I like my tutor, what to do?

[Anonymous]

He's only 4 years older than me and tutors only for this semester before going out into the real world, but I still feel ridiculously guilty. My friends think it would be okay to pursue it and I can't deny that I really want to because he's a great guy and he has the same opinions as me which rarely happens, but I'm not sure if it would be wrong for me to although I have started to genuinely like him. And also, if it was okay, how would I even go about pursuing him?

Any opinions are fine. I am literally split in half, I don't know what to do. I wish I had met him at the tavern or something instead of the classroom, because then I wouldn't have hesitated about what to do.

[Scoopie]

I think you should give it a shot, just try to do it when he's not your tutor anymore. I'm a tutor and live by the rule not to get involved with students while I'm their tutor. When I like the female student, I try to have her notice me, but keep my distance at the same time. Sometimes girls flirt with me in class and I've noticed that some girls only do it hoping I tell them the answers.

That's why my advise is to approach him after the finals, just to make it clear to him you're not the one trying to use him.

[Asker]

how forward do you get when you want them to notice you but you keep your distance at the same time? Because I always felt like he singled me out a little. He never picked on students, but then he asked for my opinion or he would just look at me in class for extended periods of time. I also think I saw him checking me out once? I don't know. Just things like that.

[Scoopie]

Yes I will look at her from a distance when no one will notice. Or just when looking around class, I move my head but keep my eyes locked on her. But I'll just look at her eyes, and wouldn't want her to notice I was checking her out.

I talk to her with a different, softer voice I think. Taking a chair to sit next to her, trying to stand close to her, asking her how her assignment is going from now and then. Options are limited when I want her to notice, but not the other students.

[Asker]

so how should someone approach you ideally after the semester is over?

[Scoopie]

I'd also try to be extra nice to her classmates, try to have them like me as well, and try to say stuff to them that give a good impression about me and she can hear. So basically use people she knows to hopefully get attracted to me. I can't do much more as I don't want to embarrass her in front of class, or complicate the studen/tutor relationship. When I'm not her tutor anymore, then I'll ask her out if I really liked her that much.

[Scoopie]

How she should approach me: greeting me when she sees me, after doing that once or twice ask me how I'm doing, just the normal conversation I guess. Other, both male and female, students tend to do this as most of them liked me as a tutor. After a while she could ask me for a coffee or any other small thing, just to create the opportunity to casually let me know she's into me. Say something like: I liked the way you tutored and would like to get to know you better.

[I-B-C]

hes paid to make you think you like him..thats what he does for a living..if he flirts with you outside of the the tutoring then maybe..but, what happens if yall break up? then you can't get tutored by him..

[Asker]

he won't be tutoring after this semester which is over in about a month. I'm not sure if he likes me or if he would act on it if he did. do you think it's wrong for me to want to pursue it? how would you recommend for me to pursue it? I can't deny that I want to try at least, but not if it would be a wrong thing to do.

[I-B-C]

if he hasn't asked you out by now..dont pursue it

[Asker]

how come?

[I-B-C]

because it sounds like he either respects his job..or he's just not interested..men who know what they want, will ask you out, the minute they think you like him (whether you do or not)

[Asker]

i've never even made any move to talk to him, never put my hand up in class or anything. that's pretty much what I was asking, should I bother to talk to him (and hence pursue it). I doubt that he knows I like him. I know he checked me out once though.

[I-B-C]

you could tell him you like him..but I wouldn't take it any further..it just sounds too risky

[Asker]

agreed. I should let it go although it's hard. thanks for your help.

[I-B-C]

mhm

[Scoopie]

I don't see the risk telling him after the semester? The only risk is that he doesn't feel the same way, but this way you're constantly thinking about it. Sometimes it will make you feel better by just letting the person know how you feel, even though they don't like you back.