Help: How can a girl act less eager?

[luckycharms101]

Sometimes when a guy flirts with me and I respond, he loses interest! How to act to keep his interest?

[markml]

Oh, do you know how many guys feel the exact same way as you? That if we act too eager, the girl will lose interest!

I really feel it would be better for everyone, if people just wore their heart on their sleeve and didn't have to pretend anything!

You can't win for losing. You will lose some guys regardless, whether you act too eager or not eager enough. I think for a girl, the advantages of acting more eager (and making sure you're showing positive interest) outweigh the advantages of acting less eager. I'm not sure if guys should get the same advice or not though.

Look at it like this...guys who really lose interest very quickly tend to be very flaky guys. It has less to do with what you're doing and more to do with the nature of that particular guy. Even if you can keep their interest peaked for a while, these kinds of guys are generally not good boyfriend material because their minds wander too quickly.

Admittedly, I'm not one of those kinds of guys, but that's what I think.

Now, the other possibility is that the guy hasn't really lost interest but he's playing a little coy. Once again, I think it'd be nice if everyone wore their heart on their sleeve, but they don't and it's been scientifically proven that being coy is good for the guy. That's what a recent UVa study showed. Girls are more attracted to guys when they're uncertain about how the guy feels about them than if they know for sure that he's highly interested in them. The study couldn't measure what level of uncertainty is optimal though. To my knowledge, no similar study has been done for guys' interest in girls.

So it's important to distinguish between guys who've completely lost interest, and those that are just being coy. The guys who are being coy will keep things going in some form or another, and the deadbeats won't. But most of the deadbeats are guys who flirt with almost every girl they see, and so they don't have the time to go after every girl.

For me, I only "flirt" (and I use that term loosely because I don't think I'm a great flirter) with a girl if I think she's worth asking out. I may wait a while to ask her out because of the whole coyness thing, and because I'm kind of shy anyway, but it's a definite possibility in my mind from the moment I make the first move.

And really the only things that will make me change those plans are if I learn she already has a boyfriend, she's gay, she doesn't seem interested in me at all, or she does something that is very unethical to me. Anything else I learn is not going to change the decision really, because you can't really learn if you're compatible with someone until you've gone out on a couple of dates anyway. In fact, the more eager you act, the more quickly and positively I'll respond, so this is to your advantage!

I generally don't believe a girl is as eager as she pretends anyway, because my experience is girls who flirt but secretly have boyfriends who aren't spending enough time with them, so they waste mine!

[Icaro]

Oh come on... upfront and honest is best! Don't change your ways. Damn... if that doofus wants to play games he's not the guy for you, that's like the total opposite of what you are (since you're direct and sincere). Stick to your good mojo that is natural to you.

I wish I met a girl like you, the ones I know are attention whores and mindgamers D:

[lala_rose]

yea well girls that aren't playing games are heart broken..

[luckycharms101]

thanks :) I guess I should just try not to rush things or get ahead of myself when I first meet a guy.

[cbirnell]

Be a little evasive. Say something flirty or cute as you walk away. Say things that are implying too. Have him thinking "Did she mean what I thought she meant? Damn that's sexy." That will make him curious and thinking of you after. He seems to want a little more 'chase' so engage him further by letting him approach you first, and don't always give him what he wants.

Important though *never become indifferent towards him* to get him to chase you. Always be happy to see him.

[luckycharms101]

this is great advice. my friend acts this way and I notice she gets all the guys after her. I'm not naturally flirty, actually I'm pretty direct and straightforward. haha. any tips on how to act this way without being fake?

[cbirnell]

I should've been a little more specific on my comment. I don't mean play games. I just mean, if he comes your way always assuming you'll return his flirty behavior, then takes back his interest, he could be using you for attention and affirmation. I'm saying you should not always be available for him to do this, and if you are a little evasive at times, he will know you have placed a little more value on yourself, and will either work for your attention, or stop using you for his personal gain

[cbirnell]

My using of "chase" is not meaning to be push and pull mind games. I just mean it's easy to take advantage of things that are easily won over. Make yourself scarce while letting him know in a not-so- strong way that you have an interest in him. He will retract his flirting, or try harder to get you... I think the latter will be true. Place a little more value on yourself, don't be so easily won over, and he will likely respect you more for it. If not, he's not for you.

[luckycharms101]

thanks, I especially like the idea about placing more value on yourself. a lot of times you don't even know enough about the guy to know whether you should even be liking him or not yet! it's just tough right now as I'm getting over a breakup and missing having a boyfriend. I'll keep your tips in mind though.

[Anonymous]

Laugh at his jokes, but not too much. 3 seconds is enough. Look him in the eye, but don't stare him down like a hungry dog gazing at a bowl of food. Lower your voice when you make statements. You'll sound ditzy otherwise. Finally, let him make the call to action. Let him ask you what you're doing Friday or whatever.

[Myth024]

I would venture to guess that your acting eager because you ARE eager. Your asking how to respond opposite to your natural inclination. True, this eagerness can sometimes be mistaken for desperation so I can understand why you would want to adjust your behavior. I feel the key here is adjusting how exactly you respond as opposed to try and hide how eager you are. Try thinking about how you like guys to respond to you and what elements of their response would make you think they are desperate and what elements simply make you feel like they are interested in you.

Understanding how you respond when your eager and how you respond when you are not may also give you a clue as to what things you do differently and how you can adjust the way you react.

Beyond that, it's difficult to say unless I knew exactly what you were doing to give your "eagerness" away.

:)

[WeaponZero]

If your natural reaction to a guy flirting with you ends up pushing him away, then all it means is you weren't compatible. Don't change it because then you're only hurting yourself in your search for someone who is compatible with you. Besides, guys who prefer hard-to-get girls are usually only after some casual fun anyway.

[luckycharms101]

Never realized this but you may be right.. The guys my friend attracts by playing hard to get and acting evasive tend to like playing mind games as well and she ends up dumping them because they're kinda asses to her..

[WeaponZero]

There you go =)

[TexPlayboy]

It is better not to play games, because if you do, you will end up with a game player. If he flirts and you respond and then he moves on, then I promise you that he was not really all that interested in anything serious.

When looking for a relationship, invest your heart in a guy who takes you serious and treats you with respect and cherishes your every move.

Good Luck,

James

[SrSmokesAlot]

dont try to change yourself to get a man because after a while you'll get sick of being someone you're not.

[gummybear888]

just let them come to you and do less work trying to get to know them.

[Anonymous]

keep a wall up, don't open up too much

[Wasiq]

Helpful question