Is this cheating or disloyalty?

Question

So my boyfriend got angry and upset because he noticed I was accepting random guys on instagram just requests, however I did not follow them back or message or anything just accepted. I didn’t think anything of it just thought of it as harmless until I was in his shoes and realised if he done that I’d be upset but he’s trying to say me doing that is not loyal behavior isit true?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It’s not cheating but it is disrespectful considering you are in a relationship, just like you said if your boyfriend was doing that to you , you would be upset as well, so if you love your boyfriend and want your relationship to last, you are best to delete those men from you account immediately and apologize to your boyfriend and tell him you will never do it again and admit you were wrong. Or dump him and find yourself a guy that doesn’t sweat over that shit period. It be one thing if you were married to him but just a boyfriend? He shouldn’t be that upset about it , concerned yes , but upset No These are things that should be discussed before getting into a relationship with someone because it’s things like this that ruin relationships all the time , Social media sadly damaged the trust and respect in relationships because we carry around these fucking phones every where we go and act like we will die if we don’t have it by our side , but that’s just the way it is these days. I honestly wish we didn’t have this technology, times were better without it. I feel social media and technology is the gateway to temptations , why so many relationships don’t make it these days. If you can’t trust your partner then you shouldn’t be with them period , because without trust and respect you really have nothing with each other , so is your boyfriend wrong? No but is he right? No as well. But again it is disrespectful considering your boyfriend isn’t doing that to you , so ask yourself what is more important to you? Staying with a guy that gets mad at you for adding guys’ on social media or dumping a guy because he doesn’t trust you? Up to you?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

It's not cheating, but it's cheating-adjacent. Imagine your husband went to a dance club without you. Even if he didn't dance with anyone, he's still in a target-rich environment with lots of sexy and often drunk, uninhibited women. Would you be comfortable with that?

When you are in a committed relationship, you are responsible for creating and maintaining boundaries, not just for your partner but also for yourself. That's called having integrity. And that typically includes not putting yourself in situations that could contribute to you being tempted to stray. Your online behavior would be included in that, especially any time you are interacting with real people. It's one thing to, say, have a crush on a movie star that you never interact with, and something very different to create online connections or even to post pictures for Internet validation.

If you wouldn't want him doing something similar, then it shouldn't be difficult to understand why he doesn't like when you do it.

Genie23 · Accepted Answer

I guess it's just me who doesn't find anything wrong with accepting random guys and girls follow request on social media. Because I believe not everyone will follow to just to flirt with you or ask you out/want to sext with you. I believe there's something about your content they might have found interesting and that's why they chose to follow you. Like you frequently post travel pictures, you shared paintings/art that you made or posted something knowledgeable or quick hacks or cute animal pictures too in your account and some people might have liked that and decided to follow. I've followed random people (rarely but I did) whom post I liked regardless of gender and attractiveness

So, I didn't care of my partner followed or accepted random people's request because I see it as harmless.

As to answer your question, I don't think you were cheating or disloyalty. There are certain kind of things that he's not okay with it and certain kind of things you're not okay with and you didn't know this is one of the things bothers him. So, just apologise and don't accept any more random people's request so he doesn't feel hurt or insecure.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's not disloyal. It's social media and that's what it exists for, so that people can be social.

Are your pictures thirst traps? If not, then he's just being insecure and/or jealous, and tries to moralize and justify his feelings, but you don't need to validate his every feeling or emotion. Tell him firmly but kindly that you care about him/love him, and he has nothing to worry about (if that's the case), and then suggest to him not to dwell on it. It's for his sake and yours. (Are you both really 30ish?)

Couples can set whatever boundaries they want and see fit, but it's not healthy or a good long-term strategy to hold somebody so tight that they feel suffocated or not free to be out in the world. You know the phrase, probably - 'if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be.'

AviatorTom · Answer

It's not cheating, but it does border on disloyalty, especially when you know he doesn't like it.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Did you ever tell him what you were doing? Why not?

Cormac995 · Answer

It's not cheating but it is disloyalty. If you're in a relationship you should only need the approval and attention of your friends, family and SO. If a guy follows you out of nowhere on Instagram it's because he thinks you're hot and wants to goon so if you're accepting those requests to him, it probably comes across to him as endorsing men to hit on you while you're in a relationship.

This is actually a really common thing. Girls having guys giving them attention online on Instagram has become kind of a trend and a lot of them end up in a chain of fast relationships that start out hot and heavy then they get bored because they're spoiled for attention, so nobody is ever good enough for them. I'm not saying you're one of them but from his perspective with this in mind why wouldn't he be pissed off? Block the guys stop accepting them and apologies and discuss this with him. That's the right move.

wysiwyg2525 · Answer

Ok, so it take a special guy not to care or is not jealous. Most guys are jealous and cannot keep their emotions in check. They love to be in control and take lead. Guys will alway look at other women, flirt, and chat with them. Again there is no harm in it. When guys cross the line and act upon their impulse is when it is cheating. Its not cheating if your chatting. You are free to do what you like.

I for one dont care. Women are allowed to have males as friends. I dont care if they're is some flirting. Its life we all do it. When the impulses cross the line is when they send nudes, or partake in sex. Sex with others is only fun when you do it together. 😉😎

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on how you take it. Would you consider it disloyal? What was your purpose for adding these strangers? I can understand if you’re starting a business or something, trying to get a following. But just adding them yes that makes it suspicious to a lot of men if they had the same thing happen to them w their girl. I know as a man I’d wonder who these men are of my girl was adding these “strangers.” To me I’m thinking you have no boundaries or lacking something to just accept strangers. Unless like I said it was to build a following for a business or something.

Caroline91 · Answer

Would you consider it disloyal if he did that with random girls on Instagram? You're not an inexperienced kid, so you really ought to know this. And for me, especially, respect is even more important than love. This is disrespectful on your part. Listen to him, if you care about him.

Shiprex · Answer

It's a valid boundary that someone can have that isn't an insecurity of either's It's unwise to just add random strangers to your world if you think about it. What's to say they're not going to search for you and cause you trouble because they become obsessive towards you?

Far too much attention seeking and "likes" that social media has created an incredibly narcissistic and anxious generation of people who's online presence is far too important that is affects their irl lives.

dragoblack · Answer

Getting upset over accepting a random dudes invite is purely insecurity, even if the roles were reversed. How you interact afterwards is the important part.
I see so many relationships were either or both get super upset/pissed-off for following attractive people are just talking to people of opposite sex on social media, and it is honestly ridiculous to get pissed or super insecure about. Again, what matters is how you interact with them. When it comes to attractive people... everyone likes visual appeal, as long as you don't compare yourself or your partner to them, it is fine.

french_omelette · Answer

Its disrespectful to him. I can see that you weren't thinking it through so I don't blame you but I don't blame him for being mad, if anything you should be happy that he's mad for wanting to protect you. And consider their intentions, a woman who respects herself wouldn't let a bunch of random men comment about her looks on posts. It would make your boyfriend so happy if you made your account private and only let people who you trust follow you

Astrocake · Answer

honestly, it is a little weird that you’re accepting them because men don’t platonically keep women around. I feel like he has to trust you as well, but if this makes him uncomfortable, then you should just remove everyone and stop doing it. If you don’t know them in real life or if you’re not famous or using the Internet for financial income like if your business owner or anything then why are you doing it? I think you should consider how he feels and it doesn’t mean you’re being disloyal or you’re cheating because it doesn’t sound like you’re doing it on purpose. Sounds like you’re just interested in having a following online and that’s OK but consider how your partner feels because at the end of the day those people aren’t going to make sure you’re safe or feed you or be there for you. Consider your partner.

lightbulb27 · Answer

It's not cheating but it's unnecessary and possibly dangerous.

if he's been cheated on or trust issues, may be a bigger issue to him.

you have to honor the wounds of the other person:)! welcome to relationship. In time, maybe he learns to trust you and himself.

some cultures may be less accepting than others...

Zack-Bann · Answer

I think people overreact to an app on the phone
Instagram means nothing

But if you’d be bothered if he did that
That’s a story in of itself

And you probably shouldn’t do things that you wouldn’t be ok with him doing
Common sense and all

Billlewis · Answer

That's kind of a judgment call. Yes, technically he has a valid point, but he should also be secure enough to handle it, in my opinion.

Quigly · Answer

You are not cheating any vow of Monogamy if you have not taken one.

Most people now view the Monogamy aspect of Marriage stupid anyway.

Marriage is a financial institution, not a social institution. nobody can really explain Why Monogamy is a part of Marriage.

avery58 · Answer

It's not cheating but a little weird considering you're in a relationship.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Many of these men are having too many heavy flow days, it seems.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think what you did was harmless. Not like you’re flirting with them.

Anonymous · Answer

I would be pissed if my boyfriend accepted random girls like that. It's not cheating, and it sounds like your intentions were not what he feared they were, but still I can understand why he would assume bad things.

Jove79 · Answer

Make your account public, and post 10 pictures of you are your significant other. Problem solved. You won’t have to accept or deny follow requests, and people will know off rip you are in a relationship. Don’t open DM’s if any.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not cheating nor disloyal. Your boyfriend is insecure and if he didn't want you to do such things, he should've just discussed it as a boundary rather than claim it as a certain type of behavior.

Iron_Man · Answer

You have to understand why he would be upset and he doesn’t know if you’re talking to them when you’re by yourself alone I’ll bet you he doesn’t have your password either right

beenherebefore · Answer

I agree is not loyal behavior but I wouldn't consider it cheating.

spartan55 · Answer

The world would be a better place without stupid Instagram

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Not cheating, but it is disrespectful to your boyfriend.

SamWinchester058 · Answer

Always keeping your options open eh? Yeah I'd say if you're in a committed relationship that it's not a good look. Is it cheating? No. Not yet... You're also not dumb and you clearly understand why men would follow you.

SotiCoto · Answer

Should be pretty obvious that if you'd be annoyed if he did it that you shouldn't do it either.

exitseven · Answer

It is not cheating but it is not cool either.

LiamJHayden · Answer

What I or anyone else thinks is irrelevant. What your boyfriend thinks matters.

Vick2828 · Answer

It’s not cheating but rude. Don't accept random men. How would you like if he accepted women? Be fair

Sal_Monella · Answer

Cheating and disloyalty are the same. Betrayal.

jahaims · Answer

You are seeking inappropriate attention while in a relationship.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

He is 100% correct.

WonderingManII · Answer

Social Media Controversy Strikes again!

Anonymous · Answer

It's a combination of both.

robocop666 · Answer

whats wrong with accepting followers?

Anonymous · Answer

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Is this cheating or disloyalty?

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