How do you feel when your ex ignores your attempts at contact, guys?

[Lindsers318]

My ex and I went back and forth for 6 weeks trying to work things out. Ultimately I felt I was the one initiating all the contact and really I felt I was the one trying harder to make it work. So the last 2 times he attempted to contact me (one call, one text) I ignored him. He hasn't tried since, for almost two weeks.

Just curious as to what guys are thinking when this happens...are you pissed that she's ignoring you? Hurt? Sad? Indifferent? Confused? Wondering how he may be feeling...I'm assuming it's something along the lines of, "I don't get it...one day she wants to be with me, and now she's ignoring me". But he hasn't tried again...

[PeterCobra]

for me, I will try but I'm not gonna be a stalker. 3-4 times of me trying to contact her with no response and I'm done. I'm not gonna beg someone to talk to me. if she is not responding then obviously she doesn't want to talk and I don't feel you can/should harass someone to talk. so after that I would be gone. I don't play games and I take peoples actions and words in to consideration and look at it simply for what it is. if they are playing games then that just complicates things cause I am reading them only on what they say or do. you don't respond to my calls/messages, I assume you don't want to talk to me and I quit talking to you. if you respond, then I talk to you. if you don't know what you want, I usually end up not talking to you. how I feel emotionally depends on the girl and how much I like her and the situation. they are all different. I would probably be confused but I'm not gonna play games. if that's the case she would just end up loosing me and I would have my eyes on somebody else by the time she got around to contacting me again.

[knowmeyourself]

I like that.

[Lindsers318]

I like your response as well, very rational. I too hate games...thats why I was so confused about whether or not ignoring him was the best way to go. SO I actually texted him last night and broke the silence...he responded right away. Turns out we've been both UNSUCCESSFULLY trying to forget about each other and we both feel confused. I could tell he was kinda being pissy about me ignoring him...I get it, I would be too. But I said what I needed to say and what he does with that is his decision.

[PeterCobra]

yea you should just keep it simple and be open about it. its always easier and less stressful. if your just real about the way you feel, you don't have to "remember" that your supposed to be mad at them, or happy to talk to them...when your not. and if you don't want to forget about him, then don't. we always want to pretend we are a higher comodity or a better catch than them so that they will come running. but the bottom line is: we are all human and we all have feelings. I keep it real.

[Lindsers318]

I couldn't agree more. I think I have finally reached the point where I'm done trying so hard...I couldn't be happier with my actions. I finally got to say how I felt without the excess drama and emotions. I think from his reaction he seemed to be taking it all in. If in time he decides he wants to be with me, then great. If not, I'll always be able to look back and have no regrets. I did what I did and said what I said, and I believe it was handled in a simple, open fashion, just like you said.

[PeterCobra]

right on. and that's how you sleep good at night. :) we can never get caught up in the whirlpool of the panic past and "what if" because while we are doing that, what is in store for us is having to sit idle and waiting for us to get done...or just pass us by.

[Habakkuk]

Well, it depends on the guy and the kind of relationship he had with the girl and what kind of terms they're on, but when that happens, I feel confused and eventually I give up, because when I'm not communicating, my mind has the freedom to wander and form suspicions about her that would be cleared up with open communication. Those suspicions build up and eventually I lose interest. Don't let that happen to you

[Lindsers318]

What do you mean, don't let it happen to me?

[Habakkuk]

Don't ignore him, as he may lose interest, try to talk to him.

[Lindsers318]

Ah, I see. Well, he hasn't tried for almost two weeks...seems to me he probably already did lose interest? I honestly feel a guy should fight for his girl if he really loves her, unless they only do that in movies.

[Habakkuk]

Well, love is a 2 way street. A guy is only going to fight for so long against a brick wall, that is, the silent treatment, until he feels rejected. You should use guys like tools and make them fight for you while you ignore their attempts at bonding. Guys have feelings too. They won't fight for a girl that doesn't want them. That IS just in movies. They'll move on and find a girl that appreciates them.

[Lindsers318]

Trust me, I know it's a two-way street...I was the only one trying for 6 weeks. I feel it's his turn, and he definitely knows I wanted him and wanted to fix things with him, so he has no reason to "not want to fight for a girl who doesn't want him". I attempted to patch things up and bond with him over and over and over...he tried twice. Seems a little unfair.

[dragonxlli]

When I broke up with my ex, we went back and forth trying to work it out, but I didn't really want to. So I started ignoring him. Because I didn't want to talk to him, see him or have anything to do with him.

Since you ignored his call, could send the message to him that you don't want to talk anymore.

However, this does depend on the dumper/dumpee. Of you dumped him, he'd probably still call and my answer would be totally different and you probably wouldn't be having this issue. If he dumped you, then re-read my first paragraph, lol.

And if my assumptions are totally off, my bad. But maybe moving on with your life instead of being stuck in the past with him, is for the better : )

[AmberChick]

Yeah, he is not as serious about the relationship as you are. You are putting in all the work, and he is just responding because you are initiating, not because he necessarily wants to.

[MrsJones7]

I mean he wanted some , tried to test the waters, you didn't seem interested, he moved on.

[Anonymous]

Indifferent.

If a girl doesn't respond to contact initiatives, it's not like when a guy does it. She is doing it deliberately. Which means she doesn't want to hear from you.

So for me, that means she's done and dusted, and I just stop trying.

If a guy doesn't respond, there's a million possible reasons, so I just give it some time and try again when some time has passed.

[Sports002]

How is that different from when a guy does? Why does a guy ignore you?

[Opinion Owner]

There's a ton of reasons a guy could not respond to contact initiatives. Tons. Too many to list here.

But girls? No, they live and die by their communication and ties to other people. They strengthen their ties by yapping incessantly. They'll hardly ever give up the opportunity for a chat, unless they just don't want to talk to you.

For a guy, there's just so many possible reasons, you'd be playing against the odds to assume it was because he didn't want to talk to you.

[Lindsers318]

Hmm...interesting. I know I'm not the type of girl who lives her life revolving around her phone, but I do think it's interesting that you say a guy could have a million reasons why he wouldn't answer. Never knew that...gives me new insight.

[Anonymous]

this is my situation right now, I'm 20. was with her for 1 year. she has ignored me when I left her know I was free after she was asking to meet up with me after apologising for being a d*** and rejecting my first offer for a coffee sometime. I feel kind crushed, hurt a lot inside, after all I helped her through. there is no point me dwelling on it. right now I'm pissed, upset and pretty much thinking f*** moving along. but yeah it is an 'i don't get her' approach like your quote there. he has thought I have had enough but will have hard feeling for you and confused feelings, over time if you leave it too late he would have moved along completely. I suggest you move along too I didn't take this advice and thought I could make it work, it didn't. I feel crushed now after finding out she is talking to a new guy.

[Lindsers318]

So you and I are in the same boat...we were both the ones trying and getting rejected. I feel your pain. If she's already talking to another guy, it's probably because she feels insecure being alone, and you don't need any girls like that. When you're ready to move on, find one who's sure of herself and full of confidence!

[Anonymous]

Just had the same situation except I was the guy. At first I was hurt and sad. But after a couple days, I was just done with it. I'm not into playing games and realized that is was over. She finally called me back and I told her I was done with the high school drama bullsh*t. I'm too old for that sh*t. Good riddance to her.

[Lindsers318]

Hmm...I definitely see where you think it's high school bull. I catch myself wondering if I'm acting childish. I just don't want him to keep thinking he has me wrapped around his finger...like, "Oh, I won't call her, but when I do, she'll always answer."

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. I look at it like this. Some people just aren't meant to be together. What's the point if all they're gonna do is fight. In my situation it was our first and only fight, but unfortunately she really showed her true colors. Sometimes the best thing to do is just move on. As hard as it is, sometimes it's just the best option.

[Lindsers318]

I agree. And to be honest with you, I'm trying my hardest to do so...but I still love him, and I know he loves me...we had a great relationship and had no issues worthy of breaking up over. I think he's going through something personally, and all I really know to do is give him space and try to move forward with my life, and if he realizes he's an idiot and comes around, great. If not, guess that means there's someone better matched for me out there. But it all feels open-ended & unfinished.

[Opinion Owner]

I feel ya. It sure does feel open ended and unfinished. I still miss my Ex, but what can I do? I tried my hardest to patch it up. But we just seem to end up fighting every time we talk. And the stupid thing is it's over nothing major. And what pisses me off is that she dumped me, yet she boo hoos on Facebook and to our friends like I f***in did something. Ugh...yall women are crazy lol.

[Lindsers318]

Well, at least you tried your hardest. I don't think he did. I have to agree, some of these chicks ARE freaking crazy. LOL. But don't worry, I'm sure you'll find a sane one eventually. They're out there.

[Quadrophonic84]

So, he did the thing that you were hoping he would do...and now you don't want to talk to him? Did you want him to contact you just so you could ignore him? WTF?

[Belgie]

Women are a mass of conflicting impulses. They don't always act rationally.

[Quadrophonic84]

I had no idea.

[Lindsers318]

Absolutely not. I don't play games like that. The reason I never answered his 2 attempts is because I just didn't know what to do anymore. So I spent the last 2 weeks thinking, and I realized life isn't a movie and the ball is in my court...so I contacted him last night and FINALLY said EVERYTHING I needed to say. Like I told PeterCobra, what he does with it is up to him. But I feel good about what I said/did. At least I know going forward that I tried everything I could.

[Jiffy]

well , if you going to hurt my feelings then I will surely hurt yours, how much I am going to hurt you is up to you. The only reason why he is ignoring you is because you hurt his feelings and he is not going to prolong it. Ignoring you is easier.

[prettymuscle]

ha if she ignore my first calls then I wouldn't feel anything, I would just delete her number and call it like that, I would be wasting time thinking why she is not responding, when I can be doing something eles

[Anonymous]

This is also going on with me too. I feel mostly hurt like it's my fault that I did something wrong. As one continues to think about it, I tend to be more mad out of confusion like she's just playing with my heart. Still, it doesn't feel too great.

[SublimeDavid]

It hurts, but its a reality check and a signal that you should move on with your life.

[Anonymous]

omg when it's over, it's f***ing over just leave it at that and stop making your life more complicated than it has to be. THERE'S A REASON IT ENDED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[Shaun]

Like it's over for good.

[Lindsers318]

That's a pretty solid feeling...if you care about the girl and it makes you feel like it's over for good, does that hurt or make you pissed off?

[Shaun]

I hurts like being socked in the stomach.