He just got so distant after I miscarried.

[Anonymous]

OK so we had only been dating about a month when I accidentally got pregnant. It was brutal but he was good and said he would support me in whatever I chose. I was going to keep it but, miscarried at 8 weeks. We were still dating but he was really busy and canceled on me once then said he was too tired the next day. I hadn't seen him in a week and really needed some emotional support. He had a work thing said it would be done at 8:30 or 9 and he would call me as soon as it was over. I turned down plans with friends and got dressed and excited to see him. He doesn't call until almost 10:30 pm. I was p*ssed and when he said he was tired and would call me in the morning I told him not to bother. Have now not heard from him in 5 days. Do I call, text move on kind of obsessing on it but also feel like he is a jerk help anyone please.

[selfishstars]

Well, it sounds to me that you got pregnant very early in your relationship and he decided to be a stand-up guy and stick around for you and the baby, even though he didn't have the chance to actually get to know you. Since you've miscarried, there's a good chance he might be having a diffcult time dealing with it just as you are (though he may be dealing with it in a different way than you are). Also, now that you are no longer pregnant, he also has more of an opportunity to reassess whether or not he wants to be with you.

So, probably one of two things is happening here: either he has been really busy and tired, or he is losing interest (or maybe a combination of both).

In my opinion, you overreacted when he ended up having to work later than he thought. No one made you turn down your plans with your friends. He was tired, but he tried to offer to call you in the morning and you refused. In fact, you told him not to bother, so I'm not surprised he hasn't contacted you in 5 days. If you want this man in your life, call him an apologize for overreacting and if he still wants to be with you, maybe you can work things out. If you don't want to be with him, then end things.

[31Ross]

Great answer

[Tamikaze]

I would not consider him a jerk. I think he came through in a difficult situation that most guys would have run from or at least pushed for an abortion. You two ended up in a very heavy situation at a time you were basically still strangers. Without the pregnancy, who knows if you would have progressed to a long term relationship or been a short term fling.

Don't forget that this pregnancy was not just difficult for you, it was difficult for him too. Not many guys are ready to have a child one month into seeing someone. I think now that you miscarried, he's having time to really think about what happened and step back from anything that feels stressful or demanding. I just don't know many men who are ready for the financial and emotional demands of having a child unless they are deeply in love and ready for marriage.

If his behavior does not work for you (it would not work for me), I would give a shot at talking to him if you can be calm and not judge him or push him. Look to others in your life for emotional support and see if you two can get back to dating and avoid the heaviness you just went through. Otherwise, yes, I think it is time to move on.

[avenavio]

You guys were only dating a month? I'm amazed he was willing to help out in the first place. Taking a look at the big picture - you're dating a month, something forces the relationship to become super serious really fast before you guys really know each other that well, once that serious thing disappears, it's just down to the two of you - and whether you would have worked out without this happening in the first place. It sucks that something like this happened so early because that can really change the flavor of the relationship, so to speak. It seems like he's kinda backing away. Don't force him back, he was already forced at the start - just see where it goes, but I wouldn't expect him to stick around anymore.

[anynymoooooose]

I'm sorry that you miscarried. If it was his child, then maybe it was too much for him. I'm not saying that he should act this way, but young relationships are delicate, and something like this could definitely pull someone out of it.

I would make a point of getting to talk to him so you guys can sort this out. A miscarriage is no joke, and who would want to have an issue like this unresolved in their life? If he doesn't agree and go along though, I suppose all you can do is move on, but I think he owes you some closure at least.

[DudeManWachamacallit]

After reading the responses I would agree with the general consensus that he wanted to be with you for the sake of the child..and I am also so very sorry you miscarried...let this time be a time for you to grieve and to go through the emotions, and just heal from this..I really wish you luck for the future :)

[ameliajp]

He was with you to be a good guy. he got you pregnant and was willing to help you through it. now that you're not, he realized he isn't tied to you anymore, he doesn't have to be with you. but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. but almost being a father is a lot to take maybe he just needs time. maybe he realized he isn't ready for a commitment like that, try being friends, re-start the relationship after you let him breathe for a bit.

[DanielSan]

Agree 100 percent.

[Sour_Diesel]

Im sure it was hard on both of you.

He doesn't seem like an asshole, sometimes when a guy works all day- he's just too tired to go out in the evening and give you the attention you deserve.

Getting angry at him for this is juvenile. At least he had the respect to call you instead of flat out blowing you off.

I think you too should talk, try to set up a coffee date or something that works around his schedule because he is probably pretty busy.

Tell him how you feel.

[l-hedoniste]

Move on.

What he isn't saying, is that his investment in this relationship was an investment in the mother of his child, not a partner.

[Sugashawtie]

I'm upset to say, I agree. I think he was just keeping up the relationship because of the baby.:(

[jimi_s]

I kinda agree with the answerer. But the fact that he stuck around for the baby, that showed some good character. That'sj ust my opinion, though , after witnessing so many deadbeat father who just washed their hands when unplanned pregnancy happened.............mother father (you know what I meant to say......)!

[candlewax]

He was only sticking around because of the baby. Now he's being a douchebag because he's not HAVING to stick around with you, now.

He may be going through some sort of emotional thing, but it's no coincidence that he's suddenly backing off as soon as there's no baby in the picture. What a douche.

[31Ross]

Why is he a d-bag. I think it's s funny when a girl needs help emotionally, a guy should be there, but when it's the other way around a girl like you acts like b**ch. He might be having mixed feelings right now, just doesn't show it by crying like girls do. Show a little compassion for the guy, having a baby is a lot harder for a girl, but guys do carry a little weight on their shoulders too.

[anynymoooooose]

31Ross, I'm with you man.

[candlewax]

Honey, it's not about being a bitch. It's about being selfish on his part. Yes, BOTH are going through emotional stuff, but him running off isn't exactly helping the situation for either, really. If he needs time away, fine. But making her feel worse in the process isn't cool. She didn't really elaborate on how often he was in touch before, but for him to get all detached isn't fair to her, either. It's a double edged sword, really.

[cutekid]

I think he z way too worried bout your miscarriage,but he should understand what life z all about,and der different types of people in d world and would xperience all sort of difficulties,.but no matter what happens b/w you both,text and call him,tell him what you think about d wax he acts and if he doesn't show remorse,i suggest you move on with your life dear...

[nermalinda]

I feel like he's a jerk. I can't see how any guy that actually cared would just pretty much ignore you and blow you off during a miscarriage.

It's obvious to me that he's already moved on, so you should, too.

[MrEM4N]

Try to empathize for both parties, nermalinda. His unborn child died. It doesn't take long to get used to the idea of being a father and once you accept that you're going to be a daddy you start to put all your hopes and dreams into the kid. Then, suddenly, that was ripped away. Even if it's at no fault to the mother is it so hard to believe that you'd grow distant from her? Especially in such an early relationship where both people haven't had an opportunity to bond at a deep emotional level.

[31Ross]

Well said ^

[Anonymous]

Move on without a word. Even middle aged love should not be cluttered like this.

Perhaps at your age, your should set your sights a bit higher than this teen sounding drama.

I mean you no disrespect.