Why did this sweet, shy guy turn into a jerk?

[Anonymous]

We were good friends, but liked each other. We're both really shy people and his little experience is still more than me. He finally admitted to liking me and I admitted the same. He said I could figure out if we should date. I thought about it for a couple of days and said that we shouldn't and he said he thought the same. He reassured me we'd be friends and it made me like him more.

However, since then (and this was a few months ago), he hasn't been a friend to me. I text and call him and sometimes he doesn't reply at all. I'm always initiating and sometimes I'm helping him even though it hurts me. I just want to be there for him, but he doesn't even acknowledge when I do anything for him. He even canceled on me twice when we were supposed to meet up. I haven't suggested hanging out again and he hasn't of course. Why did he change so drastically? I keep putting myself out there and he keeps hurting me over and over. It's painful. This relationship, whatever it is now, is only benefiting him because we both keep putting him first. :( I just can't get myself to stop.

[idunno1984]

Girl! Just got out of that situation, but we went from dating to FWB to IDK. And I ended up doing all the initiating. He ended up being narcissistic, not just shy. People told me they thought he was a pretentious, contemptuous, douche. His shyness was a mask for how he looked down on people and he got people to do things for him. I projected niceness onto what was not there. Run, run far away and find a shy, NICE guy who reciprocates. It hurts like hell, but you will get over it. He is showing you how he feels. It won't get better. Sometime the sweetness is a mask :(

[visajoe1]

Yup, its over, forget about it. That's what he is trying to do. I'm sure he wants to maintain a connection to you, but you rejected him and there is no going back to what you had before this issue was put on the table. If you think about it, neither one of you stand to gain anything by keeping in touch. Just doesn't work that way unfortunately. Personal experience

[Asker]

I never thought about if either of us had anything to gain from this, but I will now. Thanks, this helps. I need to hear it even if it's sad.

[Musclecarman]

Well, if you feel/felt like this now you should have thought it over more and said you wanted to date him, the only reason he said he didn't want to date you is because he didn't want to come across as a wimp because you said it first. Don't make the same mistake again.

P.S. Forget about him, it's over.

[Asker]

Thanks for the reply. He knew I wanted to date him, but we have other circumstances so that's why he said I could decide. We both come from religious families and have different beliefs so we knew no one would approve. He said we'd still be friends no matter what so I thought that would be the best way to go in the long run...we'd still be in each others' lives while not angering everyone we love. While it hurts now, it was the right choice especially given how he's acting now.

[kheserthorpe]

Your friendship was always fuelled by mutual interest.

Take that away and that's it.

You can't go 'back to being friends'. In most cases you weren't friends you were rather on a very slow path to more and when that path is closed that's it.

[Anonymous]

He feels rejected by you. Maybe he thought he could pull off being friends still but his feelings are getting in the way. From my past experience I would guess your friendship is over. Sorry but I'm giving you my honest opinion.

[Asker]

Thank you for your honesty! It's what I need no matter how sad it is. I'm beginning to think we'll never be friends again. I realized that our friendship can never go back to how it was, but I thought we could still be friends. He keeps acting like things are okay, but then becomes distant and starts ignoring me. I figured he probably felt a little rejected so I keep putting myself out there. It hasn't worked, though. My question is should I stop trying?