Why did he say he wants us to be friends if he is now ignoring me?

[Anonymous]

My ex is no longer talking to me after our breakup 2 weeks ago. It was very out of the blue - he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and needed time for himself.As my ex was breaking up with me he did nothing but tell me how great I am and that he would like us to stay in touch. So why is he not responding to my trying to clear the air and move on?

Last night I texted him for the first time. Asked how he was and even asked a question that I thought would help ease us back into talking to one another. we went from talking 2 hrs every night and spending all the time we could together when he was home( long distance job) to not talking at all. I'm not sure I understand how that even happens and in such a short period. Can anyone please shed some light on this for me? I feel like I need to say something but I'm not sure how or what even to say. I fell very hard, very fast for this guy all the while believing he felt the same(he was constantly telling me this was true). Having him in my life in any capacity is important to me.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I can relate to your situation. After going through an emotional rollercoaster with my ex who broke up with me and wanted to keep me in his life as friends, I finally had to cut ties completely, for my own sanity. He wanted his cake and eat it too by wanting to maintain a freindship. At first I was against it, but because I wasn't ready to let him go, I agreed. For months I kept in contact. We would talk to each other every now and then. But I realized it was more of a "text/phone" friendship then a physical one. I was getting crumbs. He never asked to hang out, for obvious reasons. So why keep a friendship if you're never intend on seeing that person. It was his way of easing the pain for me. How nice of him. I wanted to be with him so bad, but he had made his decision and was slowly moving on. And he knew this, for a long time.

My advice to you is, DO NOT contact him anymore. Trust me, it will save you so much heartache. There's nothing worse than holding onto someone who doesn't want you anymore. He wanted out, give it to him. And my ex said the same thing to me, "I'm here for you if you ever need anything", and "I don't ever want to not talk to you again", blah blah blah. If we were so great, they would fight tooth and nail to keep us, regardless. Stay strong. It does get easier.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yours was probably the best advice. I gave him space and he took the time to contact me and actually try to see me while he was in town. We are no where near back to normal but it's a nice start.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm glad I could help. Just stay positive, but also remain focused on you and less on him. He will sense that and will come back around in his own time. But better for you to stay busy and not wait around hoping and wondering when he'll contact you. It's self torture. This I know. ;-)

[jojomullins]

I am going threw this to said he wanted to be friend because er were together for 10years and had been threw so much together... it makes me really sad this is happening.. i am in depression because of this and i feel it won't get better for me. If he only knew the pain i am going threw but i know that he is happy without me and it makes me worse

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO! Good girl. Just continuing what you're doing. It worked for me and my ex and I have been going strong for over a month, but I still take things slow. Give it time. If it's meant to be, it will be. xo

[Opinion Owner]

@jojomullins
I'm sorry :(... I can't imagine the pain you're feeling, 10 years is a very long time. But you have to remember he made a choice to end things, but keep you as a friend. DO NOT grant him that desire. If it's not ok with you to be friends, move on. It'll be way too painful for you. It wasn't a mutual decision, it was his decision. You need to move on and start healing. Please keep your family and close friends in your circle because you will need them to get through this. Do not answer his calls not contact him. There's no reason why he should get what he wants when he wants it. It's selfish. Focus on you. And most importantly. STAY BUSY. Good luck! xx

[SunsetToMe]

I think the best thing to do is give each other some space. You can't just go from being in a relationship, to suddenly just being friends. Two weeks apart isn't enough time. Trust me, I've been in your shoes. It is so hart not to contact them and want to be with them, because it's what you are used to.

But trust me, give each other some time to sort out your feelings and live with out each other. After that being friends is much easier. I know because I've done it with my last ex. We will never be as good of friends as we were before we dated. But if we became friends with out sorting out our feelings and being with out each other, then it would have felt forced when we were trying to be friends. And it would have complicated things way more.

Best of luck. If its meant to be it will happen.

[unsure2009]

you have to get used to talking to him less and less now that you are no longer together. he needs space from you and though you don't think so, so do you. he knows you are open to be friends, so he will reach out to you when he's ready. for now, just go about your life and let him be. I know that is hard, but it has to be that way if you want to keep him in your life. it's just gonna take a while for both of you to be able to reconnect as friends.

[Anonymous]

If you want him to talk to you again, you have to give him space. If you continue to send him messages, he'll think that you're not getting the message that he's not up for a relationship, and it will push him away.

Personally, I think you should forget about this guy. Any guy who says he isn't ready for a relationship is trouble (believe me, I know plenty of them). Either he's a player who leads girls on only to break their hearts or there's some girl from his past that he's not over (and he's using you as a side dish until he gets her back because he finds you physically attractive and enjoyable for the time being).

I know it hurts, but you deserve better than a creep like that.

[Anonymous]

just give him space and give him some time. there is really nothing you can do at this point but if you seem clingy then your going to push him away more. so maybe just take some time for you for now.

[CocoPops]

Maybe he still has feelings for you and texting you makes it worse for him so he chose to ignore you, thing with guys if that is the case they won't tell you that I know it's dumb it's like I'm not a mind reader, but that's just guys for you. Or his either found someone else and he feels bad so he chose not to reply to your text, or he had no credit or something there could be loads of reasons you just gotta wait it out for a bit and see what happens

[FuryPig]

I think you should forget about him. When men said they are not ready for a relationship, they are not. Listen to them.

Telling you how great you are and that he wants to keep in touch...maybe he was being nice, not wanting to hurt your feelings; or he is simply just a selfish person, wanting to keep you as a back up plan.

Either way, I don't think you should initiate any more contact with him. No textings, no callings, no "hanging outs."

Even if you want to stay friends with your ex, give both of you some alone time to "clear" you feelings. Going from lovers to friends does not happen overnight.

[heatherjo1911]

He wants space. He needs to think about his life. and if its true he wants to be friends then he will talk to you agian otherwise it was a nice way of saying leave me the f alone.

[Anonymous]

oh geez...just forget him! people waist so much time on people who don't give an f about them...makes me so mad!

[Asker]

No need to be a B*** simple don't respond K? Thanks doll!

[Opinion Owner]

Look hun....i was saying that you shouldn't waist your time on a person who donesn't value you and your time...find a person who wants to be your friedn...k doll!

[Asker]

Look B. You don't go from valuing someone as much he did me to nothing in 2.5 seconds. THAT'S what I want answered and what you are SO obviously not prepared to answer. :)

[xptownshufflex]

Lol

[Opinion Owner]

If you wanna be a little c*ck sucking b*tch for the rest of your life...be my guest hun! geez you need help b*tch!

[meesh1220]

Pull in those kitty cat claws girls! We're all here to help each other, not beat each other down!

[Opinion Owner]

I was trying give her good advice and take her side...don't attack me for trying help you!

[Asker]

Ok honey...word of advice. telling me how mad YOU are because I'm wasting my time in YOUR eyes is NOT advice. that should have been kept to yourself. ALL IM SAYING! have a great day ;)