How would you break the touch barrier?

[Anonymous]

I recently did something that i think made my crush feel uncomfortable but I’m not sure.

My crush and i were watching a movie together. I was sitting in a chair near the end of the bed where she sat; her legs were outstretched. My arm was resting on the bed very close to her foot. She adjusted her position and accidentily touched my arm; then, she immediately moved her foot slightly away from me. I decided to take a chance on breaking the touch barrier with her a little more by touching her ankle and lightly nudged it towards me to let her know i was okay with the contact. To my surprise, she moved her foot back towards me very quickly. I held and caressed her foot and ankle for about a minute or so before she said “I’m going to move my foot under the covers because I’m a little cold”. I replied with “okay” and we both smiled. The rest of our hangout felt completely normal; no awkwardness at all.

I’m not sure if she was hinting at being uncomfortable with what i did. The next time we hung out I was the one sitting on the bed while she sat in the chair. Unexpectedly, she placed her feet up on the bed very close to my arm again. Perhaps she wasn’t as uncomfortable with what happened? I didn’t do anything that time though, just in case

[Anonymous]

It's difficult to say for sure whether or not your crush was uncomfortable with your touch without more information about her specific reactions and behaviors. However, it's important to always respect someone's boundaries and to be attentive to their nonverbal cues and verbal responses.

If you're interested in breaking the touch barrier with someone, it's important to start with small, non-intrusive touches such as a light touch on the arm or shoulder, or a brief hand on the back. It's also important to pay attention to how the other person responds to your touch, and to be respectful if they seem uncomfortable or hesitant.

Ultimately, the best way to break the touch barrier is to build a foundation of trust and mutual respect with the other person. This can involve getting to know them better, building a rapport and connection, and being attentive to their needs and boundaries. It's important to remember that physical touch is a personal and intimate choice, and that it should always be done with consent and respect for the other person's boundaries.

[EricSummer]

I think you are right. She was uncomfortable with your caressing her foot. On the other hand, I do not think you did anything wrong. You watched out for her reaction and you respected that she did want to be touched more. It as still a good move otherwise. I mean even in current times it would be a bit overdone to explicitly ask if you may touch her.

Have you already tried holding hands or putting your arm around her back while walking? Maybe that's less of an issue for her. Lying next to each other it is of course likely to escalate more.

Another nice time to touch is while sitting in a restaurant or café. You can touch the hands across the table, or casually touch her arm while talking.

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your thorough and thoughtful response! I didn’t mention any history of physical affection but this isn’t the first time we’ve been in contact with eachother. We hug all of the time, brush shoulders often, I’ve played with her feet before, stroked her hair, held her hand to appreciate her nail polish, and we’ve even locked arms while crossing the street.

Perhaps this moment while watching the film felt too intimate for her and she doesn’t want to escalate things just yet

[EricSummer]

Yes, that's likely. She thought it's best to stop you early on rather than when things heat up. I do not think she minded you stroking her foot as such.

[rachel776]

assume she liked it and do it again unless she says stop. if she did like it, she will really like your confidence in starting it again. if she didn't, it will be no big deal for her to say stop

[Asker]

Thank you for your response! This is what i thought about in the moment too. Maybe I’m overthinking it and she really was just cold but was totally okay with what i did

[rachel776]

yes sounds like it. i would have pulled away immediately if i didn't want it

[virtue2332]

There is nothing wrong with bringing it up and ask her. You could do it in a direct serious way. Or a joking way next time she puts her foot next to you could jokingly say are you trying to get a free foot massage. If she says yes let her know you don't mind and compliment her beautiful feet. Then communicate and ask her what she likes rubbing heal or arch? Ask her if her calfs need attention. Move to hands shoulders. If she is enjoying it and you know you are doing a shit job then it's obvious she is into your touch. Just ask for consent every step of the way and go at her pace. You have to keep up though because if you are missing out on her clues and going too slow you are just going to frustrate her.

[JoshMa]

Had a former co worker run in at the bar and she gave a hug while meeting and i accidentally touched her back as we were talking but then caught myself. As i left her area and the night went on she came from out of nowhere gave a half back hug goodbye, ig they will let you know if they liked it or not 😏

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Just look at her, smile, hold your hand out and say "come 'ere"

[In_Trance]

I think it becomes evident through body language and interaction mentally

[Iron_Man]

I’m respectful

[Asker]

Hello! Thanks for the response! I was hoping to get an opinion regarding the moment I had with my crush. What do you think about the action i took? What would you have done after?

[Iron_Man]

You can hold her hand just hold it, but not gonna give you tips on how to work into having sex with her