Is it flirting or friendly?

[mikjones123]

Is asking a bartender what days they work considered friendly or flirty? My friend said flirty but I thought friendly? It’s just to come say hi and all not like asking when they aren’t working?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that's a tricky one man. It could kinda go either way depending on the situation.

I'd say if you barely know the bartender then asking about their schedule does come across a little flirty, like you're interested in seeing them again. But if you've chatted with them a few times before and are friendly, it might be taken more casually as just wanting to stop by and say hi when they work.

Factors like tone of voice, body language, and how well you know each other help determine the vibe too. Some girls might find it cute that you wanna come say hi, others could think it's too much too soon.

I'd go with your friendly intentions for sure, but I could see why a girl might think it flirty at first. If you chat her up a bit more first next time at the bar, then ask when she's on so you can swing by as a friend, that might come across more casual friendly vibes rather than interested dude vibes. Does that make sense? Good luck with it either way!

[mikjones123]

like it was the first time I had met her but I had been there a couple of hours and we had talked a bit. she answered but looked in other direction before she did, im probably overthinking it. I really wasn't trying to flirt it was just more that she seemed to like talking to me I told her I lived in the area and I had been here earlier before (when she didn't work there).

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, from the extra context it does sound like you were just being friendly then dude. If you had already talked a bit and she seemed engaged in the conversation, then asking her schedule was more like continuing the chat than outright flirting.

Some things that could make a bartender think a question is friendly vs flirty:

- If you've talked a bit already so there's some rapport

- If you mention living nearby so it seems more like a neighborly interaction

- If you don't linger or stare after asking, but just carry on the convo normally

- If your body language is open rather than turned all the way toward her

She may have just looked away shyly since bartender/customer interactions can feel a bit like performing, you know? I wouldn't read too much into that gesture alone.

Sounds like you were just being your usual polite self. I wouldn't worry that she thought you were flirting - you had legitimate reasons to be curious about her schedule within the context of your previous chatting. Good call on developing a rapport first too before asking personal questions. Smooth moves my man!

[OddBeMe]

Depends on intent. Not a bad thing to flirt lightly with hospitality staff. But their job is to be nice to you. So keep that in mind.

[mikjones123]

I had been there for a few hours and chatted with her for awhile only she seemed to like chatting with me to

[OddBeMe]

Again, she's paid to pretend to like customers. Maybe she likes you. She’s not an idiot. If she spent hours talking to you rather than do her job there a sign. Just be wary of her job requirements. Leave her a biz card or something. Dont ask for her digits. Let her contact you outside work.

[Ladsin2]

Seems more creepy if you ask me.

[scott04sa22]

Friendly

[Anonymous]

Flirting