Girls, being playful vs being playfully mean?

[Anonymous]

This girl that I kinda like is the shy type but she will open up after getting to know people, the thing is that I've known her for a while and she still seems quiet and nervous with me. She is usually playful to guys she knows, she talks and jokes and laughs with them and seems very relaxed. When I talk to her she is still "playful" but she is a bit on the "mean" side (I don't really mind it) but its just the way we interact, we are still playing but she doesn't smile that much and she tries to make everything she says seem serious. If I ask her why she is being mean to me she will say "why are you annoying to me?" and things like that. She also has a tendency to shush me when we argue, I ask her "what happened to freedom of speech?" and she will say "I just added a new amendment so I can tell you to be quiet" and things like that, I know she is joking, but she makes it sound "serious" its a lot of fun but I want to know, what's the difference between playful and playfully mean? I've never heard her be like that to anybody else, she is actually pretty nice.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all the answers! I saw her a couple of days ago and, well, she was way too nice and smiling and giggling at everything I said, which is odd since I usually have a hard time making her laugh, we'll see what happens

[supsam05]

Hi,

From a guys perspective I totally agree with blumercury's comment! She totally digs you my friend!

You see, she treats you in a different way that other, that is a major sign,. Ask yourself why would a girl that is so playful and flirty with other guys would be mean to you,she is most certainly a good girl. In my experience shy girls tend to be that way because they are try not to show that really (that is mean but quite through) she could be easily stepped on. She tries to make you feel smaller in your shorts so she feels she's ahead of you and even if you want her, she is not going to let you in that easily. that is a massive sign and I think she tries to make you jealous of other guys by being all flirty with them.

My suggestion would be to fight her at her own game, don't give her as much attention, be a bit distant and if you guys argue, don't put up a fight just say that she is right a move on, like you don't care about the debate. BE SURE SHE FEELS THAT YOU ARE LESS INTERESTED but don't be too distant lol or else she will walk away.

You will see she will start to come back to you

Next step: Invite her to spend time just the two of you ALONE!

You will see she'll come running very fast. But be sure that once she begins to be more soft with you that you invite her somewhere nice like a bar where you can take a drink and go take a walk after, choose somewhere nice like a park or near the water. You will see that she will LOOSEN UP a loooott! Have a playful conversation with her, and then I leave the rest to you ;)

PS: In my comment I intend that she likes you so I gave you some tips to make her fall even more for you, but maybe she just hates you and don't want to talk to you!

HAHA just kidding she's totally into you

Good luck my friend and remember that flirting is just like a game! Got to play it right!

Sam E.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer. I agree with you, I have noticed that there are times when I stop talking to her or either me or her get "mad" and stop talking to each other that she will be extremely "soft" the next time I talk to her (sometimes its days) and be nicer but after a while she will start being different (its like she realizes she is being nice and just stops and goes back to being sarcastic). Sometimes it feels like she hates me, but when I see her big smile I tell myself there's no way lol

[supsam05]

You are totally right, its a 100% sure she likes you just go for it try to be alone with her and give her compliments when she starts being mean, tell her something like "stop being mad, I love when you smile" or " stop being so sarcastic, I know you like me deep deep inside you" something that will make her let her gards down. Girls can't stay mad when your nice to them they feel bad, and when she softens up don't let her go back to her old attitude that's why you need to spend quality time.

[john5246]

That is some awesome douchebag advice my friend

"be sure she feels that you are less interested", so now you have to fake being how you're supposed to act?

Ok, what if she gets the same douchebag advice, now she acts less interested, then to counter her...he acts LESS interested, pretty soon there's nothing left and everyone hates each other.

If you have to fake how you are to get a girl for the sake of humanity just move on to someone who ACTUALLY like you for you. You will find someone!

[gemglam]

Lol great advice man. Ignore the girl and she will want you more. I reckon he will never get laid if he does that. Not to say that's all he wants.

[supsam05]

Ok, I understand you're point of views. I didn't say to ignore her I said it's all part of the game it's back and forth. Just remember that relationships and flirting is a complex task that require thinking more then "for the sake of humanity just move on to someone who like you for you". I'm sorry but YOU HAVE TO FAKE that what courtship is all about, do you think the girl in the scenario wants to be mean to him? Seriously you guys think we are in wonder land or something? You gotta play to win

[Anonymous]

she likes you but based on your description of what she is doing,I guess she is trying to be dominant one in the relationship.

this only happens when the guy in the relationship is not dominant enough.

you are not leading her but falling into her frame.

she likes you now but she will soon loose attraction for you.

start taking charge of the relationship.remember as a guy you are the most important person int he relationship.you have to lead the woman

[acka72]

Yes. Ask her out take charge. However its the woman's job to make you think that you are in control. The hunter bringing home the price.

[Asker]

Nah, I am dominant. Like I said in other answer, I'm giving a description on what she does, but that doesn't mean I just sit there. We have arguments sometimes because we don't rally take crap from each other and we can take it too far, this has been going on for a while, so I don't think she has lost any attraction.

[blumercury]

yeah she probably likes you. I always am super nice and flirt with guys I don't like because it doesn't matter to me how they feel about me. I can joke with them and laugh and be however I want to be and if they don't like me I don't care. but if I like a guy I'm a bit more guarded and I feel shy and like I can't say the things I want to. I suggest being a little mean back. have confidence when dealing with her to kind of let her know you can handle her. if you just let her shush you without retaliating and stuff like that she will probably walk all over you. let her know you're a big boy and don't need her attitude or something. of course keep it joking and friendly. but just imagine you are in one of those teen movies where the guy has to be sure of himself to win the heart of the girl who doesn't need anyone. you know, slightly suggestive comments that are never finished, teasing her, saying things like "you think I'm cute huh?" and leaving her speechless, and looking at her without getting nervous and looking away when she catches you. haha. this girl calls for you to "be a man" and (slowly) take control of the situation.

[Asker]

I take control of the situation and I don't let her to walk over me, I'm just describing what she does :P. I just don't know why she has to be so difficult with me but relaxed with everybody else, maybe its what you say about being shy but for a shy girl she really can talk some trash haha.

[blumercury]

ok. ha ha then you're doing right. some girls just like talking trash because they want you to talk back. I'm like that too. I think showing her that she can be relaxed with you too is the key. work on getting her out of her shell. aww this is cute. lol

[Asker]

haha I know. SOmetimes we are "done" arguing and I walk away and she would throw some sarcastic comment like trying to get me to say something back. I'm like "what did you say?" and she is all "oh you heard me" lol

[blumercury]

i think it'd be good to ask her out. in the middle of her trash talking tell her she's cute haha. or don't even ask her out. TELL her she's going out with you at such and such time at such and such place. let's see if she can even open her mouth then. haha

[supsam05]

I really like your idea! Just tell her that she's going out with you! Impose yourself haha

[blumercury]

haha. yeah I just know that's what I would want a guy to do to me. >_<

[Patientlywaiting]

I would have to say that she is not into you. I know they say you hit the one you like but those are pretty harsh words only toward you. Or it could be that, this is how she flirts. Either way if you want it to stop you need to tell her. Regardless if you stay friends if you don't like it speak up. Just say hey I know that you doing that is like your thing but I don't like it so please stop doing it OK. Honestly it seems ( now I don't know the whole situation) but what I get is she feels a need to emasculate you for some reason. Just my thoughts good luck.

[mormollio]

lol I do this alot. I have to be careful because some people think I'm being serious. Just look at her if she's smiling she's kidding. If she continues the conversation she's probably kidding.

If she wanted to be be mean she would have told you to shut the fck up and left it at that.

[moisha]

This gyal is totally liking but she doesn't know how to act hihihi shy is just not comfortable... and also one thing, she is trying to be the boss. I know that because that girl is like the version of me. I do the same thing. I I really like a boy I do two things, I get really shy or I try to be a tuff puppy, a little dominant. I don't know why but that's what I do, can't help meself. You need to talk to her in private and tell her that you like her and that you want her. and is she reacts good make sure you tell her that she needs to be sweeter to him and stop the meanfull teasing! that meanfull teasing is like a shield, believe I know what I am talking about. GOOD LUCK ( is she a scorpio?)

[Anonymous]

i can relate to that and see myself doing that, it just happens around the guy we really like, its like being defensive I guess, sometimes we don't know if we can trust the guy if he really likes us or not, so we hold our guard up, its honestly unintentional sometimes I don't even want to be in that position but it just comes out of my mouth because I don't know I'm scared? that he won't like me or he's just playing games with me? so I'm gonna hold my guard and be mean to test his feelings...

i remember the guy I used to like I accidentally called him a jackass once, I really felt bad about it too and regret it, but in turns out in time he really was just playing with my feelings so now I don't feel bad haha

[Lovelesspassion]

may I ask you something.. I had a girl doing this exact same thing..

and even to the guys she dates she's happy go lucky.. but with me she's nervious and acts like his girl.. but dosnt want me more then a friend.. but says stuff like "I do like you just not as much as you like me" but won't explain it.. she will ignor that I asked her to explain it.. but then she will go and find another guy to date.. what gives any ideas?

[Opinion Owner]

thats odd, she doesn't sound stable and doesn't know what she wants, I'm not like her at all if I really like a guy I set my mind on him, the guy I called a jackass I really liked him with all my heart and didn't like any other guy for years. I think you should just move on from her she sounds hot and cold and her feelings if theyre not 100% than you can't trust the person

[lilmsmuffet]

She likes you.

I'm guilty of doing this too. I'm fine joking around with everyone else, but when it comes to the guy I like, I feel like I don't know how to joke with him like I do with everyone else. I always feel awkward and nervous. You should open up to her and let her know that you like her.

[RedheadGoddess]

I'm really shy at first to, she actually sounds the exact same as me. And from the sounds of it she likes you. She sounds like she gets nervous when she talks to you and doesn't really know what to say or how to act so she is kind of putting up a front. That's what I do anyways when I like someone. I'll be around a bunch of people and be totally fine and as soon as someone I like starts talking I get all flustered. It's her way of flirting I'm pretty sure.

[kelsay333]

That's probably the way she shows she likes you. Kinda like how people would say in Kindergarden if a boy pulled a girl's hair that meant he liked her? Kinda the same thing here.

She either feels comfortable enough to tease you like this, or likes you and doesn't know how to act around you so she guards herself by being mean.

[JessyGirl]

She sounds nervous. It's impossible to judge the interaction without witnessing it but I'd be more inclined to think she likes you and is being playful. It's unlikely that she would go out of her way to explain herself or even talk to you at all if being playful wasn't her intention. If she was being overtly mean, I think you'd have a clearer sense of that.

[gemglam]

Lol@ I just added a new amendment... that is funny as hell. She may like you and is more serious with you because she doesn't want to give it away. Ask her out although she might be scared and say she cant. I used to put up my guard like that so I wouldn't get rejected. Shyness can be a blessing and a curse. Cut her some slack.

[alwaysyoungatheart]

She likes you, HAha sounds like she thinks like me, Its easy to be yourself around guys you don't like.. sure, but someone you feel stronger feeling for, or a sensitive spot for them you don't know how to act...thats how I am, once I finally meet a guy I know loves me I won't be afraid to open up to him can't wait for him ! ?

[DishLady]

Honestly, if you're into her, you should find a quiet, private moment and just ask her if she likes you (and possibly if she'd like to go out while you're sitting there). If she jokes it off dismissively, then you know she's just been teasing you.

[amanda32]

Perfect! So perfect!

Can somebody please answer my question? I don't have very many replies and I need advice bad

heres the link:

link

[helpha]

She likes you.

I think, if I were being playfully mean, I'd want a guy to catch on and ask me, when we are alone and not in big crowds, if I like him. And things go on from there.

Do not say mean things back, though, or she'll be turned off.

[Telia]

she is very guarded around you, which usually means she is trying to protect something. I think she is trying to protect herself in this case. she is kind of worried about opening herself up to you. I think that she digs you. this is how some girls flirt with guys they like. now, the question is what will you do about it? ;-)

[InMyHeart]

that's probably cause she likes you. like, maybe she's nervous and comes out playfully mean unintentionally. dunno, I'm usually extra nice to the guys I have a crush on.

[Asker]

Not here, she is extra nice to everybody else but me, not even a LITTLE nice. I mean, I know she is just teasing but she rarely is nice. From time to time she will remind me that this is her kind of humor, but she never uses that kind of humor with others, so I don't know if she is lying or what.

[InMyHeart]

that's the thing. the fact that she's not like that with any other guy can be sign of her liking you. everyone's got a different way of showing someone that they care. hers might be being playfully mean to you.

[urbanchic]

She likes you but she is guarding herself by being mean. She is just not ready or doesn't know how to open up to you.

[AmberChick]

I agree that she is just teasing you and probably likes you. If you like her you should ask her out for real this time

[Burnie198921]

I think she likes ya... But doesn't know how to show you.

[Anonymous]

she feels comfortable and connected with you. You can be playful with anybody, but playfully mean takes a certain type of person and a connection, not everyone is comfortable with that type of humor

[iloveyouto]

Well she is playfully mean because she actually likes you I should know I do it all the time

[Bmoresweet]

She likes you but when she's alone with you gets a little nervous so try spark up a conversation that's easy and not a hard one, something that will let yall laugh and relax so she won't be so nervous

[lemond]

She got lotta nerve on you man! Don't let 'what's the difference' thingy bother you, just approach her little bit closer and you will get all her clues!

[ilovehim1523]

Well, I know that sometimes when I like a guy, I act completly different. And I can also be mean to guys I like. Trying to act like I'm cooler or better then I am. So maybe this girl is into you.