Should you expect to feel a romantic connection on a first date?

Question

I recently went on a first date. Long story short, it went well and everything. Then hours after the date, she hit me with the "didn't feel a romantic connection" rejection.

Is it fair to say this after just a first date?

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

It really depends if you’re unsure of how you feel that’s what second or third dates are for. Now, don’t waste your time and especially don’t waste someone else’s time if you’re just not that into them. But those first few initial dates are to see if you’re compatible and see what feelings may or may not develop.

As long as you’re honest with one another you can see if feelings materialize but also don’t string them along if you still don’t feel anything as time goes on.

Now as far was what she was saying she’s being honest and I assume respectful about it. Respect the fact that she was respectfully bunt. She didn’t waste your time, didn’t lead you on, didn't beat around the bush, she’s not wasting her own time and she’s not wasting yours.

This doesn’t mean she’s rejecting you as a human being. She may like you and respect you as a person but just didn’t feel any romantic connection. Not everyone will even if you’re more universally attractive. You’re not meant for every woman and every woman ain’t meant for you. That’s why people have to date…. Trail and error to finally find who is right.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Accepted Answer

It's 32C/90F, excuse my language and lack of patience 🥵

What the actual fuck is wrong with this formal dates culture?

Why are you participating to this mad circus? What makes it so attractive to you? Why are you sitting politely, waiting for someone to confirm or disconfirm their "romantic connection" after some sort of boring job dating? Who exactly pressures you to become a file to be evaluated, tell me who.

Tell me why you couldn't just talk to people normally, and form connections naturally, the simple way, like millions of other people on earth.

Why?

Please why torturing yourself?

Good, now, I have reached the state of DrPepper12, I'm asking too many questions in a row.

Vevv123 · Accepted Answer

A date doesn’t signify someone will feel a romantic connection. A true connection develops over time as you get to know someone. If you haven't had the chance to communicate or bond before your first date with them, it's unlikely that a deep romantic feeling will emerge magically. Actually if someone feels an instant “connection” without any talking that might even be a red flag because they haven’t even gotten to know you well and they might be basing their feelings on the wrong things or have the wrong intentions.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Possibly "puppy love"/crush (which prompted you to ask the person out to begin with.

But usually the "tingles" are more generically physical unless you get really into a great chat (in which case you have BOTH physical and emotional "spark" which is perfect lineup for a second date).

MrOracle · Answer

Unless you have known this person for a while before the first date, you should not assume that there will be any connection. Often, there won't be. That's one of the things you are trying to discover on early dates.

This is exactly why your first couple of dates should be inexpensive and should be focused on having plenty of time to talk with each other. You hope a date goes well, but you also need a date plan that allows for either of you to bail out quickly and easily. Imagine being on a date and discovering that the girl is crazy - you don't want to be an hour away home or have to drive her a long way. Likewise, she might want to cut it off early and you need to make that easy.

Coffee dates, ice cream dates, picnics in the park, or maybe darts/pool at a local bar might be good for early dates. Save dinner dates, concerts, and similar events for committed relationships.

You want to make sure she is as interested in you as you are in her, and treating a stranger like a girlfriend/wife is not the way to maintain that balance.

It's not always going to work out, so you need to expect that and calibrate your plans accordingly.

HawkPerception · Answer

You'll definitely feel if there's a connection. When you communicate the same way (conversation flows) and you have similar views, interests, sense of humor, etc, you'll feel like they're compatible.

On the other hand, when if conversation is dry/doesn't flow, and you have nothing in common, you likely won't feel any compatibility

Simslover92 · Answer

You should certainly feel something on the first date. If you don't feel anything then there's no need to proceed. She did the right thing if she didn't feel anything.

Miristheiss · Answer

LOL.

People in the degenerate west, (endless hookups and divorces) put WAAAAAAY too much stock in "feelings". I gotta "feel". I didn't "feel" it.

I was madly in love but then, after time, I "fell out of love". Gotta move on. Break up the family.

I started having "feelings" for some new guy or girl so I had to break up the kids home. What else could I do. I had "feelings"?

People should spend a whole lot more time seeing if you have compatible values and views and life goals. If you have compatible goals, values, morals but you didn't have "butterflies" after a 2 hour meeting. You see them again and get to know them more.

Dating has become a feelings quest and a "just have a good time" pursuit verses vetting for a long term partner. You know they don't have any traits for a long term partner, you have conflicting value systems but they were hot and you had feelings so you had to let them knock you up.

LOL, feelings... they always change. No one ever feels the same every day. People in the west put WAAAAAAAY too much stock in feelings and getting butterflies and feeling in love.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Some people may use the word "romantic connection". Someone else may use "chemistry" or "vibe". Bottom line she wasn't into you. It happens. Accept it and move on. Be happy she was up front about it and you only wasted one date on the wrong person. Now you can focus on finding the right person.

But to answer your question, should you feel a romantic connection? Well yeah, there should be some sort of romantic interest. Why did you ask her out? Why did she accept? I mean, she may have been taking you up on a free meal on a Saturday night when all her friends were busy. That certainly happens. But in "normal" circumstances, 2 people date because there is at least the promise of some attraction. "Love at first sight" is a stretch but there should at least be the thought, "yeah, I'd sleep with him / her", bouncing around in your brain.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Well, if the lady who told you that feels that way, then that is a priority for her. She wanted to feel a sort of "spark" in order to continue with it. I think it is an individual thing. Other people might view it from the point of view of life goals and common interests. I was dating a lady last year who I felt the "spark" with but we had differing long term goals as to where we wanted to live, etc.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s more than fair, it’s the right thing to do. When you’re on the dating scene and very intentional about wanting a relationship then you’re not going to want to waste your time giving people chance after chance. You may feel like the date was great just because she was polite and friendly, maybe she even gave you a kiss if you two had drinks. But if she didn’t feel the spark it’s best to let you know rather than string you along.

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Nikki1989 · Answer

I don't expect anything much from men. 90% will never deliver. You have to date many and date often to find success.

Alex-Snow · Answer

I think it takes way more than the first date to achieve a romantic connection. She just may have felt the chemistry was not there. What do you think went wrong?

fonduegirl · Answer

I wouldn't go on a romantic date if I didn't like them romantically. Maybe that's just me

rachel776 · Answer

i did but it took a year to get to the first date 🤷‍♀️

worldscolide · Answer

Nah you dodged a bullet. If she's not willing to get to know you beyond a first date, she's unworthy of your time.

beenherebefore · Answer

Naaaah. I expect to feel attracted to you but not a romantic connection.

Anonymous · Answer

Some people either feel it or they don’t right away. That’s their choice and totally valid.

LiamJHayden · Answer

It is up to the individual. I never would, but some will.

Bloodparadise · Answer

If she didn't feel it, then maybe you should start seeing others 😲

blackeagle007 · Answer

If you two don’t click after date #1, I see no point going further

SuperZonicGUY1992 · Answer

Not if she's a Republican , Maga Trump fan.

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

I guess it's another way of saying she didn't feel butterflies?

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe she understands u just wanna hit and quit

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Very much so. She's a girl, I'm a boy !!!

Anonymous · Answer

It's possible, why not...

Pterodon · Answer

No I don’t think so

Should you expect to feel a romantic connection on a first date?

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