Why did he blow me off?

[Anonymous]

So I met this guy in a band. We started talking, sometimes till 4 in the morning. He told me he started looking for me at his shows and invited me to ones he had out of town. I couldn't because of just things like work or friends birthdays. Finally I was able to make it to one he invited me to. He played, then came and sat down with my friends we chit chatted, then he left to get a beer and didn't look or talk to me for the rest of the night and hasn't since. My obnoxiously blunt friend even told me it wasn't awkward. I've tried hitting him up here or there without getting intrusive but I can't get him to talk past the how are yous. I can't figure out what I did! Help!

Updates

+1 y

We met at one of his shows, not online.

Updates

+1 y

I would understand if we met online, but I had met him at a couple of his shows previously before we started talking.

[ginny]

What did you two talk about til 4am?

It sounds like he wasn't looking for a relationship with you- or anyone for that matter. Not all men are rude like that (in case you are wondering). He wanted you to come see his band play. That is what most band members do... promote their music. My gf's and I did a little experiment once for shts & giggles. I learned that the quickest way to get rid of a band member is to start asking them if they want kids, or acting all serious. Sometimes they leave skid marks-giggle. Anyways, after they play they usually grab a few groupies or frequent fliers and do the nasty. Be grateful you were not one of them.

I am totally stereotyping. There are a few band members here and there who are actually looking for a relationship... They are the ones who act like they are looking for a relationship. Generally, if this is the case, you will not be out in the pit, you will be backstage with family and close friends.

Ok, so he also may be a narcissist & maybe you didn't talk about him enough when he came to chat. Lol You deserve better. Next!

[ap1100]

I wouldn't read this much into it. Plenty of girls act like this, too. I have my own thread going asking why women ignore guys after dating them and the girls there don't think this behavior is rude. Double standard? The fact that he doesn't want a relationship means just that. I would totally stereotype band members as being that kind of guy. But rather than complain about it, just don't date them.

[ginny]

Uh... I appreciate your candor & would like to suggest that you read what I wrote again & try to engage your sense of humor lol You missed my point. I am not a man basher love -you are reading too much into it. ;)

I'm sure there are plenty of people, girls and guys alike, who would not consider ignoring one another to be rude. Perhaps they are accustomed to it. This particular OP found it akward, don't you think?

[ginny]

In any case, I don't know what that has to do with what I am talking about. I also don't know why I am not entitled to define what I consider to be rude. I would not interpret that said man's behavior implied any interest in a relationship. I don't ignore men & I expect the same respect in return. The rude thing doesn't work for me.

[ginny]

What makes you think I date rude men and complain about it? I admit my girlfriends & I have shared some light banter with the rude boys in the past for fun. We werent complaining, we were taking the piss. Those were good times.

[ap1100]

I'll take your sense of humor, but you're saying on one hand that ignoring people isn't rude, then you're saying you don't accept being ignored as acceptable behavior. Then you say that you should be able to define "rude" when it happens to you. Well, all this guy is doing is blowing her off. Another word for ignoring. What's rude about that? He "changed his mind", as people like to say. Who are you to tell him he has to like her forever? She served her purpose and now he's done with her.

[ginny]

MY interpretation of what OP wrote would be that he was not acting like he was interested in having a relationship. I don't think she did anything wrong.



You said that girls do it too and don't seem to find it rude. “...why women ignore guys after dating them and the girls there don't think this behavior is rude.” You explained that you started a thread about it. I hear you. I'm sure many people don't find it rude.

[ginny]

My response to you is that it makes no difference to me if you and whoever don't consider it rude. You guys get to think what you think, and I get to think what I think. In my experience a man has never blown me off & I am happy about that.

I don't have a clue where you are getting the idea that I said that I think ignoring people is not rude. I'm sorry you got that idea.

[ginny]

I also have no idea where this came from: “Who are you to tell him he has to like her forever?”

That's preposterous. This has nothing to do with me telling him anything. I make my own decisions about who I will and won't spend my time with. And the last thing I would do is tell some guy how to act. Wth would I gain from that?

[ginny]

I have no desire to act like some guys mother. There is no investment for me in perusing any sort of relationship with someone who would ask me on a date & then bail. I think I would be offended.

If a man is rude to me I say goodbye. If he wants me around he won't be rude. It's simple. If OP was into being “blown off” then it wouldn't have bothered her. Obviously it was awkward. I think it would have been even more rude if they had come to that place together.

[falendove]

Guys in bands think they are "rockstars" for the most part and I think that he felt blown off since you did go to the first few and maybe he already had another girl lined up.

I'm dating a guy in a band. He lives with his band mates and I know all of them like the back of my hand and they are my best friends. I even go to them when I have problems with my boyfriend/ their band mate and believe me, you'd think that they had no feelings and that they were all just about sex drugs and more sex but in the end they aren't. They are all just good guys trying to..well play music. lol

[zinclozenges]

You know why he stopped talking to you? Because he's in a band and he just wants to "live the dream" and meet tons of "babes." It's not you. Really, I'm sure you're a perfectly awesome girl. It's just that there are three or so more perfectly awesome girls across the bar and ten more smoking outside. You see? You can do better.

[DJ_Durrty_unk]

where did you frist meet? online? Because if so, I hate to break it to you but he took one look and probably lost all interest because you weren't hot enough for him. since he is in a band and such he probably won't settle down or find a girlfriend til he meets the right and in saying that he probably gets around with a fair few women and can probably choose who he wants.

So it makes me ask why do still care and are even bothering to try and let him use you?

Being a musician myself I know how easy it can be and I usually take up such offers if the girl is to my standards (which is really rare). So forget the dude and just look for someone better and stop obsessing over what happened. I used to obsess over girls a lot and it completely messed me up.

Hope that helps

-Ace

[DJ_Durrty_unk]

Well my guess is he got tired of waiting and what not. And when he saw you he figured there were no feelings and he just wasn't into you

[KarKingJack]

What kinda band is it?

He might be a real peruvian badboy. And he was planning to work his moves on you for endless, erogenous sex. And his band were like 'Man, you gotta cut that sh*t out. You gotta keep ahold of that, its disgusting, man. It ain't right, and its getting in the way of your playing! You either change your ways or your out of the band, alright?'

[Kaboom]

becuase you are one of his groupies and present no higher value in this equation. A guy wants to feel someone is special , and that means a girl that is not doing what every other girl does.

[MusicGirl135]

He honestly probably wanted something physical, and when it became too much of an effort to hang out with you, he gave up and tried elsewhere. It's really common, and I hate to see it happen, but it does.

[aliceinwonderworld]

This guys seems interested in you but the signs that he's showing seems a bit uncertain. I don't mean to sound intrusive, but are you sure he's your type? If he had any serious marital interest in you he would have told you sooner. Are you ready to become a play toy or will you preserve your dignity? You decide.

[M_A_X]

It sounds like he lost interest, for whatever reason... maybe once he sat down and talked to you he just figured out you weren't his type.

[SammieGirl17]

Maybe it was your friends I'm not really sure Hun but if he want to stop talking to you like that you can find someone better

[countmontecristo]

he believes there's a lot of girls that like him. let him go because you can find way better ;)

[Jager66]

he may have interpreted the fact that you don't make time for him as you two beings friends not dating interests and has moved on.

[HilaryRain]

Playing it cool? It sounds like he doesn't want you to know just how interested he is. I say let him come to you and/or move on. He'll let you know if he wants your time. A guy who isn't going to come correct doesn't deserve the effort. ;-)

[swagger]

Maybe because you didn't "blow him off"? :)

[brianccc]

He's too popular for you

[Anonymous]

I have to pee