Should Men Ask Their Girlfriend's Parents For Permission Before Proposing?

Question

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

Not “permission”, but blessing.
Arranged marriages get a lot of flack in the west despite their being wildly more successful than the alternative. A major part of that is the parents. Parents often have better ideas about what their child may need long term to be happy and successful. Didja know that our brains aren’t fully developed until our mid to late 20s? The part that matures last, the prefrontal cortex, manages our risk vs reward associations. So the importance of parents’ approval is doubly important for young couples.
Mind you, it’s just as important for a woman to get her beau’s parents’ blessing. For all of the same reasons. In fact, i’d argue it’s more important because western societies have a long way to go before we value males and females equally in relationships. The current prevailing attitudes almost universally suggest that women are the prize. That every man is lucky just to have a woman, and how good or bad for him she might be is a distant afterthought if it’s considered at all. So women having the self awareness to understand that a good man’s parents might actually think she’s not good enough for their son and actively confronting that possibility will move us a long way in the right direction, in my opinion.
It’s fair to assume i’m an island unto myself in that way though.
Anyway, BLESSING, not permission.

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

For me the “True” beauty in seeking the blessing of the in-Laws or at least the would be father-in-Law / father of the bride is in the personal decision to do so either by your own volition or knowing that your girl would want this without her saying so.
Being told to do it or having it as a rule moves the importance away from your intended I mean let’s face it it’s not needed or always preferred.
Forgive the mansplaining , but it dates back to Roman times where the would be suitor would give the father a symbol coin and by him accepting that coin he would be giving his permission.
Could be seen as romantic or could be a faux pas depending on how well you think you know your intended

shoeboxcerealcard · Accepted Answer

Listen... Men and women you can have your own relationship vision.

Relationship Vision - Idea of what you want for a relationship.

You do not have to ask permission/blessing from anyone if you don't want to.
Find someone who wants what you want. It's that simple.
It's your life. Don't adapt outdated, meaningless culture unless you want to.
Think for yourself.

This is why you should be creating a relationship vision before you ever commit to a serious relationship or even try to find a partner for that matter.

EmmaMary · Accepted Answer

@physics-man  Well my husband did it the old traditional way in asking my father for his blessings in having his daughter's hand in marriage... And until he proposed to me on Christmas day morning 2017 I knew absolutely nothing whatsoever in this having taken place.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If you are a mature adult, you should ask for her parents' blessings on your marriage.

HawkPerception · Answer

I think it's a good practice to ask for their blessing, but if they hate you and don't want their daughter to have anything to do with you, then it's not necessary.

AviatorTom · Answer

Best is a compromise. Ask her first, make sure she says yes, and then ask for her parents' blessing.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

Lol errm well... when my partner planned on proposing I got very suspicious the day before. He'd planned a trip out to my favourite place and told me to dress nice for the occasion. He also turned up late when picking me up from work and told me he'd been into the city with his mum clothes shopping even when only a couple days before I suggested him getting new clothes and he told me he didn't need any so when we got home I asked to see his new clothes and he said he didn't have them and that they were at his mums then he changed the story to his mum being the one who bought clothes for herself.

I told him I wasn't stupid and that I was on to him. He denied he was planning on proposing to me and after I got a little sad.

Just for context he sets my alarm for me on his tablet so when I woke up the next day I saw fb messages from mine and his family saying good luck.

I clicked then but he was definitely lying to me and was planning to propose. I text him saying he should have took fb messages off his tablet.

The whole car ride to the day out we had planned we pretended as if I didn't know but on the way my dad called in the car to give his permission 🤣 whilst I was in the car and you know what he said "yeah that fine mate, your a top bloke" 🤣.

My dad asked after my partner even asked his permission and said he knows my partner is good and he didn't need to ask

BCRanger10 · Answer

Yes, they should. A man asks his beloved's father, the first man who loved her and set the standard for the kind of man she should pursue.

But not only that. This man is asking for his woman's father's permission to join his own family. This is a key thing that all these goofy feminists keep missing.

Singing_Hollow · Answer

Yes, Its a form of respect towards her father. Traditionally, a father is the one protecting his daughter and is responsible for her until she is married. When you approach her father, you are asking if you can take that responsibility and making a promise to look after her. When you have a daughter one day you'll understand the significance in asking for her hand.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

They definitely can yes. Do they have to? No. But I know in my case, I'd probably have to ask my parents to get married anyway. Better to know I have a partner they'll like and they agree with me getting married to first. Rather than the other way, which is not asking. My family is already worried about me as it is, don't need to cause more by suddenly say "Hey! We're getting married!" out of the blue.

adam6402 · Answer

Grow a pair and talk to the old man. It's simple respect. Her parents have loved her and cared for her all of her life, they're the ones who have shaped her into the girl that she is. The least you can do is ask for their permission before taking her away from them.

slatyb · Answer

No! That comes from the time when women were chattel -- first the property of their fathers, then the property of their husband. The father literally gave the woman to her husband.

Happily those days are over and women are no longer the property of their father or of their husband, and are free to accept or reject a proposal without agreement from their parents.

Deltanteiger · Answer

Well yeah, for sure!

We Turks have a blessing ceremony..

Allah'in emri ve Peygamberin kabri ile, kiziniz (for example) Layla'yi oglumuza istiyoruz.

Translation: With God's will and the blessings of the Messenger, we would like to have your daughter Layla as our bride.

Pretty nice huh? And i wonder, doesn't other religions and/or countries have such a thing?

Anonymous · Answer

It depends. If the girl is still living at home or still receiving support from her parents, if she is very young, if they lean conservative and are very much involved with her life, I'd say sure, ask for their permission. If she is independent and has been that way for a while, or older, or has her own job, career, vehicle, home, etc., it's kind of moot. I'm 32, and it would be silly for a guy to ask my dad for my hand in marriage when I own a home and car and have been living on my own for over ten years. I mean, it's cute and old-fashioned, but it could be viewed as a male ownership thing (future husband makes agreement with future father-in-law for sale of daughter). It's sweet when a girl is 20, but not so much when she's 30...

BIZARRE_TRUTH · Answer

"SHOULD"? no

that doesn't even make any sense

is it "GOOD"? yeah probably

maybe not

definitely not in all cases

Should though? thats a bit much

Thats like me telling you all you SHOULD be able to play Beethoven

i mean. Should you really? it would be good. but "Should" is a bit much

thatshydork · Answer

If a guy wants to propose to me, he will be going to my father first. I understand the sexist history behind it, but given that in todays society that he doesn’t have to go to the father first, I would appreciate the gesture.

molonski2 · Answer

I think its a polite gesture , not actual permission , but to explain your intent and ask for their approval or blessing , just to be polite , and to involve them in the entire process , its a good thing to do , and creates a bond.

NathanDavis · Answer

here, it is a tradition, but you're not "asking permission"  it is a courtesy... and a vary valued one for some, for others doesn't matter that much

hahahmm · Answer

If he's traditional he will. As a sign of respect to her family & especially her dad. My wife's dad had already passed away so I asked her mom.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. It's a sign of respect. And believe it or not can save a guy a lifetime of trouble. I have a nephew who didn't meet his girlfriend's parents and ask for thier blessing. And if he had he'd have learned what flakes they are. He would have understood what stock she came from. And he would have understood what a mistake she was.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

no... why should they? They are going to marry the girl, not her parents ffs...

Horse-girl · Answer

It's something I'd like but if he doesn't I guess it's not the end of the world, I think my parents would tell me if they thought he wasn't good for me and I trust their judgement.

LittleMelissa9614 · Answer

Yes, but I wouldn't call it asking for "permission" I call it asking for their "blessing" for their daughter to marry him and let the parents be involve in the proposal if you can.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Not necessarily permission, but rather inform the parent/s out of respect. Permission depends on their culture.

Rangers · Answer

That would be the proper thing to do, yes.  However, that's not possible for me, since both of my girlfriend's parents aren't around, anymore. Only her grandma remains, so I'll ask her

bobalife · Answer

It’s not necessary, but I think it’s very heart warming and considerate for sure. I’d like it tbh.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

if they want to/its a thing for the partner's history/religion etc.

MsProsperity · Answer

Yes it’s their daughter, maybe they might tip you on how to propose

The_Sexpert · Answer

Permission probably isn't the right word  It's great to let them know , but you don't need their "permission" since you're both adults

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Yes, but only if they jump into Doctor Who's Tardis, and arrive in 16th Century England!

Nikki1989 · Answer

If there are parents to ask, sure.

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

I know that it's a old tradition that is the best reason to be respectful and I don't want to ever be a person to disrespect our elders, sorry I will not let you know that I am not the man I want you to have!

CrabCakes11 · Answer

If my partner ever asked my parents for my parents permission I’d break it off

dustybiker2 · Answer

I think it's classy. Shows a man is both respectful and brave. There are going to be situations that give a free pass to this. Not all parents are gold star.

butterly248 · Answer

It's an old tradition. I don't know my dad so my boyfriend won't have to do it. I guess it's a nice idea but depends on the person

msc545 · Answer

Thy should instead ask themselves how they are going to feel when she cheats on them and divorces them and takes there money and property and children.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. You're marrying her, not them. She is your future, not her parents. And if her parents are assholes or they didn't treat her right, do you even want their blessing?

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No, because its not her parents' choice to say yes, its hers.

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

Really you’re just giving them a heads up What if they say no? You’re going to do it anyway right.

12karen · Answer

not obligated but I'm conservative and I would like my parents to give him their blessing before proposing to me

DrPepper12 · Answer

You wouldn't ask permission that's her job but you could ask for his blessing; guess

DarkLegacy · Answer

No we should not because we do not need his permission. Yet more gender equality hypocrisy

dudeinohio · Answer

I did as a measure of respect, even though we were in our 30s.

JayBones2469 · Answer

Lol. I'm a viking. You leave your daughter vulnerable ill take your whole family. Make your son change his name to mine too.

Mrtcn01 · Answer

If girls have good relationship with her family yes it would be nice for her.. i think..

OtterMan68 · Answer

if it's her first marriage, yes, it's polite.

DaBiggestBird · Answer

That’s like asking someone if you can sit at the same public bench as them, and the blessing crap is fake news too, some dude acting like a holy person is more of a false prophet than anything.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

Yes. It's out of respect, a formal way of asking admission to make a union between families

gorydetails · Answer

Of course. Specifically his girlfriend’s father.

nawtee_me · Answer

It is just being polite and the right thing to do.

Plugs · Answer

Questions only distinguished gentlemen ask

katiesmuff · Answer

Yes I think they should

exitseven · Answer

I did no know it was a thing so I did not do it.

laly520 · Answer

they could if they want

Drumlin2001 · Answer

My OH parents are dead so didn't have to.

handsomelad70 · Answer

I don't think so. (Is this 2024 or 1924?)

c4rtm4nroolz · Answer

Traditionally yes

Anonymous · Answer

No  This ain't the 1830's any more

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Fuck that shit. You’re marrying her, not them.

worldscolide · Answer

I did with my wife.

Booklover_90 · Answer

Of course.

Enginn · Answer

Nah. Fuck that

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Nope.

Should Men Ask Their Girlfriend's Parents For Permission Before Proposing?

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What Girls & Guys Said

Should the boyfriend ask the girlfriend's dad for permission to get married, even if only as a formality?

Should Men Ask Their Girlfriend's Parents For Permission Before Proposing?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should the boyfriend ask the girlfriend's dad for permission to get married, even if only as a formality?

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