Would you consider this a betrayal?

[Anonymous]

Imagine you develop a crush on someone and tell your best friend. But then, he/she also develops a crush and starts talking to him/her, or even flirting. Would you consider this a betrayal?

[Guy13]

Yes it is a form of betrayal, however, it is also a big welcome to friendship or friend-group hierarchical structure. If it was just you two then it is competition between 2. If you are already perceived higher in the social standing then this is an attempt to lower your standing and place you below him. If you are already the weaker of the two in social/cultural structure then "I can take this if he can... after all he did not claim her command hands off... it is not his girlfriend."

Your greater friend group is watching. The winner receives Credentials, Admiration, and is elevated in his standing within the hierarchical structure. The Loss being Trust but the group wins being everyone else rises in the hierarchy too. Your "friend" probably is not concerned with Trust but a higher priority being Power, Prestige, and perhaps in your suffering before him.

This is also what is going on in The House of Representatives at this present time, therefore, this dynamic is repetitive and consistent throughout life.

[Gent207-2]

A dick move and worthy of reproach. BUT if you made NO moves or were unsuccessful in your attempts at flirting, then she is free game.

Ladies don't pretend you don't have a similar code against moving in on a potential boo if you didn't make your move.

[Username28]

What was his/her intent when said friend began talking to this crush?


Was said friend intending to be a wing person and then feelings happened? Did said friend approach this crush without purpose and develop feelings?


I would figure out what the intentions were, if any, when said friend decided to talk to crush. If s/he intended to hook you up I wouldn’t call it betrayal (as long as s/he didn’t act on them) cuz feelings happen. Can’t really control feelings. If they approached the crush without purpose I’d call it betrayal.

[Lynnfriend]

Yes definitely. If You let them know your interested they should allow you the opportunity first. unless they were interested as well and had already been flirting with the same person with the knowledge of your interest.

[RavVid]

Yes. There is that old rule finders keepers. You found first and your friend should respect that you get to keep her/him.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats why i have a hard time with friendships now. Its the ultimate betrayal

[sheenagwapa]

if the crush express interest to the man or woman then the bestfriend i think betrayed

[Pohjolan]

Nah its not like you have a "I saw her first!" reservation on her.

[HappyWoman34]

No. All’s fair in love and war.