Why can't men desire only one woman?

[Anonymous]

I read books often & I've noticed a characteristic that the male lead role has that I really wish real men would have. The male only wants the lead female character & has no desire for any other woman. She is the only one he wants & other women don't even tempt him. In real life, men are not like this & are checking other women out. They may choose to be faithful on the outside, but are cheating on this inside with lust & desire. I know it seems like an impossible thing to ask, but why can't men only want one woman?

Also, please don't go into some large explanation about evolution & how men can't help themselves because they need to spread their seed as much as they can. That argument just really irritates me because I don't think men are helpless animals that are victims to their own bodies.

Updates

+1 y

Everyone can stop answering this question, some people are being very rude, & I'm done with this. Thank you to the people who wrote nice answers & didn't act like a jerk.

[Phoenix1991]

uhh, I know what you mean, I think it really has something to do with ego really. People who can't help themselves to have more then one woman has to be either ego or narcissism. From the age of 15 to 27 most of men are Anxious and obsessed with sex, which is normal but not to become obsessed. They can't get enough of it so they keep desiring it, its like how people love cookies or ice cream and can't get enough of it. IF its always out there for the grabs , they will chase it. That's human nature to desire something like that, its like a sign of dominance or some bullsh*t among men. I don't care about things like that, when I'm not in a relationship or not looking for one, I will probably mingle a lot but I don't think I need to have them or claim them for myself. When I want a relationship (which is probably 95% of the time) then I desire one woman who is properly right for me. Someone who kind of completes me, knows me, understands me and truly loves me for that. I know people who desire relationships, yet flirt with girls on the side, unfortunetly I cover for their ass , but its really immaturity and narcissism really.

[Asker]

Thank you for writing a nice answer, I agree with you. And don't mind the vote down, people are really touchy on this site, it's bullsh*t.

[Phoenix1991]

Dont worry its fine, I'm not too worried about it, just you can't please everyone I suppose. and your welcome by the way. =)

[sixstring]

His answer is bullsh*t. You weren't asking about men who cheat, you were asking about men who check out other women. You can make the claim that cheating has got something to do with ego, but looking is something completely different.

We are wired to look, period. An any guy who says he never even looks at other women is just simply lying.

[sixstring]

Oh and by the way, you're not leaving this because people are "rude". You just can't handle people disagreeing with you and simply pointing out your naivety.

[Phoenix1991]

my answer may not agree with what you agree on but I wasn't denying the fact other men do look. Men can control themselves, not all men are the same, just as all women aren't the same, each person is different. Some people look at other girls when they are in a relationship, and some others don't, it depends on the individuals principles. When I'm single, sure ill look at a girl or check her out, but when I'm in relationship my mind is too distracted or not interested in other women, just me, srry

[Datall]

Guys cheat most of the time because they are not happy with what they have and are looking for something better, specifically sex. Men also like variety and younger guys typically believe new stuff is better than old.

[kheserthorpe]

Your own question is contradictory. You answer it yourself, then say you are 'irritated' by that 'argument'.

You think men are not 'helpless animals' yet indeed you know this - you indicate they 'choose to be faithful on the outside'. Isn't this precisely what you mean by 'not being a helpless animal' i.e. they can overcome their urges?

What you want is not a man who can control himself, you want a man who does not need to control himself because he is only interested in one woman.

I've heard a few men talk this way, but its rare. Most women talk this way, but its b.s. for them too. Most people will feel attraction to a desirable enough partner, they just don't necessarily act on it.

[selfishstars]

It's completely normal to find other people attractive/lust after other people, even if you're in a relationship, no matter if you're a man or a woman. It isn't "cheating on the inside", unless you believe in "thought crime".

I don't know about you, but I can't control my thoughts. I mean, sure, you can choose not to dwell on a thought, but the initial thought it is just something that pops into your head. That said, I don't see any harm in feeling desire for other people, so long as you don't act on those desires. Personally, I wouldn't be with a guy who expected that I never feel any lust or desire for anyone except for him---that's incredibly unrealistic and insecure. I live in the real world, not fantasyland...and in the real world, lust is a natural emotion.

[Lola_Lilly]

There is a difference between finding someone attractive and lusting after him. I find some people attractive but I still do not lust after them. I can find even people of my own gender attractive just like you can, and it doesn ot mean that you are lusting after men that you may find attractive as you are probably not gay.
And I think that yes, it is possible to want only the person that you are with. It is probably the case for people with higher emotional inteligence and those who do not objectify women/men. I am not saying that it can not happen but...

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

... there is nothing wrong with looking ... plus its not looking they just turn around and thing oh she is hot and then go wondering about in their day they are not tempted most of the time or even thinking of doing it . Kind of like how I have a boyfriend doesn't mean that I don't have the right to think that other guys are hot

[Lola_Lilly]

Thinking that someone is hot is not the same as imagining have sex with them. You can also think that Kim Kardashian is hot but unless you are bisexual or lesbian you will probably not imagine having sex with her.
For those who limagine having sex with other people there is always the possibility to stop your thoughts and turn them into something else. That is why we are people and not animals.

[sschic]

Ok so I've gone through all the answers. They all explained themselves well. No need to be hot-tempered. I think what you mentioned above is simply the way men are. And that does NOT mean that they can't be loyal or faithful. Instincts and behaviors can still be independent.

[zickzack]

Well, we are no helpless animals and such an argument is really lame. You are right. So I hope I can give you a better answer. I think many men have fear to get dependend from a woman, more it isn`t.

btw: men who are concentrated by one woman are more or less addicted. In which kind? I they have special sexual wishes and a woman know them or this and she realize such, so a part of men get very dependant of a woman. Such will happen "here and there".

But I ask myself, why not get dependant of a woman, if she is the right one and don`t abuse the dependance of a man?! Surely it`s not always good to be a kind of "cowboy".

[Anonymous]

Romance novels are written so that a female reader can identify with the lead woman character. Many times, they portray that a man will do anything for her love and she need not do anything in return. The woman has complete power over the relationship and has to contribute nothing. This is not how real relationships work. Real relationships are between two people who must both contribute equally.

If you do not show him that he is desired by you, and you do not put in even effort to maintain and improve the relationship, he will wonder why he is with you. He will cease to desire you. His wondering eye is many times due to your failure as a partner. It's the same on a guys side of a relationship. If he does not treat her right, she looks for love elsewhere.

[Asker]

Are you trying to say that if a guy checks out other girls it's my fault? I could do all the right things, & a guy would still check out another girl, this is not my fault.

[Opinion Owner]

Well for me, when I'm in a relationship with a girl I'm totally into her. I have tunnel vision to an extent. I have no desire what so ever to be with any other girl except her unless the relationship is crashing. This said, it does not mean that other girls will not find me desirable. It does not mean they will not try flirting with me. It does not mean I will not be playful back when they flirt. All this flirtation or a look at a girl who wears skimpy cloths means nothing.

[Opinion Owner]

I still am absolutely devoted to her. My loyalty is very strong and I do not waiver. So you should never get jealous and insecure over any girls trying to make a move on me. That insecurity by a girl, is what crashes a relationship sometimes. Sometimes it is the main factor why I break ties and walk away.

[Opinion Owner]

So yes, it is the girls fault when she crashes a relationship in that way. =S

[Asker]

I understand

[Opinion Owner]

You have to take responsibility for your side of the relationship. This means showing trust in your partner, showing them that you desire them, showing that you care for them, etc. When you don't do your part, a guys that is doing his feels like he's getting a raw deal in a way. He starts to think other girls will treat him better.

[themastaplan]

checking out women is natural...as is checking out men for women..

just because a man may think a women is attractive does not mean that they have to desire that person...or more than one women...

attraction is normal and OK, you can read the menu, but there shouldn't be any ordering if you're in a relationship with a women you truly care about...

sit back and ask yoruself if your mom or dad has any famous crushes...im sure they do, come on I know you do...i certainly do! but...if I had a women who treated me well, that I loved with all my heart, that's all that counts and its all she needs to know...she should have enough trust in me to understand that I would never break her heart by cheating on her because I "desired" or as I would call it "finding another women attractive'...

hope this helps...

[Anonymous]

And in those books you are referring to, are they written by female authors? It is because real men don't think that way. Those authors are feeding you a line of bull. Sure if guys watched a movie where the woman was sweet, never moody, calm, collected, etc. most guys would want that woman.

Women are programmed to want more than one guy. Sure the one she marries might be great for a relationship but the spark might be found with another bloke. Someone with more desirable features.

I think that a paternity test should be mandatory before any names go on the birth certificate. This will eliminate having a switch of babies and any legal issues if the child isn't their biological offspring.

[Asker]

Paternity test mandatory? WTF? I would never cheat on a guy physically or emotionally, this is messed up.

[kheserthorpe]

Well, a huge number of kids born globally are not related to the man whose name is on their birth certificate.

[Opinion Owner]

That's what they say but this might put empirical evidence to back it up.

[queenofpeen]

Well, books aren't realistic, but there are men who do only desire the person they're with. I truly think they just have to find the right person.

I too think the evolution explanation is crap, because it doesn't account for the fact that there ARE men who are 100% faithful, even inside. I'm dating one and I'm also friends with a couple of others. The biological standpoint also doesn't account for asexuality, which wouldn't exist in men if they had such an innate desire to "spread their seed."

[moloz]

Woah there, there's A REALLY BIG DIFFERENCE between LUST and actual CHEATING.

[Asker]

I agree with you 100%. The evolution excuse if BS & I do think someone should be faithful on the inside as well. You can be faithful all you want on the outside, but if you want another woman on the inside, you have already cheated with her in your heart. Thank you for a great answer!

[queenofpeen]

@moloz I know that, I'm talking about the existence of some guys who truly don't feel lust toward others. I'm not condemning those who do, because I do think it's natural for many people. I'm just saying it's not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I read all answers to see how rude people were. And I saw very seldom rude answers. You seem like a very very very sensitive person, it might be a reason why your relationships fail. You also seem very short with people who disagree with you while you make broad generalizations about men and accuse others to be judgemental. You seem very immature emotionally and need to grow up a bit. I think it'll make your future relationship with men better.

[Asker]

Don't come unto my question being rude, I already said I don't want people to answer this anymore. All you people want is to fight with me, just leave me alone.

[Opinion Owner]

no problem with that, I'll leave you alone gladly

[acka72]

DNA...

and by the way, women in stable relationships fantacize about having sex with other men whilst ovulating. (Also DNA)

Men look for as many as they can have it with

Women look for the best genes for their kids (sadly enough the best genes are not found with the guy they have a relationship with)

[Lola_Lilly]

I am in a relationship for 14 years and do not sexually or in any other way want any other man nor have I wanted him. I am smart to know that the grass is not greener on the other side and that all men have got their own issues just like women.

[acka72]

@Lola_Lilly How can you be 20 years old and be in a relationship for 14. That meant you had a relationship with the dude at 6?

[dudeman]

this is a very simple answer, we have ten times the testosterone of women. which makes us more muscular, have a higher libido, more aggressive and a bunch of other things. And yes we are programmed to spread our seed but some choose not to sleep around and I think men should be commended for that, that's like asking a women not to have her period

[moloz]

QA testified that if you accept that definition, you "accept you are a victim to your own body".

Preposterous.

[Asker]

God moloz, you are so rude, stop harrassing me.

[dudeman]

no he's not rude you're just a little delusional

[Asker]

I am not delusional. The things you said does not mean a man has an excuse to have sex with many women & cheat whenever he likes. Men are not helpless, they can control themselves.

[Ashley8282]

lol

[Lola_Lilly]

I do not think that this is due to testosterone. I am have a really high libido, much higher than my boyfriend, which cause him not to be able to keep up with me, but that still does not make me want other men. I can do it with myself and it is him in my thoughts when I do it. So I think that it is society and still patriarchal society that encourages trhat a man should be like a macho who should want other women.

[sixstring]

Because books are fiction..

It's not cheating. We like to look at different women, it's how we are. Because like said before, it's our biology. It's not an excuse, everybody is a victim to their own biology. Like how women can have these irrational feelings.

Oh and by the way, research has shown women actually look more at men than the other way around. They're just very inconspicuous because you have a very wide peripheral vision, while we men have tunnelvision.

[toulouse]

@Like how women can have these irrational feelings.

how does someone have an irrational feeling? feelings are not based on reason.

men and women are irrational at times. no sex has a corner on the market.

[sixstring]

Emotions are most often rational. If someone steals from you, you become angry. If someone threatens you, you become scared. Seems like rational behavior to me.

But acting irrational, especially while feeling emotional is dominated by the female gender. Even women say that about themselves.

[VintageTwalk]

A lot of men like to have their *Main girl* and the hoes on the side. Most men to this because they don't want to lose their main girl, so they often cheat with the hoes to get an orgasm. This doesn't mean that men don't love their girlfriend/wives, its just that men don't wanna lose the one they love and have themselves 10 toes deep in the game with hoes.

[EngineeringStudent]

Cheating on the inside... what a bunch of bull. Most women have probably sexually desired more than one person as well. It's pretty unrealistic to expect someone to only be attracted to you and you alone.

[Anonymous]

There is only one woman in the world I want, and the killer is that she doesn't want me back. When I was younger, I was all about getting laid and screwing whoever talked to me. But now that I am grown up, all I want is someone to love and to love me back.

[Asker]

I'm sorry to hear that, if it makes you feel better, after reading a lot of these answers, I'm considering becoming a nun, lol.

[Opinion Owner]

And I'm considering being single forever or becoming gay. Being alone is a lot easier to feel than being hurt over and over and never being good enough.

[Asker]

I'm considering asking the Admins to delete this question because of all the hate this question is receiving. People are so judmental & rude on this site, I really just can't stand it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Well in my opinion, guys old and young will always desire or be attracted to hot, young, fertile looking females. But the answer is because they were just born this way. I know for a fact that I don't get sexually excited when I see a really cute guy, because females are attracted in a different way than males are. The question is though, for me, when I get married will my husband stay faithful to me, if he is presented with an oppportunity to cheat and to never get caught?

[Anonymous]

sorry you got it wrong I desired just one women when I met a beautiful girl ..my whole world revolved around her and we became so close..at the end she left me because she doesn't have time for me anymore..but still she keeps talking to her ex and other guys I am the one left out ...i feel alone and cold..she doesn't care she just stopped talking to me ...i wish I had one more girl for the backup

[Asker]

I hope I am wrong, otherwise, I'm just done with men, I'm tired of not being enough for a guy.

[Opinion Owner]

there are good men out there...just have some hope...i wanted to spend my rest of life with her..but she didn't even consider me as a friend...i didn't loose hope in women...i just lost trust in women

[FierceMegan]

I know you said to stop answering, but I feel the need to answer. :(

I think it depends on the guy. Greedy guys want multiple women. Men who are not greedy only want one. Same goes for women.

[brunettebelle]

Some men just want a women in their life and just a relationship but they don't get that. It is human nature for men to want more than one woman but some men don't really want a ton of women.

[Lola_Lilly]

Human nature to want more than one woman? Yet there are so many women who want more than one man. It is not only human nature that shapes us it is also upbringing, religion, society, morality and values, etc. People are more complex beings than human nature.

[Anonymous]

Biology. What point is there for men to only have sex with one woman if he has the opportunity for more? Just because its not pretty don't mean it isn't true.

[Asker]

I don't like it, it really makes me never want to be with a guy. I really wish there could be some guys who are like the guys in books. I'd rather be alone than with someone who isn't satisified with me alone.

[Opinion Owner]

Date guys who don't have the attributes to actually get with many women. That's when they are faithful. They usually only risk their steady line of sex if there is a good chance of actually getting the additional sex.

[Lola_Lilly]

I think that it is also socially conditioned. How your personality developed depends on many factors.

[Anonymous]

Because men like fruits...a banana in Summer, an apple in Winter, a mango in Spring and a coconut in Autumn! :D

[Kain6th]

ewww coconut! >:-P

[RedThread78]

haha not all men! :D

[moloz]

You irritate us. We men believe you, the females, should behave in a certain way as well. Do not try to change us to suit yourself.

[Asker]

so rude

[moloz]

And you complained about people being to touchy on this site, lol.

You expect people to change something fundamentally tied to their humanity because you don't like it?

[Asker]

You are just not a nice person, please stop answering my question.

[sixstring]

He's not being rude. He's being truthful.

[Anonymous]

If you don't like the logical answer then why ask the question? You might as well be asking why we don't have advanced space travel because you read it in a book.

[Asker]

I don't think that answer is logical, I don't agree with it.

[Anonymous]

I attribute this to your taste in men.

[Asker]

This isn't one of those things, don't throw this on me. My taste in men are ones who are faithful physically & emotionally. Since those types of men don't seem to exist, I don't date. Are you going to say you don't check other women out & are completely faithful to one girl mind, body, & soul?

[Opinion Owner]

Funny, I've never strayed in my life and have never had a desire to.

I must not exist.

I stand by my answer. Ciao.

[Asker]

You seem like a very cold person.

[Anonymous]

I desire only one woman throughout my life :)

[Asker]

Nice to know you exist

[Opinion Owner]

:)

[sschic]

Nice. Would it be OK to ask where you're from?

[Opinion Owner]

I am from the planet Earth .

[Lola_Lilly]

i. I really fel the need to answer your comment. I really think that you are very cool. First, because you are different than many of these wanna-be-macho, insecure and immature guys. And second, because you are not afraid of being different and do not care what others will think. Third, you have admirable qualities that women with self-confidence and self-respect will recognize. You know who you are and who you should be. I suppose that you also know what kind of a woman you want and that you will not settle for less because you desreve the best. What you think like is the sign of high emotinoal inteligence, which many men lack and are under the influence of social pressure to objectify women and want more than one of them.

[Anonymous]

WHy can't women only desire on man