How can you tell the difference between a girl who is playing hard to get, and one who is not interested?

[Greyeyes]

Ladies, how can a guy tell the difference between a girl who is playing hard to get and one who is not interested? When you play hard to get, what are some tactics you use/have used or some your friends/sisters/relatives use/have used? Why do you play hard to get? I personally never chase women whether I think they are playing hard to get or not, but for the benefit of the other guys, how can a guy minimize his risks of looking like a desperate sap when he has decided that he wants to pursue a woman who he believes is playing hard to get? Do you like it when a guy plays hard to get? If so why? I have heard many women say they want a guy who is unavailable Why? At what point should a guy make himself available enough to get the ball rolling with you? How do your opinions compare to the average girls opinions on this issue? Feel free to add any input you can think of regarding any and everything on this topic. I'm confident I know the answers to many of these questions but, a little more knowldage, insight and perspective never hurt anyone? I appreciate any input on this matter!

[cbheart416]

Hmmm.

Guys, I don't like playing completely hard to get, yet I do not want them following me and kissing the ground I walk on. A healthy amount of "liking" or at least flirting/showing interest to get to know me better is what I want. A guy that seemed desperate would continue to call or offer to be a backup, which is really really sad and lame. If the guy talks to me and makes it clear that he wants to hang out, I will be flirty but also a tad bit unavailable. Girls who throw themselves at guys often end up not getting a guy that really does like them, they get someone who is into them because they were convenient at the time and would do whatever the guy wanted. If a guy has to work a bit for a girl, he will be much likelier to end up still being interested at the end of the day, and appreciate her.

With guys, I do play hard to get to some extent. But a girl that's playing hard to get will seem completely interested in you when your talking, seem happy to see you at parties, etc., but when you call for a date, she is conveniently busy, yet suggests another time and says "oh I would LOVE to go with you to ____ but I'm sorry I already have plans! I hope maybe we can hang out next week!" or something like that. Personally, I don't like giving the guys info on the plans, you have to remain mysterious to gauge their interest and get them thinking about what you are actually up to. If a girl is keeping herself busy, she is playing hard to get naturally. I'm not going to clear all my plans up if a guy asks me out. If a girl is just not interested, if you called her for a date, she would just be busy and not suggest anything more. I do not lead any guys on if I am not interested, that is just mean. I try to make it clear instantly if we are just friends, and will not play this game with a friend. I will text a guy friend to hang out, but I would never initiate a date with a guy I was into. Of course, all this changes when you are dating. I would keep myself busy and not have my life revolve around the guy, but not be so mysterious. You and your significant other should know what's going on. But by not giving that info out until you are together, it keeps them thinking about you.

[Greyeyes]

Great answer, very insightful. Thanks!

[abetterme]

He wants to keep control over you. Attraction is built when there is investment. This a huge part of what is used tactically in seduction techniques for men to get women. While this can be contorted into manipulation, it is based off of something very intrinsic in human psychology. In seduction techniques it's generally one sided investment and one person holds more of the control. Conversely, there should be slow mutual investment if there is going to be longstanding mutual attraction. It’s a known fact that we attach a higher value to what costs us more. “Playing hard to get" is a game. When he’s caught you, he will drop you like a cat when a string stops moving. Instead, it’s about being high value and having boundaries that require investment. If a guy is willing to invest in what you are looking for and want, great. You can invest as well. If not, he is not offering what you want anyway. There will always be girls willing to give what a guy wants, if all he wants is something easy... or simply does not value women. That's fine, but there are also quality guys who will be willing to step it up if enough investment + respect is cultivated toward a girl for having standards, boundaries, internal confidence and a fulfilling life. It's not worth settling for being treated as low value to keep a guy. If you are not happy, don't settle for what you don't want. It's the girls that don't, and know how to build attraction that get respect from guys, and sometimes also their investment. Girls can and do find lasting relationships this way... really, it seems perhaps the only healthy way.

[Anonymous]

this can be a tough one to answer. I personally think that sometimes (I like to call it being a little more unavailable rather than "playing hard to get") it is wise for the woman to not be so "easy" to get. I think it makes her a little more desirable to men. if you are getting pursued by a man who you think you could like, I think it's smart for us to not be so available because it makes the man feel better when he finally does "catch" his potential woman. there is always a thrill of the chase and that's just my opinion. now on the other hand, I don't like when people play too many games and I am not for game playing but when someone is clearly just playing the game to play the game it does get tiresome and confusing. a lot of us women have learned the hard way that when you are too available to a guy he usually loses interest and gets bored. I have known a lot of men who like a woman who is independent and has her own life and isn't too clingy.

[Greyeyes]

Another great answer, thanks! One thing though, I don't think guys loose interest for a woman being too available, but rather for a woman being too clingly. Or is that what you ment?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes that is what I meant being too clingy makes them lose interest.

[Anonymous]

You know deep down if she's interested, it's instinctual. If she's interested she'll still be very aware of herself around you and just pay a lot of attention to you when she's with you - whether she's playing hard to get or not. If she's not interested she'll be very matter of fact around you, and just appear normal and won't have any reason not to talk to you. I'm not a fan of the playing hard to get thing myself but shyness can be easily confused with this so have to be careful. I only play hard to get if the guy has annoyed me for some reason and I've decided to stop pursuing him for whatever reason. Regarding your never pursue women thing this is fine but you have to let her know you like her - otherwise how is anything ever going to happen? And it doesn't make a guy look like a desperate sap as you put it, it just shows he thinks she's worth the effort. Hope this helps.

[Opinion Owner]

By the way - maybe she isn't playing hard to get - maybe she just doesn't pursue men the same way you don't pursue women. maybe she's used to getting a lot of attention from men in general and isn't in the habit of chasing - thus coming across as playing hard to get. Just a thought. Couldn't your "i don't chase women" look like game playing and playing hard to get???

[Greyeyes]

I am not interestted in being anyones self-esteem booster. Other examples of women I don't chase: I ask for her phone number, and she say give me yours, or give me your business card. I say good-by right there, or she dosen't return my call. I never call again, I don't keep calling, I call once. If I like a girl and she calls me believe me, I will get back to her, and I expect if she has any interest in me to do the same, if not all she wants is attention. I give an opertunity to respond.

[Anonymous]

I have learned the hard way that some girls will not be interested in you unless you know how to play their game. I have found that I really hate the hard-to-get game, but have found myself playing it with certain girls, and have also found that I've become really good at it. I can now play hard-ball with the best of them. It drives the chicks wild because they get beat at their own game. I really don't like it though and reserve it for those that are really tough to catch. I'm currently in one of those relationships right now. She loves being around me and talking to me, but she pretends she is very busy and unavailable when I ask her out. However, if I'm busy and the shoe is on the other foot, she is completely crazy with desire to go out with me! Crazy! I get tired of it most of the time & choose not to go out with these chicks because I figure, Hey, we like each other, why should we have to play games? Just be real and honest and things will go so much better. It makes me angry sometimes. I get angry at myself for falling into it! At any rate, just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents! :)

[Greyeyes]

Thanks for the comment, I agree with you 100%. I hate the game. I know how to play the game myself all to well, but refuse to. I'm 31. I'm not interested in playing games, sowing my oats, or any of that other stuff. Been there done that, and am not ready to settle down. With women, I feel if we can't be honest about whether or not we are truly busy, then where else in the relationship is there dishonesty. If it's there in inimportant issues, I'm sure it's in important ones as well.

[Opinion Owner]

You are totally right - dishonesty is just wrong! Whether it be regarding being busy or whatever, if she lies about the small stuff - just to try to make us jealous or something, what else would she lie about?

[AOgixxer750]

great bunch of questions mang. I'd like to know the answer to one why girls are always interested in a guy who is unavailable.

[letsgosteelers0087]

Wish I could answer that but I'm guilty of it right now so. I think what happens is, is that the girl gets led on by the guy who has a gf. that's my opinion.

[Greyeyes]

Thanks, and that's part of the reason I asked so many quiestions. I obviously don't expect each to be answered, but just some ideas to get the old grey matter thinking. I asked these quiestions not just for whatever benifit I could derive, but for both guys and girls. For guys it benifits them with knowldage, and with girls it increases the available pool of guys worth dating, because lets face there are just to many sappy love sick guys out there.

[letsgosteelers0087]

that's a lot of questions lol. well honestly I do not like to play hard to get and I wouldn't want it done to me. the only examples I can tell you are when I go to the bar and guys try to dance with me and if I'm interested ill dance with them but if not ill probably hide or dance with my friends to try to advoid the guy lol. or make up the bathroom excuse. some guys might take it as playing hard to get, I don' t know. but honestly, if I like the guy, I will be straight up want to talk and hang out and what not.

sometimes I don't think we realize we are playing hard to get.

[Greyeyes]

Good answer, thanks for the insight on the dancing scenario!

[Shlei3]

I don't play hard to get. I think it's completely asanine to do so. I don't consider myself the average woman. I have had my fair share of men who are playing hard to get.which in reality was a fear of commitment or just plain ego boosts.

[Greyeyes]

I think it's great you don't play hard to get, I don't either nor do I chase/persue women who do. If you are interested great, take me up on my advances. If not later, I don't plan to be you boy toy or ego booster, and who (not you specificly) are you that I should chase after you? That's my additude on the matter. Many women do the ego booster thing as well, and with guys it's a commitment issue more often then not, as in they got stuff going on with other chicks and your just a back-up.

[FelicityChi]

I don't play hard to get.
If I like someone I can't pretend I don't just to make him chase after me. I'll try to know him well enough before giving in to him
And to be honest, I find relentless guys annoying.
Most of them I've come across makes me feel suffocated by their persistence.


But I'd advice guys, if you're chasing after a girl and you don't know if she's playing hard to get or is truly not interested, be patient.

Give her some space.
If she likes you she'll regret playing hard to get and would wish for another chance.
You can get back to her again after some time and see how she responds
If she truly is not interested, you'll know.

[Anonymous]

Generally not a good sign if you have to ask this question. I wouldn't bother with someone that was playing games like this. If you're interested why be afraid to let it show and just go for it. I hate complicated games they're completely pointless. interesting point below about you never chasing women. How can you not chase someone you like? I should think this works against you. What if a girls likes you, see's you're not pursuing and just thinks you're messing with her head because it's showing that you like her (women can always pick up on this no matter how subtle you think you are) but you're not doing anything about it. Doesn't that count as playing hard to get? Or just plain messing with her head? How does this work for you? How do you get dates?

[Greyeyes]

I don't chase women, I let them chase me. What I mean by that I don't chase women is that if for example I ask them to go out on a particular day at a particular time for a particular event, if they say they can't then but make no conter offer of when they can, I hang up and never call again. Another example is I call once and leave a message once, if I don't hear back from them, I never call again. These are some examples of women who aren't really intersted, and I don't chase after them.

[justme45]

Girls who play hard to get. kinda flirt with you. But leave you hanging.

girls who are not interested won't return calls or act cold when around you. Not caring at all.

I think head games are so stupid. Immature and annoying.

I like to just be honest. Not lie. Act not interested when in reality I really am.

when I do play hard to get . I do harmless flirting. Tease the guy( making fun of him). Hit him ( simple touch) or a little sexy eye contact.

[Whatever2929292]

Either she is just not into your or playing games. If you made your move then you done your part. If she is really that into you you have left the ball in her court

[KeltoiThomi]

to play hard to get I advoid the guy. As strange as that must sound. I love guys who chase me down. A man who knows what he wants!

I hate chaseing a guy.

Because, guys are (no offense) can be clueless if a women is throwing all the signs that she is interested and the guy does not realize it.

so your fighting fire with fire...

[fulloflife]

yes gurl same! I love guys that chase me down too.

[tzdc21]

You don't. You just walk away. Either situation is not worth your time.

[dwiller943]

By paying attention to her personality in general and how she is as an individual person in certain situations when wanting or meaning certain things.