Is he a bad texter or simply not interested?

[AshleyBenedith]

I always found this guy Samuel really attractive. We have mutual friends so before the lockdown I would often see him at parties and he would look at me a lot. So one tipsy night I decided to break the wall and followed him on Instagram to which he immediately responded and followed back. A couple of days ago we exchanged numbers via Instagram and started texting on a daily (he asked for my number.) However Samuel is weird and cold over text which kinda demotivates me and confuses me. I hate feeling clingy and I am not the type of girl who texts someone 24/7 or talks a lot. His replies are always short, he does not know how to open conversations at all, and sometimes he does not listen to my voice notes (which I swear are short lol) and answers only what I wrote by text skipping the vns completely. Our conversations are very shallow, and when I try to open an interesting topic so that we can get to know each other better he closes it indirectly. During the evenings Samuel ALWAYS leaves me on read and falls asleep which I feel is kinda rude. It happens everyday not just once or twice, lol we are literally talking and he vanishes. Aren’t flat and disengaged responses, red flags?
I read somewhere: “A disinterested man will show his lack of enthusiasm. For example, he might answer questions about how he’s doing or how his day was with: “fine.” This doesn’t mean he’s shy. It means he’s not interested in engaging in conversation.” Which describes Samuel completely. But what drives me crazy is that HE is the one who always texts me first! Dude if I bore him so much, why does he even text me in the first place? I can not talk to him about his texting habits because we have only know each other for a couple of days, so maybe I should be dry over text as well? Mirror his behavior? I don’t want to be needy or texting 24/7 but when we do talk I hate feeling clingy or like I am a boring person. It makes me question our chemistry if we do meet up in person.

Updates

+1 y

Yo turns out he was gay and was using me as a cover up

[NamerOfStars]

Those do seems like signs of disinterest- do you have another means of communicating with him? I'm pretty old-fashioned in this regard, but I've noticed that people often get annoyed when they're interrupted, and many never seem to think to turn their phone off. I'd suggest emailing him or maybe contacting him through Instagram (if it lets you do that; I'm not familiar with how it works, but those are often done through one's phone, too, aren't they?

Hmm... If you can't meet up in person, maybe you could meet up digitally. If your schedules allow, perhaps you arrange to get together for a Skype or Zoom or what-have-you chat. You might get better results if you're doing something specific rather than meeting to talk, though; even something as simple as playing a game online together can not only be fun and give you something indirect to talk about, but if you plan it ahead together, it pushes your brain into thinking of it as an obligation, rather than an idle pastime; it makes people (you and him alike) more likely to see it as important and not feel the pull of everything else you have to do. That probably sounds a little manipulative, but it's as much about your reaction as his. If you're doing more while you talk than just talking, you don't think about how you're talking, and you'll probably be able to get a better handle on how he feels about you.

Another option, if you know his address, would be to write him a letter. It's probably been a long time since he's gotten one of those, and the novelty might be nice.

[AshleyBenedith]

We’ve been talking for five days I ain’t writing him a letter or sending him an email 👀 ...

[NamerOfStars]

Your call. It was just an idea.

[Hogwheels]

If he's texting you first and you're getting those kinds of responses, he's almost certainly a bad texter. If you want him to be more open but you don't want to make the first romantic move, you can always boost his confidence in a non-romantic way. Tell him that you enjoy talking to him in person, and say you wish he were like that in his texts. Its a very direct hint and if he likes you enough, he'll take the hint.

[Anonymous]

I don't know a guy I like is like that, unless it's something that needs to be discussed further. Maybe it's just how he is... try talking to him about something important to both of you.

Also maybe skip the voice notes unless necessary, he may be in a place where he doesn't feel comfortable listening to them or can't (I have this problem a lot)

Plus if he falls asleep talking to you I'd take it as a compliment... he wants to talk to you until he literally can't anymore. He's not trying to be rude I'm pretty sure.

And my bestie does the stop talking randomly thing but it's just because they don't have anything more to say atm or something came up but it never means anything bad. They are also kinda socially awkward so maybe that factors in too for this guy.

Long story short, I think maybe you're reading too much into these things... he just sounds a bit on the shy side, that's all.

[chriscdi]

well using common sense and in my personal perspective i can't really leave a girl im interested in on read unless im mad, so seeing that he can just do it like that shocks me, give him the benefit of the doubt and say he is a bad texter but i recommend if you see no change at all, then call it quits i guess

[barn_stormer]

really bad texter. like awful

[AshleyBenedith]

What do i do? Do i still talk to him like I always do? Im starting to feel clingy and like im the only one trying to keep conversations flowing

[Lostguuy]

Tell him how you feel

[barn_stormer]

If you like him, keep talking to him even if it's one-sided

[Lostguuy]

I’m sure it’s just him

[AshleyBenedith]

How do you deal with bad texters?🤣

[Lostguuy]

Find someone better lol