I just found out my crush wants kids but I dont☹️?

[Anonymous]

[Zack-Bann]

I know you’ve probably heard it before and unfortunately you’ll likely not believe it


No one wanted kids at 18 (or under)


Except for a few very family oriented people.


But most parents today probably swore they would never have kids no matter what


The truth is, your priorities will change as you age
It’s inevitable


It’s not even an “old person” thing


Most people start thinking about kids in their mid to late twenties.
Which comes at you fast


Now this guy is your crush therefore not your boyfriend
You don’t owe him a thing
You could walk away and later wonder about the road not taken


But my advice would be to go for it anyway


Let him know that you’re not planning on having kids and he needs to he ok with that


He will ask “what about later on in life”


You can tell him you make no promises and don’t plan on changing your mind but you can’t speak for your future self either that’s all he’s getting


If he sticks around that means you chose you over the prospect of kids


And if or not you end up having kids later that will be your choice and your business

[Asker]

Yeah nah im not having kids after everything I've heard and seen about childbirth and pregnancy…

I dont think i should get into a relationship knowing it’ll end, it will just hurt even more when we have to split ways when we need to follow our own path, u can't just wait around for the other one to change their minds.

[Zack-Bann]

Every girl I ever knew growing up said the exact same thing
And we believed them

Most are mothers now

Not saying it’s guaranteed that you’ll be one because it’s not

But what’s guaranteed in life is: there is happy and there is unhappy

You like this guy
And you’re willing to push him away
That will make you unhappy in the long run

The next guy might be the same way, and the one after that

Even if they tell you they don’t want kids who knows if they change their minds later

I can tell you as a guy myself I swore I would never be a father no matter what

Today I’m a lot more open to the idea as long as it’s with a woman I love

Tomorrow I might want kids regardless of love who knows

It’s too hard to speak on behalf of your future self and be right

[Asker]

Personally i dont wanna rip open my vag for a kid i won't love. Id be a horrible mother.

Still, u can't just wait around until they change their minds.

Well ur not the one birthing them, so no.

[Summeroflove]

It comes down to compatibility. You’re young…. You can date to see where it goes. But compatibility is important in the long run.

Sometimes people can work through thugs. Sometimes not. Ask him for coffee. See how things go.

[Asker]

Nah i dont want to lead him on or start something knowing it’ll end in heartbreak

[Summeroflove]

Then yeah. Let it pass

[Summeroflove]

If you started with something. Be direct. Be honest…. You don’t see a future. You don’t want it to end in heartbreak.

And end things in good terms. I don’t know if it’s gone that far yet… and if he makes a move. Be direct.

You’re right it’s better to end something that won’t work on good terms so you can both find the right person

[DishLady]

You're way too young to think about this rn. And how old is this knob of a guy who is talking to an underaged girl about having kids?

[Asker]

Im simply just thinking about my future? He’s the same age as me and he didn't tell me i found out on my own.

[DishLady]

You're both too young to think about this rn. Go to college, get an education, learn about the world.

[Asker]

Simply thinking about our futures lol, my education is fine and i already know about the world

[Sunshinelips]

Why are kids having these types of conversation? Just have fun and enjoy your youth.

[Asker]

Because i can lol, so whats ur advice?

[Taurus_Woman]

When I was 18, the idea of having a biological child already felt strange to me, and now at 36, I still feel the same way. I have never wanted to give birth, and over the years my feelings have not changed, they have become even stronger, especially after developing antinatalist views. And I am absolutely sure that I will never regret it. I know myself well.

People who tell you that you are young and that you will change your mind are probably wrong, because from an early age, many of us already know who we truly are inside.

Yes, you are still young, and you do not need to waste your time on relationships at this age. It is better to focus on your education and career. However, you are never too young to know yourself. If you truly feel that you do not want something, it may stay with you for the rest of your life.

Never force yourself to change for anyone, even if you fall in love, because changing yourself for someone else can feel like betraying your own values. Also, in the future, try to date or marry a man who also does not want children; otherwise, the relationship may not be compatible in the long term.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Under 18 ? I wouldn't worry much at this age.

I don't worry, by default, because, generally speaking, both of you will have plenty of opportunities to change their minds, in any direction.

[Asker]

Im not gonna get into a relationship and just hope one of us changes our minds, thats just stupid.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

In my story, from HS times, I was the one firmly against having kids, and I have been with girls "wanting" kids, wanting them as an idea, they were just not firmly into it because kids were a distant idea at our age. It was a thing for our 30s. So I matched with them.

I can't know if your crush is holding firmly to this idea or not, but you can

[Asker]

but whats the point if it won't last?

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

That is a very personal matter of life philosophy regarding love. Some believe that a breakup cancels the inner value of a relationship, some believe that a relationship has value in itself regarding of its ending

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

*regardless of its ending

[Asker]

well i dont

[slatyb]

That's ok -- you will have many crushes and some will also not want children.

[Alex-Snow]

U are under 18... I would wait. U have ur whole life ahead of you for that. Kids are forever. Make sure it is the right guy at the right time

[Asker]

Would wait for what…? Yeah thats why i won't have any kids

[Alex-Snow]

I agree. Maybe one day you might who knows until then make ur own decisions not ur crushes. He probably just wants sex.

[Asker]

Yeah nah, not from the stuff I've seen and heard lol.
Yeah i guess

[Alex-Snow]

Message me if u want to chat about it

[Anonymous]

Guess he's not your crush anymore is he? LOL Oh well. Next. Girl, you're 18. You don't know wtf you want or don't want yet, more than likely. But if you live in the USA, not wanting kids is a smart move.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like everybody wins here. You, him, and overall society.😆

[Zionne]

then find a new crush lol

[jazzy34]

You’re too young to even have that conversation.

[Asker]

why? I've read a lot about what happens to pregnant women and im pretty sure i dont want that

[Anonymous]

Good for you, now you know important fact.

[wkhan_87]

Talk to him

[Asker]

Whats there to talk about?

[wkhan_87]

That you don't like kids for now

[Asker]

And i won't in the future either

[wkhan_87]

Sorry, i just noticed your age..

[Asker]

what about it?

[In_Trance]

Alright