HELP! My friends hate/don't like my crush. What should I do?

[LucyPag]

I've Iiked my current crush since last year. He goes to the same uni I go to but he's on another course. We don't have a super close friendship, but our chemistry is undeniable. I feel it everytime we see or speak to each other. there are many subtle flirty moments , we hold long eye contact, he asks me lots of questions, he talks and listens to me and he seems very interested in what I'm saying (unlike other guys). He always tries to touch me subtly to comfort me or just even to ask me how I'm doing, we hug 2 or 3 times everytime we see each other (we don't see each other very often) the last time I saw him he said "it is very nice to see you, we haven't seen each other in ages" like 3 times, he also winked at me. He doesn't know that I like him, but maybe he knows from my subtle attempts of showing it. He's very nice to me and he has always been since more than a year ago. I know last year he liked me because he told to a few people and it was also obvious, but time has passed since then, he got himself a girlfriend and now he broke up with her, and I don't know if he still likes me. When we're around each other he acts very cute with me. Once I said something and his friends said to him "oh she's a bit full of herself", I felt ashamed but he said "oh no no that's cute" Aw
The only problem is: last year he had a bit of a fuckboy/dick reputation and my friends don't want to hear me talking about him, they get annoyed every time, the thing is;all of them don't know him personally, they don't see how nicely he treats me or our chemistry. They don't know him like I do, they never even spoke to him. So I feel like they don't have the right to judge him. Yeah those rumours of him being a player and a jerk might be true and I'm aware of it but still. I hate that my friends don't support this, I always supported them with their crushes. they also make fun of his looks sometimes, even tho I find him super hot and attractive. What do you think of this? What should I do?

[SteveSmith1985]

Well... first of all... I had to laugh at:

"He doesn't know that I like him, but maybe he knows from my subtle attempts of showing it."

hahaha... yea... he definitely knows. It's definitely a good thing that you're not one of those girls who can't recognize when a guy is into her... but you can safely assume that he is equally observant... and that you aren't subtle. I don't know you.. but I guarantee you... you weren't subtle. Just saying... I laughed really hard at that. Now on to your problem.

I have mixed feelings here.

On the one hand, I agree with you.

I think that if your friends have never even spoken to the guy, or seen how he acts when he's around you... they really are in no position to pass judgement on him. They are basing a judgement on NOTHING but rumours. That is always a stupid way to judge anybody. People talk a lot of shit.

Often if there's a "general consensus" that a person is "this or that way" there is quite a bit of truth in it. If someone's got a reputation for being an asshole, or a player, or a slut or whatever... sometimes it's just... the observations of a lot of different people agreeing. There is something to the "reputation". It's deserved.

That is BY NO MEANS ALWAYS TRUE. There are many many times where people end up gaining a reputation, that isn't really reflective of reality. So your friends "not wanting to hear" about your crush on this guy, and dismissing him out-of-hand as a "bad guy" is totally unfair.

I think that it's good and right for your friends to care about you enough to want to keep you from getting hurt. I can see that their heart is in the right place. I'm extremely overprotective of my female friends when it comes to the guys they get involved with myself.
But for me, I always want AS MUCH information as possible... as much of ANY information... when I'm trying to determine whether or not a guy is "any good" for a female friend of mine. So if he has a reputation for being a player... that's going to count heavily against him. That doesn't mean that "I no longer want to hear about him" because he's a bad guy... What it means, for me, as a friend is:

I WANT TO HEAR EVERYTHING ABOUT HIIM

I would express my concerns to my friend about the reputation this guy had. If she said, "yea, I know, but I still like him, he's not like that with me" (what you're saying)... Then I would basically be wanting to find out as much as I can about this guy to confirm or contradict this bad reputation he's got. I would be wanting my female friend to tell me every single detail about all their interaction... making my judgement on MORE information.

Basing a judgement on almost zero information (like your friends are doing) leads to an inability to make anything like an ACCURATE judgement.

So your friends are just trying to protect you from being hurt. That's good. They're just taking it too far. It's not helping you if they "don't want to hear" (in other words won't support you) when it comes to your having a crush on this guy. The reason is... you DO STILL have a crush on this guy. Them shutting down the possibility... doesn't change the fact.

So they would be so much better to be upfront about their concerns to you. But then to do their best to support you, and ask you for MORE details about him, how you feel about him, etc etc. and not shut you down. If he seems to be treating you well... then ok... they can be extra sets of eyes to pick out anything that seems fishy to them AS THINGS MOVE FORWARD between you and this guy (if things go somewhere at all)

They need to be "with you" in this... since you're going to "go there" regardless. That's the only way they can be there to protect you. If they know all the details of what's happening... and can call "bullshit" on this guy... even if you don't see it.

I do think though that you need to be really careful yourself. If this guy's reputation IS deserved... how do you figure you won't be 'tricked'? Keep your eyes open and be careful :)

[JimmyQ]

I'd be careful. He may be innocent as you suppose or he could be marking you and gauging your interest for a little surprise party planed for two.

I would highly recommend that you slow down the spinning of the wheels to a crawl. Try not being so enthusiastic at your next meeting. Then if he is interested, tell him you have a problem with a particular subject in school. Make it a subject that you completely understand, but make your issue believable.

If he takes the high road and attempts to grasp a deeper understanding, then his interest may be genuine, but it still wouldn't explain the long lapses of absence between your chance meetings. Any other reaction to your pain might suggest a cold, distant disinterest in you as a person.

This should be enough of a confirmation to either strengthen or weaken your resolve.

Many people are very clever and their public personas are deeply contrived.

The more smitten you are, the less likely you will be to see a trap being set.

I know a woman who confided in me that at the age of 15 she was invited to a house party by a man she was crushing on. When they arrived the house was dark and a police officer was sitting inside.

Her date left her there and the officer raped her repeatedly. When she reported the incident she was told that she was lying and she was lucky not to be arrested.

The story could have ended there, but she had become pregnant and the child grew to be just like his dad.

She now lives in fear of her own son and has gone into hiding.

So, learn this one thing and take it to heart; people are seldom who they appear to be, and a woman, just like a man, must use all caution when selecting a mate.

[Stan83]

Your friends are protecting you. Be careful. Try to make them know each other, they will probably change their mind.

[SissyFrenchMaid]

It shouldn't matter what your friends think as long as your ok about it

[Anonymous]

U dont have u bother about what ur friends think