He's hardly talking to me anymore, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

So sad, it's been a week and a half since I've seen him, and we've hardly talked at all since then, a few texts here and there. Something is up with him and I don't know what. We're not at the point where I could call him up and ask, so what can I do? I am told to ask him to do something casual and maybe bring it up or see how it goes. But I'm so afraid he's forgotten about me that I'm embarrassed to try at this point. I really don't know what I did to him to make him act this way, but it seems the damage is done. Everything was fine when I said goodbye, but he's been rude and shady to me lately. I'm thinking jealousy or he's confused how he feels. What should I do to get him to talk to me? He doesn't seem responsive to anything I say, just the one word answers when he's a talkative guy...

[ArtistBboy]

You mentioned a few areas which caught my attention

"I'm thinking jealousy" and "he's confused how he feels"

Sounds like you weren't attracted to him before (or maybe you were, but just were uncomfortable to wear that on your sleeve).. And "my assumption" is that you weren't immediately following up with your interest when he was being sincere and showing interest all along.

It also sounds like that guy has been through some sh*t with disappointment.. Obviously he's rude/shady because he originally cared (we only react negatively when we have an issue with what's going on - not "just because" - there are exceptions to that statement, like assholes)..

You asked what you can do: Call him.

What's the worst that's gonna do? He may not answer, maybe he does and tells you off, etc.. But you should know by now whether or not this guy is worth it.. With that knowledge you need to put in the effort necessary.

If YOU truly feel he's a good guy, and all your instincts think that, sometimes you have to put in a little "extra effort" to win him over, or to take risks that you otherwise wouldnt, I say that because there are a very few good people left in this world - I believe they should get a little reward for standing behind their morals and being upstanding people.

~ ArtistBBoy

[Asker]

You're so smart and read between the lines. He was putting himself out there and I wansn't, since we were just friends. Now I care for him and he's walking away from my lack of interest. He has been through a lot and told me, and maybe I messed up. I'm afriad to call, I'd rather talk in person, so I'll ask him to hang out and brind that up. I think he likes seeing me enough to want to hang out with me again. He's a great person and I want to keep him around in any way.

[ArtistBboy]

The thing you have to realize is that your gonna need to completely "rework" everything you know about dating/relationships in order to successfully date this guy. You are in a mindset that is "hesitant" about going after what you want (up until you can gaurantee it's what you want and what you "can get")... And you need to say: "F*** IT" and go balls out after what you want. NOW! There are exceptions, don't just jump up and say: "Your a lightswitch, I'm interested now" (continued)

[ArtistBboy]

-- But don't be afraid to take the risks necessary to "interact with him" in that uncertainty that's going to be there.. Say: "I'm getting lunch, will you join me" and then eat and bullsh*t with him (he's still gonna be feeling pain) but then after "whatever you guys end up doing" make an excuse to continue hanging out with him. This way he can start to grow "comfort/trust" that he is sincerely interested and it's okay - without you directly saying: "Okay I'm interested".. Save that for later.

[Asker]

The truth is though, I don't even know how I feel about him! We've been friends for so long that it took me by surprise too when things ended up being more. He's not really my type so I don't know if I want to invest 150% in him yet, but I did want to see where it went. It's hard to see where it goes if he's backing off though and I'm not sure either. Ok, I won't say anything, but I really need to come up with a nice date to invite him too, something interesting.

[ArtistBboy]

Haha - welcome to the way guys feel 99% of their lives... ;D

Re: Date ideas - Try this: link

As for that "feeling of wanting to know where it goes".. Don't shoot yourself in the foot.. Most guys know by the age of 20 that communicating your interest almost never works.. Instead just show it (take him on dates / invite him to come do chores with you / etc) .. Eventually he'll catch on that you are starting to grow fond of him.

[Masiah]

okay dear...send me him that smss...

"what makes some people dearer is not just the happiness and joy that you feel when you are with them, but the pain when you miss them and can't be with them...missing you with all my heart".

And tell me as soon you get any reply.

Take care

[Elizaj1781]

Well there's gotta be a reason for not communicating. I would focus more on yourself and keep yourself and your mind busy. Don't wait around for some man. Trust me I did that and done doing that. Your number one so act like it... Do you. Its your terms that this man is on not his. If he doesn't call or text his fault not yours. Men come around more, when a woman focuses on herself and her plans for the future. Men run away when a woman sitting around waiting and waits and clings on to them. If your busy keep yourself busy with friends family school work take a massage class. Do something for you the men will come. Men are turned on by successful, smart, independent women.

[Asker]

I am trying to just do my thing... I did this past weekend and he noticed. But I also think he got mad. He knows I'm an independent girl with a lot going for me so I'll just keep it cool. Thanks!

[MrsJones7]

are you sure you got all the information we need in this question? Like why would he be jealousy? what caused him to be jealous? also what do you mean everything was fine when you said ''goodbye'' meaning when leaving his house or a date or goodbye meaning break up? But if a man likes a girl, he will do anything in his power to get with her. You text her and ask what's wrong with him straight up.. don't do it in a questioning manner. Just play the ''worried boo.'' see how responsive or not he will be and if it doesn't change anything, you better move on.

[Asker]

I said I went out one night and he made a joking comment about me having sex and I'm too busy, and I changed my plans and didn't really tell him what I was up to instead of asking him out last wknd. Also wrote things on my FB and on other guys walls that hint at dates with other guys. It was fine when I left his house Sunday, we were cool. I believe that, but we have a weird situation so it's hard to do things a normal couple would. I don't know if I have the right to ask him that yet.

[MrsJones7]

well I think that's that. He might think you aren't really girlfriend material if you got these dates and guys around you.

[Asker]

Well we weren't exclusively dating or anything, mostly friends who were starting to like each other. He takes girls out and has friends stay over so I don't see why I can't go out ya know? He always knew other guys were in the picture.

[MrsJones7]

well then if you aren't in a real relationship, there you got your answer. He doesn't need to call or text you or respond to yours if he isn't your man.

[Asker]

No he doesn't, and that's why I have no right to talk to him, but he's changed even as a nice friend. We've been intimate and started dating and pretty close so to just avoid me in any respect is weird of him and obvious to me. I'll just tlak to him as a friend, since friends wouldn't be so heartless either.

[MrsJones7]

well to men, if you find yourself getting emotionally close to a woman (not sex. they seem to know the fine line by the way JUST SEX and SEX with a loved one) they just pull away. He must have thought he is getting intimate with you that would require a relationship and maybe he 1) don't think you are relationship material 2) don't think HE is relationship material 3) you both at a point where yall can't be in a relationship in his mind.

[Asker]

It's def not 1 since he told me I am, and 2, he told me he wants to settle down and stop partying and picking up girls, but it could be 3, not seeing us together. I think he thinks we're getting too close for comfort. I'll just bite the bullet, ask him out, and see how he acts around me.