Should the boyfriend ask the girlfriend's dad for permission to get married, even if only as a formality?

[josei]

So I'm just curious, how many people believe in still upholding the tradition of asking the father of the intended bride for permission to get married, even if it's just a formality kind of thing?

For GIRLS, what do you think? Should your boyfriend ask? For the already married/engaged, did he ask? What would your dad prefer, what would you prefer?

For GUYS, do you think you should ask? If you're married/engaged, did you ask? Did the dad care? If you have daughters, do you want to be asked?

I've been wondering, because I know a lot of young married guys these days, and I was surprised to discover how many of them held to tradition and asked the dad, or at least took him aside and announced their intention. I hadn't known anyone still did that until recently.

[cun7n1nja]

I know that if my boyfriend ever decided he wanted to marry me, he would most definitely ask my dad. Not for permission, but for approval. He'd view it as a respect thing. This issue combines two things that are very important to him: Respect, and family. Personally, I don't think it's NECESSARY, but he knows I'm very close to my dad, very much a daddy's girl, so I would find it very cute that he would ask for my dad's blessing. My dad's kind of traditional in some aspects, and I think he would appreciate being asked. He's content to let me make my own decisions, all he cares about is that I'm happy and that the dude treats me right. Odds are, he probably already likes and respects whoever I'm with, providing they fit the above criteria. But it would certainly give him a new level of respect for the guy asking, even though he knows his permission isn't needed. My mind would be made up regardless. If I wanted to marry someone, I would do it, but I would feel better having my dad's approval because his opinion matters to me.

I know my dude would definitely see it as a sign of respect for a guy to ask his approval to marry his daughter, when she gets older. She's a daddy's girl too, and he's very protective.

[britts_420]

Well my boyfriend has told me many times he wants to get married but wants to ask my dad first before he actually asks me.. now to me I think its adorable that he would actually take the time to ask my dad it shows he not only cares about me but my family also. which is something he's gonna have to live with forever when we do get married. so by all means I think he should ask my dad plus that's a huge plus in my parents eyes. its just one of those tradtions that are okay to stick around (:

[josei]

I think this is a great example of how multicultural the US is, and there's really no standard practice for anything cultural. I think it's kind of sweet that it's something that everyone in your family cares about. You, your parents, and your boyfriend all believe that's a good tradition.

I respect that, it's just such a contrast to my family. Neither my dad nor grandfathers felt it necessary to ask the Dad beforehand. I'd have to go back 100 years to find someone that asked for permission.

[Animal_Girl]

I'm not close with my father, so if my boyfriend asked for my dad's permission to marry me I'd break up with him right there. But I do think it's kinda sweet and traditional, as long as it's out of respect for tradition, and not because he really thinks he needs a girl's father's permission. It would mean more to me personally if my boyfriend asked for my mother's blessing should he want to propose to me, and he's aware of that.

[ryanrhino]

I had asked my ex-wife's father before proposing, and I trusted him to remain quiet on the topic (and he was). He had some wide eyes when I talked with him about it and he was pleased that I had come to talk to him about it.

My daughter is almost 9, so I don't have to worry about her getting married for a while, but it would be an honor to have her potential husband ask to talk with me about marrying my daughter. I wouldn't need to be asked for permission, as it's my daughter's choice.

It's a great sign of respect and maturity to be honest with your intentions, especially those closest to your partner.

There are still arranged marriages, as well, if you're into another new discovery.

[citrush2o]

It's a sign of respect and maturity towards the father. Whether the daughter and father get along or not, she's still his daughter and deserves to be asked. I would never dream of marrying someone without first asking for her hand. Also, you have to consider than when you marry someone, you bond yourself to their family as well, not just each other. Tradition or not, if you want things to go smoother, it will never hurt to ask. It takes some courage, but it's well worth the effort :)

[VincentVega]

I'd also ask for his blessing. It's about more than just the blessing you two get. It is also part of the letting go process for the father. You as his future son in law should aid him in this process. Give him the gift of being the first to know. He'll appreciate the manly gesture.

[citrush2o]

Bravo sir, I couldn't agree with you more. That's a sign of maturity and respect that rare these days!

[Slugworth99]

As a father, I am going to insist that my own son does this when his day comes. It is an old tradition, but it shows true character of the asking man. It takes a lot for a father to give up his little girl to a guy. By asking him, I think the suitor earns far more respect and will have a better relationship with his in-laws in the long term. Nothing wrong with time tested and honored traditions.

[ITLSTL]

Well its really tough, because if her dad doesn't really like you and he says no, your only options are to never get married or dump her, and if your one of those old fashioned people who doesn't believe in sex before marriage, chances are you'll dump her then, so I'd say it really depends on a few variables...

[gummybear888]

I feel it's important because it will make me feel a little easier or calm about the union. If he has a good relationship with my father, then that shows how much he cares and respects my dad. It's really damn important that the guy I marry will respect my family. peace.

[selfishstars]

My partner didn't ask. I would have been furious with him if he asked---it would show that he doesn't know me at all. I don't get along with my father, and even if I did, I'm my own person, not the property of my father, and I make my own decisions regarding my life. I don't see any reason to engage in traditions that either no longer have meaning in our society, or do not have personal meaning to me.

[Malcom_Reynolds]

No, I think that the decision to get married is between us, and us alone. If we were to get married without even telling her parents then that'd be disrespectful, but I'll say the same thing about doing that to my parents. And if way in the future I have daughters, I will not expect their partners to ask me for permission.

[Anonymous]

idk honestly because my dad is deceased...but if he was still alive and my boyfriend was going to propose, I would love for him to ask my dad. my dad would have loved it and probably would have went "really? you wanna marry her? yay I don't have to deal with her anymore!" lol

[art84]

Seems old fashion but I really wouldn't need the dad's permission to get married to her daughter. If your over the of 18 years old then you should get married without getting permission. It just seems like the boyfriend might be afraid to do the right thing and wants the approval first. If a girl ever wanted me to ask her dad, I would say forget your dad lets just get married. We're both adults and can make our own choices in life.

[Maddygirl]

Announce the intention. Don't ask. Its degrading because it makes us seem like our dad's property. Don't say, "May I maeey your daughter?" Say "I plan on marrying your daughter"

[josei]

... I'm not asking for advise on whether or not to do it, lol. I'd have to be a guy first, for one thing. :)

I'm just wanting to know everybody's opinion on the matter, because I'm discovering that we don't necessarily all think it's degrading.

As far as my opinion goes, it's never going to be a boyfriend's place to announce anything to my parents. I'd be the one saying, oh by the way I'm getting married. You can come to the wedding if you want. Look for an invitation in the mail. :-P

[Maddygirl]

Haha I didn't notice a girl was asking this question NEVER MIND ahahahaha best wishes to you two!

[WeaponZero]

Honestly, I think that having to go through the dad to get the girl would make me feel like I was dealing with an immature child rather than an adult capable of making her own decisions.

[MaisyTheCasualty]

I once had a guy ask my "big brother" (a friend who I'm closer to than my dad) for permission just to date me. I think it's very gentlemanly.

[nobody21]

YES! I would DEF ask his permission, purely out of a sign of respect and tradition.

[Anonymous]

If the guy I date ever did that, I would not marry him. It's my life and I don't need parental permission to marry someone. Just sayin

[josei]

Yeah, I don't think I'd marry a guy that would ask either.

Then again, anyone that actually knows me knows that I hold little respect for my Dad, so I doubt it would ever be an issue... Hopefully.

[Verimas]

I'd say screw it women ARE NOT chattel so why stick with a tradition that seems to come from that.

[Anonymous]

it would be the polite way to do it, but if you elope then you won't have to worry about then.

[Raider_Z]

I'd ask for a blessing, not for permission.

[ppfxxx]

I wouldn't ask it's pretty outdated these days

[josei]

That's what I thought until I found out that, out of the 8 married couples that I know of in their early twenties, only two of the guys didn't ask. I was a little shocked. So while I agree and think it's outdated, I'm wondering how many other people agree/disagree. :)

[oxgoxk]

definately that's so classy!

[Anonymous]

yees! I think that's such a sweet idea

[Anonymous]

I think it's sweet and shows respect.