Rejected by a coworker, but I sense she still likes me. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

So a month after I met this new attractive shy woman at work, I asked her out for coffee. She said yes. Despite her shyness we were having a good time talking and making a connection. She was smiling, laughing, constantly looking at me, blushing, and looked a little nervous. We exchanged texts messages during the following week. I asked her out again and she looked uncomfortable, nervously telling me, "I let you know." She looked withdrawn, possibly having a bad day. The next day she gently turned me down via text message, saying she didn't want to be more than just friends, as other coworkers caught wind of what was going on between us. I responded respecting her decision and I haven't texted her since. But now I'm sill catching her eye and her smile. At the company Christmas party, she wanted to sit with me at the same table, she initated conversation at times. I wasn't acknowledging her that much but I sensed she was looking at me alot. She randomly leaned close to me, glancing at me thoughout the night. At work, more of the same, glancing at me on occasion, making prolonged eye contact and smiling as we pass by, even caught her blushing again when I said something witty to her. I sense she's still interested in me, and I would like to take it very slow with her and build a friendship. What should I do?

[renner2009]

While it has occurred successfully, dating at work is a minefield. She told you she wasn't interested. Not heeding this message could create huge problems for you such being accused of sexual harassment if you persist. You perceive mixed messages for her. That her no means maybe. This is a mistake men make. No does not mean maybe, it means no. She could think she told you clearly she wasn't interested. Unless she approaches you, back off. Decide what's important, your job or getting a date.

[Asker]

It's only a part time job at a retail store. We don't see each other very often either. I've obviously backed off, her message was loud and clear to me. But are you suggesting that women never ever change their mind? Are all the aforementioned signs of attraction, the prolonged eye contact and incessant smiling even in silence, the continuous glancing, her initating small talk, the blushing and her cheerful demeanour she has when we converse means nothing after a rejection?

[renner2009]

No women do change their minds. If that has occurred she will tell you. The stakes are higher if you misread the signals at work. The body language to which you refer could be because she's shy, or maybe she's just being nice, or she could playing games or you could be reading her mannerisms wrong. You say her message was loud and clear. I think you answered your own question. Look outside of work. When you are rejected at work, the smart thing is to back off.

[born_esquire]

I think you're on the right track with building a friendship with her first, that is if you want it to develop into something more. Only show as much interest and pay as much attention as she does to you, nothing more, even less is better. You've already indicated interest in her, in time, if she wants something more, she will show you. Just keep being the good dude that you are, you'll ultimately get what's coming to you, weather it be her or someone else. Good Luck.

[renner2009]

While it has occurred successfully, dating at work is a minefield. She told you she wasn't interested. Not heeding this message could create huge problems for you such being accused of sexual harassment if you persist. You perceive mixed messages for her. That her no means maybe. This is a mistake men make. No does not mean maybe, it means no. She could think she told you clearly she wasn't interested. Unless she approaches you, back off. Decide what's important, your job or getting a date.

[l-hedoniste]

I would move on. She rejected me in no uncertain terms, so I'm gone. If she changes her mind, she has my number.