Why can't men desire only one woman?

Question

I read books often & I've noticed a characteristic that the male lead role has that I really wish real men would have. The male only wants the lead female character & has no desire for any other woman. She is the only one he wants & other women don't even tempt him. In real life, men are not like this & are checking other women out. They may choose to be faithful on the outside, but are cheating on this inside with lust & desire. I know it seems like an impossible thing to ask, but why can't men only want one woman?

Also, please don't go into some large explanation about evolution & how men can't help themselves because they need to spread their seed as much as they can. That argument just really irritates me because I don't think men are helpless animals that are victims to their own bodies.

Phoenix1991 · Accepted Answer

uhh, I know what you mean, I think it really has something to do with ego really. People who can't help themselves to have more then one woman has to be either ego or narcissism. From the age of 15 to 27 most of men are Anxious and obsessed with sex, which is normal but not to become obsessed. They can't get enough of it so they keep desiring it, its like how people love cookies or ice cream and can't get enough of it. IF its always out there for the grabs , they will chase it. That's human nature to desire something like that, its like a sign of dominance or some bullsh*t among men. I don't care about things like that, when I'm not in a relationship or not looking for one, I will probably mingle a lot but I don't think I need to have them or claim them for myself. When I want a relationship (which is probably 95% of the time) then I desire one woman who is properly right for me. Someone who kind of completes me, knows me, understands me and truly loves me for that. I know people who desire relationships, yet flirt with girls on the side, unfortunetly I cover for their ass , but its really immaturity and narcissism really.

kheserthorpe · Accepted Answer

Your own question is contradictory. You answer it yourself, then say you are 'irritated' by that 'argument'.

You think men are not 'helpless animals' yet indeed you know this - you indicate they 'choose to be faithful on the outside'. Isn't this precisely what you mean by 'not being a helpless animal' i.e. they can overcome their urges?

What you want is not a man who can control himself, you want a man who does not need to control himself because he is only interested in one woman.

I've heard a few men talk this way, but its rare. Most women talk this way, but its b.s. for them too. Most people will feel attraction to a desirable enough partner, they just don't necessarily act on it.

selfishstars · Accepted Answer

It's completely normal to find other people attractive/lust after other people, even if you're in a relationship, no matter if you're a man or a woman. It isn't "cheating on the inside", unless you believe in "thought crime".

I don't know about you, but I can't control my thoughts. I mean, sure, you can choose not to dwell on a thought, but the initial thought it is just something that pops into your head. That said, I don't see any harm in feeling desire for other people, so long as you don't act on those desires. Personally, I wouldn't be with a guy who expected that I never feel any lust or desire for anyone except for him---that's incredibly unrealistic and insecure. I live in the real world, not fantasyland...and in the real world, lust is a natural emotion.

Hyped_up_on_coffee · Accepted Answer

... there is nothing wrong with looking ... plus its not looking they just turn around and thing oh she is hot and then go wondering about in their day they are not tempted most of the time or even thinking of doing it . Kind of like how I have a boyfriend doesn't mean that I don't have the right to think that other guys are hot

sschic · Accepted Answer

Ok so I've gone through all the answers. They all explained themselves well. No need to be hot-tempered. I think what you mentioned above is simply the way men are. And that does NOT mean that they can't be loyal or faithful. Instincts and behaviors can still be independent.

zickzack · Answer

Well, we are no helpless animals and such an argument is really lame. You are right. So I hope I can give you a better answer. I think many men have fear to get dependend from a woman, more it isn`t.

btw: men who are concentrated by one woman are more or less addicted. In which kind? I they have special sexual wishes and a woman know them or this and she realize such, so a part of men get very dependant of a woman. Such will happen "here and there".

But I ask myself, why not get dependant of a woman, if she is the right one and don`t abuse the dependance of a man?! Surely it`s not always good to be a kind of "cowboy".

Anonymous · Answer

Romance novels are written so that a female reader can identify with the lead woman character. Many times, they portray that a man will do anything for her love and she need not do anything in return. The woman has complete power over the relationship and has to contribute nothing. This is not how real relationships work. Real relationships are between two people who must both contribute equally.

If you do not show him that he is desired by you, and you do not put in even effort to maintain and improve the relationship, he will wonder why he is with you. He will cease to desire you. His wondering eye is many times due to your failure as a partner. It's the same on a guys side of a relationship. If he does not treat her right, she looks for love elsewhere.

themastaplan · Answer

checking out women is natural...as is checking out men for women..

just because a man may think a women is attractive does not mean that they have to desire that person...or more than one women...

attraction is normal and OK, you can read the menu, but there shouldn't be any ordering if you're in a relationship with a women you truly care about...

sit back and ask yoruself if your mom or dad has any famous crushes...im sure they do, come on I know you do...i certainly do! but...if I had a women who treated me well, that I loved with all my heart, that's all that counts and its all she needs to know...she should have enough trust in me to understand that I would never break her heart by cheating on her because I "desired" or as I would call it "finding another women attractive'...

hope this helps...

Anonymous · Answer

And in those books you are referring to, are they written by female authors? It is because real men don't think that way. Those authors are feeding you a line of bull. Sure if guys watched a movie where the woman was sweet, never moody, calm, collected, etc. most guys would want that woman.

Women are programmed to want more than one guy. Sure the one she marries might be great for a relationship but the spark might be found with another bloke. Someone with more desirable features.

I think that a paternity test should be mandatory before any names go on the birth certificate. This will eliminate having a switch of babies and any legal issues if the child isn't their biological offspring.

queenofpeen · Answer

Well, books aren't realistic, but there are men who do only desire the person they're with. I truly think they just have to find the right person.

I too think the evolution explanation is crap, because it doesn't account for the fact that there ARE men who are 100% faithful, even inside. I'm dating one and I'm also friends with a couple of others. The biological standpoint also doesn't account for asexuality, which wouldn't exist in men if they had such an innate desire to "spread their seed."

Anonymous · Answer

I read all answers to see how rude people were. And I saw very seldom rude answers. You seem like a very very very sensitive person, it might be a reason why your relationships fail. You also seem very short with people who disagree with you while you make broad generalizations about men and accuse others to be judgemental. You seem very immature emotionally and need to grow up a bit. I think it'll make your future relationship with men better.

acka72 · Answer

DNA...

and by the way, women in stable relationships fantacize about having sex with other men whilst ovulating. (Also DNA)

Men look for as many as they can have it with

Women look for the best genes for their kids (sadly enough the best genes are not found with the guy they have a relationship with)

dudeman · Answer

this is a very simple answer, we have ten times the testosterone of women. which makes us more muscular, have a higher libido, more aggressive and a bunch of other things. And yes we are programmed to spread our seed but some choose not to sleep around and I think men should be commended for that, that's like asking a women not to have her period

sixstring · Answer

Because books are fiction..

It's not cheating. We like to look at different women, it's how we are. Because like said before, it's our biology. It's not an excuse, everybody is a victim to their own biology. Like how women can have these irrational feelings.

Oh and by the way, research has shown women actually look more at men than the other way around. They're just very inconspicuous because you have a very wide peripheral vision, while we men have tunnelvision.

VintageTwalk · Answer

A lot of men like to have their *Main girl* and the hoes on the side. Most men to this because they don't want to lose their main girl, so they often cheat with the hoes to get an orgasm. This doesn't mean that men don't love their girlfriend/wives, its just that men don't wanna lose the one they love and have themselves 10 toes deep in the game with hoes.

EngineeringStudent · Answer

Cheating on the inside... what a bunch of bull.  Most women have probably sexually desired more than one person as well.  It's pretty unrealistic to expect someone to only be attracted to you and you alone.

Anonymous · Answer

There is only one woman in the world I want, and the killer is that she doesn't want me back. When I was younger, I was all about getting laid and screwing whoever talked to me. But now that I am grown up, all I want is someone to love and to love me back.

Anonymous · Answer

Well in my opinion, guys old and young will always desire or be attracted to hot, young, fertile looking females.  But the answer is because they were just born this way. I know for a fact that I don't get sexually excited when I see a really cute guy, because females are attracted in a different way than males are. The question is though, for me, when I get married will my husband stay faithful to me, if he is presented with an oppportunity to cheat and to never get caught?

Anonymous · Answer

sorry you got it wrong I desired just one women when I met a beautiful girl ..my whole world revolved around her and we became so close..at the end she left me  because she doesn't have time for me anymore..but still she keeps talking to her ex and other guys I am the one left out ...i feel alone and cold..she doesn't care she just stopped talking to me ...i wish I had one more girl for the backup

FierceMegan · Answer

I know you said to stop answering, but I feel the need to answer. :( I think it depends on the guy. Greedy guys want multiple women. Men who are not greedy only want one. Same goes for women.

brunettebelle · Answer

Some men just want a women in their life and just a relationship but they don't get that. It is human nature for men to want more than one woman but some men don't really want a ton of women.

Anonymous · Answer

Biology.  What point is there for men to only have sex with one woman if he has the opportunity for more? Just because its not pretty don't mean it isn't true.

Anonymous · Answer

Because men like fruits...a banana in Summer, an apple in Winter, a mango in Spring and a coconut in Autumn! :D

moloz · Answer

You irritate us. We men believe you, the females, should behave in a certain way as well. Do not try to change us to suit yourself.

Anonymous · Answer

If you don't like the logical answer then why ask the question? You might as well be asking why we don't have advanced space travel because you read it in a book.

Why can't men desire only one woman?

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