Should Men Ask Their Girlfriend's Parents For Permission Before Proposing?

[Physics-Man]

Yes

No

Other

[Chazmatazz269]

Not “permission”, but blessing.
Arranged marriages get a lot of flack in the west despite their being wildly more successful than the alternative. A major part of that is the parents. Parents often have better ideas about what their child may need long term to be happy and successful. Didja know that our brains aren’t fully developed until our mid to late 20s? The part that matures last, the prefrontal cortex, manages our risk vs reward associations. So the importance of parents’ approval is doubly important for young couples.
Mind you, it’s just as important for a woman to get her beau’s parents’ blessing. For all of the same reasons. In fact, i’d argue it’s more important because western societies have a long way to go before we value males and females equally in relationships. The current prevailing attitudes almost universally suggest that women are the prize. That every man is lucky just to have a woman, and how good or bad for him she might be is a distant afterthought if it’s considered at all. So women having the self awareness to understand that a good man’s parents might actually think she’s not good enough for their son and actively confronting that possibility will move us a long way in the right direction, in my opinion.
It’s fair to assume i’m an island unto myself in that way though.
Anyway, BLESSING, not permission.

[Purpleronnie]

For me the “True” beauty in seeking the blessing of the in-Laws or at least the would be father-in-Law / father of the bride is in the personal decision to do so either by your own volition or knowing that your girl would want this without her saying so.
Being told to do it or having it as a rule moves the importance away from your intended I mean let’s face it it’s not needed or always preferred.
Forgive the mansplaining , but it dates back to Roman times where the would be suitor would give the father a symbol coin and by him accepting that coin he would be giving his permission.
Could be seen as romantic or could be a faux pas depending on how well you think you know your intended

[shoeboxcerealcard]

Listen... Men and women you can have your own relationship vision.

• Relationship Vision - Idea of what you want for a relationship.

You do not have to ask permission/blessing from anyone if you don't want to.
Find someone who wants what you want. It's that simple.
It's your life. Don't adapt outdated, meaningless culture unless you want to.
Think for yourself.

This is why you should be creating a relationship vision before you ever commit to a serious relationship or even try to find a partner for that matter.

[moneymagnet24]

Love it this idea

[EmmaMary]

@Physics-Man

Well my husband did it the old traditional way in asking my father for his blessings in having his daughter's hand in marriage... And until he proposed to me on Christmas day morning 2017 I knew absolutely nothing whatsoever in this having taken place.

[Kelly6]

@EmmaMary
That’s beautiful

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you are a mature adult, you should ask for her parents' blessings on your marriage.

[handsomelad70]

Why? A black guy could have a white or Latina girlfriend with racist parents who'd certainly try to torpedo the relationship.

[OlderAndWiser]

@handsomelad70 I said you should ask for their blessing, not their permission.

[handsomelad70]

OK, I get it.

[AviatorTom]

Best is a compromise. Ask her first, make sure she says yes, and then ask for her parents' blessing.

[Puppystarfish23]

Lol errm well... when my partner planned on proposing I got very suspicious the day before. He'd planned a trip out to my favourite place and told me to dress nice for the occasion. He also turned up late when picking me up from work and told me he'd been into the city with his mum clothes shopping even when only a couple days before I suggested him getting new clothes and he told me he didn't need any so when we got home I asked to see his new clothes and he said he didn't have them and that they were at his mums then he changed the story to his mum being the one who bought clothes for herself.

I told him I wasn't stupid and that I was on to him. He denied he was planning on proposing to me and after I got a little sad.

Just for context he sets my alarm for me on his tablet so when I woke up the next day I saw fb messages from mine and his family saying good luck.

I clicked then but he was definitely lying to me and was planning to propose. I text him saying he should have took fb messages off his tablet.

The whole car ride to the day out we had planned we pretended as if I didn't know but on the way my dad called in the car to give his permission 🤣 whilst I was in the car and you know what he said "yeah that fine mate, your a top bloke" 🤣.

My dad asked after my partner even asked his permission and said he knows my partner is good and he didn't need to ask

[BCRanger10]

Yes, they should. A man asks his beloved's father, the first man who loved her and set the standard for the kind of man she should pursue.

But not only that. This man is asking for his woman's father's permission to join his own family. This is a key thing that all these goofy feminists keep missing.

[Singing_Hollow]

Yes, Its a form of respect towards her father. Traditionally, a father is the one protecting his daughter and is responsible for her until she is married. When you approach her father, you are asking if you can take that responsibility and making a promise to look after her. When you have a daughter one day you'll understand the significance in asking for her hand.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

They definitely can yes. Do they have to? No. But I know in my case, I'd probably have to ask my parents to get married anyway. Better to know I have a partner they'll like and they agree with me getting married to first. Rather than the other way, which is not asking. My family is already worried about me as it is, don't need to cause more by suddenly say "Hey! We're getting married!" out of the blue.

[slatyb]

No! That comes from the time when women were chattel -- first the property of their fathers, then the property of their husband. The father literally gave the woman to her husband.

Happily those days are over and women are no longer the property of their father or of their husband, and are free to accept or reject a proposal without agreement from their parents.

[adam6402]

Grow a pair and talk to the old man. It's simple respect. Her parents have loved her and cared for her all of her life, they're the ones who have shaped her into the girl that she is. The least you can do is ask for their permission before taking her away from them.

[Deltanteiger]

Well yeah, for sure!

We Turks have a blessing ceremony..

Allah'in emri ve Peygamberin kabri ile, kiziniz (for example) Layla'yi oglumuza istiyoruz.

Translation: With God's will and the blessings of the Messenger, we would like to have your daughter Layla as our bride.

Pretty nice huh? And i wonder, doesn't other religions and/or countries have such a thing?

[BIZARRE_TRUTH]

"SHOULD"? no

that doesn't even make any sense

is it "GOOD"? yeah probably

maybe not

definitely not in all cases

Should though? thats a bit much

Thats like me telling you all you SHOULD be able to play Beethoven

i mean. Should you really? it would be good. but "Should" is a bit much

[TheRealPepperPotts]

It depends. If the girl is still living at home or still receiving support from her parents, if she is very young, if they lean conservative and are very much involved with her life, I'd say sure, ask for their permission. If she is independent and has been that way for a while, or older, or has her own job, career, vehicle, home, etc., it's kind of moot. I'm 32, and it would be silly for a guy to ask my dad for my hand in marriage when I own a home and car and have been living on my own for over ten years. I mean, it's cute and old-fashioned, but it could be viewed as a male ownership thing (future husband makes agreement with future father-in-law for sale of daughter). It's sweet when a girl is 20, but not so much when she's 30...

[thatshydork]

If a guy wants to propose to me, he will be going to my father first. I understand the sexist history behind it, but given that in todays society that he doesn’t have to go to the father first, I would appreciate the gesture.

[molonski2]

I think its a polite gesture , not actual permission , but to explain your intent and ask for their approval or blessing , just to be polite , and to involve them in the entire process , its a good thing to do , and creates a bond.

[NathanDavis]

here, it is a tradition, but you're not "asking permission"

it is a courtesy... and a vary valued one for some, for others doesn't matter that much

[hahahmm]

If he's traditional he will. As a sign of respect to her family & especially her dad. My wife's dad had already passed away so I asked her mom.

[Anonymous]

Yes. It's a sign of respect. And believe it or not can save a guy a lifetime of trouble. I have a nephew who didn't meet his girlfriend's parents and ask for thier blessing. And if he had he'd have learned what flakes they are. He would have understood what stock she came from. And he would have understood what a mistake she was.

[IslaTheWitch]

no... why should they? They are going to marry the girl, not her parents ffs...

[Horse-girl]

It's something I'd like but if he doesn't I guess it's not the end of the world, I think my parents would tell me if they thought he wasn't good for me and I trust their judgement.

[LittleMelissa9614]

Yes, but I wouldn't call it asking for "permission" I call it asking for their "blessing" for their daughter to marry him and let the parents be involve in the proposal if you can.

[LittleMelissa9614]

At least to me, that feels like the right thing to do.

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

Not necessarily permission, but rather inform the parent/s out of respect. Permission depends on their culture.