn't do that is because the things I have of his have sentimental value to them. Any other ideas? lol And trust me, I am no where close to being a booty call for him. I told him I couldn't have contact with him because it is too difficult. I haven't spoken to him in weeks.

[teesand]

First if you really don't want to see him then have a friend drop off the stuff. You could also box it all up and mail or ship it back to him. So getting his belonging back to him shouldn't be that hard.

Absence can make the heart grow fonder but if he wasn't having those feelings it will just help him forget you. The most important thing is how you feel about it. If it is helping you get over him then stick with it. If you are doing it to get him back then you may want to re-think your tactics. There are some good tips for getting your ex to call you back at link You have to decide why you are having the no contact rule. It can be hard to just be friends and if that doesn't work for you then stick with the no contact.

If deep inside you want him back then you should try something else because he probably won't come running back to you if he never sees or hears from you.

[Asker]

Well before we broke up he told me he does love me and certainly does want me, but because of his hectic schedule our relationship won't work because it won't be a priority. We dated for just over a year and half. I do want him back and I realize being friends would be too difficult.

[Asker]

He also spoke to a mutual friend asking how I was and was surprised I cut him out completely. Do you think I should send him a text message saying "I hope things are well with you. I have had your things for quite some time now. When would be a good time to return them?"..or should I just wait till he asks for them back?

[teesand]

I would sent his things back as soon as you can. Don't wait. That's going to keep you connected to him. If you really do want him back check out the blog link I gave you. There are some good strategies but you have to know in detail how to use them. You would want to use his natural curiosity to start getting him back.

[Asker]

A little bit of an update. I texted him saying Hey ___, hope things are going well. I have some of your stuff here, just wondering when you would like them back. Do you think it sounds okay how I put it?

[teesand]

That sounds fine. Keep it casual and very matter of fact.

[Asker]

Okay so I texted him that about 5 days ago and I have heard nothing back from him. Although he is on the other side of the country right now visiting his father. Sometimes when he goes there, he either forgets his cell phone charger or he turns his phone completely off because it's too expensive. What do you think? I would think he'd want his stuff back.

[teesand]

He is cross country so I would take that into consideration. You sound really anxious that he get his stuff back from you. Do you just want an excuse to see him again? I'm not clear because it sounds like you want to move on but then you are really worried about him getting this stuff back. If its that important just box it up and send it to him. If you want to see him again then start being honest with yourself about that and start to think it through.

[Asker]

Okay so I guess I am a little anxious. I do want to get back together with him. I just don't know how to go about it. I also realize that I do not NEED him because I have been doing fine without him the past 2 months, but I certainly want him and miss him a lot! He texted me back today saying "hey girl, sorry I haven't got back to you yet, been out west wasn't getting back later this eve! Definitely interested in getting my stuff, I'll be in touch when I'm topside tty. What do you think?

[teesand]

Based on that reaction I would say he's not giving you any signs that he wants to get back together. so I'd say that you would have your work cut out for you. Not enough space here to go into how to try and get him back. I've got some articles posted here and there are other too that might help.

[Asker]

I have read some of the articles, they're helpful, but I am giving up on strategizing to win him back lol. He still hasn't gotten back to me since that last text message. I know he is moving into another house right now, so maybe he is busy. I just thought he would be anxious to get his stuff back before he moves. Do you think there is a reason why it has taken him so long to get back to me?

[teesand]

He's busy. He said he would get back to you at some point. You're just going to have to wait. Clearly he's moved on with his life and he doesn't have getting his stuff back from you as a big priority.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

You could drop it off at his place when you know he's not going to be around.

No contact is not a way to make someone miss you.

People interpret it that way, I don't know why. That's fairly psychotic if people believe a turn on for a relationship is no communication.

No contact is a way to move on. Period.

[Asker]

Is there anything you can suggest I do because I am finding it very difficult to move on right now.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

You need time and distance. And in order to get those two things moving along, you need to have experiences.

I would suggest dating. Not dating as in searching for a replacement, or Mr. Right. I mean casual dating, meeting different guys and not committing to anything long term.

I will also suggest dating guys who are different from you normal go after. Now's the time to try new things. You never know what you like until you try it.

[Asker]

Dating is a good idea. I actually have started dating. I met a guy around 3 weeks ago. The only problem is that, I am realizing I rather be single or as bad as this sounds, go back into my old relationship. I have no urge to start anything with anyone else. This new guy has been calling me all the time now. I hate to say it, but it is becoming overbearing and is making me miss my old relationship when things weren't as overbearing. It's strange how these things work.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Well, things are not going to work out with your ex based on what you have stated. There's no reason to believe it is going to get better either.

As far as the new guy goes, ask him to relax on the chit chat, nothing wrong with that.