Am I intransigent or petty for not allowing hugs, kisses or another kind of physical intimacy in the first dates?

[Rei02]

When I date someone, I normally don't allow anyone to invade my personal space until there is more trust, which can happen if there are certain conditions, specifically if the feelings reciprocate.

But until now, I have seen in past dates that guys only want a thrust, a one night stand, or something or someone who can give them some kind of physical pleasure and excitement. And if they don't get it neither the first, second, third nor fourth date, they leave and lose interest.

Am I in the right for not allowing it, or am I too petty or intransigent?

[Summeroflove]

It’s called boundaries and I’m kind of with you on that. I don’t mind a handshake but I agree that trust should be built. Some people genuinely mean well but everyone has different boundaries and you should tread carefully the first date.

People who rush physical intimacy can be red flags obviously some people who just want sex but even worse is people who are trying to push things too fast and get you all wrapped up before you can see their true colors. Sex bombing and love bombing.

That’s a good way to see someone’s intentions… Because people who are dating with genuine investment into you… Are wanting to get to know you better. They also tend to value other things more then sex.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It's funny, I would never view myself as petty or intransigent in your seat. Where does your interrogation come from in the first place? I mean what made you consider that your reactions could be excessive?

[Rei02]

Because when someone asked me if I had boyfriend and answered with a no, then that person asked me if the reason was that I have high standards. I told him that no, but that made me doubt of myself. Then I met another guy online, and he told me that I should low my standards as time passes, specially after 40 years, and other things but I felt he was bad news. I postponed our first meeting in person and he blew a fuse, and told me that I was a loser and that's the reason why I am alone, etc, etc.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

oh boy yeah the second guy was really bad news, going for the good old lecturing approach and then loosing it for a meeting 🤣

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

High standards... I believe someone looking at high standards like it's not a normal thing must be bad news too. I see truth and joy in being picky. I mean being picky about the good stuff, about personalities and values, whereas being picky about cars and furniture would be petty to me.

What do you hear when you think of your high standards?

[elizamichale1]

Well if u want something long term u got to be clear about it honey... if the guy u r going to date knows what u want beforehand u would have ur answer before going on a date

[DryGermanGuy]

"Remember what Mom always said: A handshake is as good as a hug."

- Dr. Niles Crane, Frasier

[bowenw]

You are right for waiting. It is a good way to weed out the guys who are players and only want sex.

[slatyb]

Do what you feel. I dated my wife for a couple of weeks before we kissed. But when we did, it lasted an hour.

[CountryWanderer]

You are right in whatever boundaries and pace you want for yourself in a relationship. The right guy will respect that.

[NathanDavis]

that's quite normal

[eagle1951]

old school