He threw me away like I was nothing?

[faybaeb]

Hi. So my last post was about my (ex) boyfriend and mine problems of the relationship (check my profile if you wanna read that story) yesterday i texted him : hi can we call i miss you. He said nah im good, and after that he dumped me. He said he is craving someone who is really there ( i am moving where he lives in that area in a month, but he said he needs someone there NOW)
I really was desperate yesterday because I can't lose him, we dated 3/4 years. So I said: can we at least be friends till i am back so we can figure it out? He said: I don't know I don't know what i wanna do. I guess we can be friends, but i dont wanna facetime anymore, so we are just gonna text i guess.. < his words

Like, what the actual fuck. Last week he was telling me how he can't wait for our future together; Monday he texted me saying hey babe i love you so much, and Wednesday he dumps me? How can he change so quick? I am really scared, lost, and heartbroken. I hate the thought of him being with someone else.. 😩🤧

What to do? I ignored his last text wich said: goodnight. Should i text him or let him be and wait till he texts me? Is he even gonna text me? 😩

[Engageme]

I feel you. That shit is confusing and hard. It's really hard to just let it be, but that's the best thing you can do. I have a lot of personal and professional experience in this area. He's pulling back. We, and more often men, do this in stages. He is confused and lonely for someone to be there. Your absolute best course of action is give him space. Do not push. I would text back something non clingy like sorry I just your text or something like that. No matter how desperate you feel, do NOT show it. It sounds like he's already wanting you back but if you just jump in and cling he will likely run again. Just let him come to you. While you wait fill your time with something to distract you. Whatever that is find something. He will have the space to think and sense your absence and that will often make him realize he doesn't want to lose you. Once you are back together, talk about what he was feeling. But don't say YOU say I felt very confused and wonder what you were feeling when you wanted to break up. Or something like that. This is taking blame out of the equation. It will allow him to feel safer in expressing what he was feeling so you can talk about it. My husband goes through valleys where he's distant. I used to try to fix it NOW but now I've learned to sit on my hands, bite my damn tongue, occupy myself and he comes back all affectionate and ready to bond again every time. It's what I reference as his cycle lol like PMS for us only not monthly.

[faybaeb]

Thank you so much for these wise words 🧡 I really appreciate it. I don't really know if he wants me back, like, he texted me saying I am really the person he wants to spend his life with, and that he loves me. Then the very next day he texts me saying he doesn't wanna call or talk no more, only text 'sometimes' and like.. I don't know, what if he finds somebody else? Makes me feel like he really doesn't give a damn about me. He was even talking about that he can't wait to marry me someday, and now this, so confusing and heartbreaking!

[madhatters4]

you may feel thrown away but clearly he was workin through things and it isn't so easy if he spent about a week working up to a split

I think for now you sort of need to go no contact. focus on you and re-discovering the independent you. relationships can consume us to the point we don't recognize who we are outside of them.

I know it's easier said than done but i'm sure you have family and friends who love you. so take solace in them. allow them to serve as a distraction... I tend to think this will be a decision he regrets, especially if you are going to be back in his area soon.

sorry for the situation I can only imagine how much it sucks feeling like you spent so much time not close to each other only to have it have the relationship end when the distance will soon not be an issue

[faybaeb]

Yeah! It's a very sad situation, and I appreciate your words! It's just that, i don't think it's a real thing that you can go from Hi babe I love you I can't wait to see you again to, no i dont even wanna talk no more, that all within 2 days apart? That's like.. weird.. and it makes me feel like he didn't even love me at all. I told him yesterday i don't understand, i love you. And he simply answered with: how do you even know what love is? Like sometimes he had doubts during our relationship but then he ended up saying : hearing you talk like this makes me realise you are really the perfect person for me and blah blah blah, now that all just feels like a lie 😩 and i think it affects me so much because this was my very first true love..

[madhatters4]

he wouldn't have been with you for 3-4 years if he didn't love you. obviously something was going on but you don't just stop loving someone over the span of two days. it just doesn't happen... so one of two things occurred
1. for a time these feeling shave been growing and he was simply holding on to some hope that he'd feel better and when they didn't he ended things
2. it was a gut reaction to something and he still very much likes you

I tend to think it was something closer to #2. but ultimately for the time being you should just proceed as if things are over and let him come to the decision that he is going to reach back to you if he feels it. I just don't feel like people stay in relationships that long and suddenly a switch is flicked and they no longer feel anything.

[faybaeb]

Very true! I don't believe that it changes that quick, or that feelings will dissapear that quickly. So you're right. I mean, he is going through some stuff, i knew that, and he told me he didn't really wanna talk about it so i let it be but i still let him know i was there for him and he said i know thats why i love you. So maybe his situation got worse or something, but i dont want him to text me back whenever he feels like it and then drop me again, because i am already really insecure, especially now, from loving to dumping me , so quick, its just weird I don't know.. I just hope things get better.. i hope he is gonna realize what he has done

[madhatters4]

do you know what he's going through? I imagine whatever it is, is playing a big part in his decision making

[faybaeb]

He is struggling with finding a job, and his mom is giving him a hard time about that

[that1guy_123]

Unless you have school or a job ready for when you move there, you should probably cancel your plans to move. Clearly with your impending move, shit was getting too real for him and he couldn't commit. Now you're free to move on, congratulations.

[faybaeb]

No i have school and everything ready there. I am moving regardless like my move isn't for him, like being closer to him was just a bonus to my plan

[macmashpotato]

mine threw me away for nothing, could not even give me a reason other then "your too good for me" and i dont beleave that. I would of been with them forever and been happy, but apparently they would rather be alone then with me. Like it was all fake, like nothing mattered.

[macmashpotato]

Guys just do that sometimes... they get it in their head that they are not worthy and they can't possibly bring themselves up. usually this is after they have cheated and have a guilty but just keeps cheating. I saw the cycle happen and was powerless. Dont waste your time wondering what if and or why you'll go crazy like i have. Just move on, and as painful as it is to say, they already have moved on.