Do you avoid rejection?

[Whitewulf]

I’m just wonder why, how, who made it an unwritten rule that men are always the ones to be the pursuers? Is it just natural for women to feel like the man has to approach her. Or were you taught this?

it almost seems like even if a man and woman make eye contact and there is unspoken attraction there the woman will take the loss , give up the opportunity to meet a guy and walk away rather than be the one to come up to the guy and risk rejection if the guys is too shy to come say hello.

[mandyfire98]

Ok here goes. I don't particularly follow the "only men approach" thing but I'll tell you why it exists.

It was deemed unladylike to have a woman approach a guy. For years and years it was custom for a guy to court a woman and not the other way around. Women that tried to do that were labeled masculine and unladylike. It was considered unattractive. Basically those customs stuck so long they became part of society. Now even if we wanted to, in modern society, we are still labeled as not being feminine enough or even sluts or whores if we approach men. In other words society deemed it unladylike and slutty and people don't let go of what's "normal" or traditional very easily in society.

[NathanOlipop]

If you're alone in your 30's as a woman, I feel that excuse isn't really going to change the state of things for you. This state of mind that appealing to society is necessary is so odd. Sure men created society, however you appeal to society instead of taking control over yourself I find quiet odd. Do you want to be happy or do you want "society" to persist? Stop feeding the beast.

[mandyfire98]

Sure we can say that all day "oh who cares what they think"

But we all know that most people do care about how society views them in some way. It's hard to break tradition that's been around for as long as it has and has been enforced socially as much as it has.

[Anonymous]

No. But having said that that doesn't mean I approached many women. And my wife was the one who approached me. Now given my dating history (or lack thereof) I think it's highly likely had she not approached me we never would have dated let alone married (as she proposed to me as well). One might infer from this that I'm timid, but I'm not. I was going to propose to her, she just beat me to the punch. The REALITY is dating is a game to most women today. It's a switch they turn off and on at thier whim. This is why most DECENT men date very little if at all. And it's this chasing away of all the good men that leaves mostly the dogs in the dating pool.

This is part of the reason I'm on this site. I'm thankful for my wife. I know how lucky I was to find her. And I want to help rehabilitate these women if I can so they can be as lucky as us.

[Whitewulf]

Very well spoken. Yeah that would be me single for 17 years now and not by choice. Women’ attitudes have definitely changed dramatically towards men in just the past few years and not in a good way.
For example just look at the first females response to my question. Accusing or asserting I have a negative attitude for asking a question that apparently offended her and doesn’t deserve a reply. And yes you are indeed a lucky man.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I think a lot of women today (not all but I think a majority). Have embraced feminism, just not all of feminism. I think most want all the benefits of a relationship with little of the responsibilities. Women simply do not need to rely on a man for anything. So i believe women think a man has to give her everything her hearts desires. And then she'll decide whether he's worthy of her time. I think this is why the dating market is so broken. Women simply do not want to give ANYTHING until she's deep into a relationship. So so many men have no reason to invest anything. Because you're asking the guy to essentially play the lottery. This was not the case with my wife. She wanted from the start and wasn't afraid of putting herself out there. I'll be honest, I was hesitant. Because it's unusual for women to do that. And I would have asked her out if we had spent more time together, that I'm sure of. But I think this is where to many women make thier mistake today. I don't most women today have a very good understanding of what love and commitment is. It's not about romance, even though that is important and has it's place. It's about caring about someone, it's about compromise, and always beeing present. I listen to a lot of these women in there mid 30's on this site and it's pretty apparent to me they've never really loved any guy. Thier actions kind of bear that out. They've had infatuation that they refer to as love. But thier actions make it pretty obvious it's not love.

[Notherndude84]

I hold a slightly more traditional position on this topic. I believe men should court women, be a man and use it as an opportunity to show her you’re a worth while man.
From an evolutionary standpoint women made babies with men who were strong, intelligent, resourceful and gave them a sense of protection. Throughout human existence being born female is by its very nature risky. Females got kidnapped, raped, murdered, were seen as property and faced a lot of risk getting pregnant and having babies. For the reasons mentioned it’s in a woman’s best interest to be courted by a male, and have her determine if he’s worthy of passing on his genes 🧬.


That’s how it is.

[SnowyOwl]

Nope, I've faced rejection many times. I've approached guys, from writing them poems, to asking my crush to prom, to straight forward telling some that I'd love to get to know them...

I believe I've approached almost as many people as I've been approached by guys.

But there needs to be a bit more than eye contact for me to consider someone. Otherwise I'd be approaching too many people. It's not like absolutely everyone out there is a good match/candidate. Maybe girls care more about their standards? I don't know

[NathanDavis]

never a rule... nobody taught me such thing

women often did, and still do approach me... and not just me, they also so approach others who are worthy enough of some interest or intrigue, that's all

and I did it too, if I was intrigued and interested enough on someone, I would do it sometimes just not every time, most of the times... life is THE moment and what YOU make of it, lol

[Fireguy17]

That is just stupid.
If you see someone that you are interested in go for it.
What is the worst that could happen?
you meet and end up together forever?
You are adults, stop playing these little kid games and start acting like an adult.
So many men are just clueless if someone is interested in them, I know I am.

[OneViewpoint]

Nope, I don't avoid rejection. It's part of the game. Not every interaction is gonna work out. So what. On to the next encounter.

If rejection bothers you, you need to go get rejected 200 times. Sooner or later you'll realize it's nothing personal and the world doesn't end. Take it gracefully and start looking forward to the next person you're gonna meet.

[mobiusforniner]

Avoiding rejection stems from an internal fear of failure. I think the defining moment for any adult- is learning to see rejection as an opportunity for improvement. And especially for men, it is tough for any woman to find someone attractive if that someone is too scared to lose.

[MOUTHWASHING]

At first no. But since I started flirting and found out rejection is all I received yes, not only I avoid rejection but I came to understand that loneliness is my only way in life since no woman is interested in me. It is so sad but I have to live with it.

[DizzyDesii]

Its a two way street. We should both approach eachother. People should both take the risk for things they want. Rejection sometimes comes with risk

[Nikki1989]

There is nothing to avoid. I have never gone through life with that negative mindset.

[Anonymous]

I would never under any circumstances approach anyone. I don't care what others do, but I wouldn't be comfortable doing that. Nobody taught me that, it just comes with my introverted, and somewhat shy personality.

[LiamJHayden]

Nope. I do not care if I get rejected. If I approach and ask and she says "No." I then know to not waste time and energy upon her. But I am accustomed to cold approaching so I do not expect a high success rate.

[skidawgkc22]

Yes, because it always comes and I can't handle it anymore.

[PsychicBoobs]

Rejection doesn't kill you. It just stings like a mother. Don't try and you will end up alone.

[jamesgoldman]

I throw myself into rejection so is the nature of business but love is a young man's game

[Whitewulf]

That is one way to approach it. . I’ve always admired my buddies that could take a hit if rejection and brush it off and move in to the next girl
For me the sting was enough to ruin the rest of the night and possibly next few weekends. And love you say is a young man’s game! Perhaps it is. I know nothing about that experience.

[jamesgoldman]

I can't afford to get bogged down and have always have another deal lined up
I'm not a young man these days, I've been there, got the t-shirt and quit when things weren't going to get any better

[MoonFace2]

I’ve always made a move. I got a few rejections, but it happens.

[Emmytexrex]

it something that can happen anytime so you just don't have to see it as anything you just move on to something better so no i am not afraid of it

[scott04sa22]

Get used to it, i been rejected over 1,000 times.

[Shihab_91]

Sometimes especially if she is so pretty

[Anonymous]

Yes, I try to avoid it.