She made her move, now what?

[Anonymous]

A co-worker with a boyfriend really likes me and has shown this quite explicitly. From the moment we got to know each other there was mutual interest. We really get along well, but soon it became clear she had a boyfriend. She mentioned him. Nevertheless it was clear sghe really liked me in a romantic way. Still, there was no flirting.

Since a month she has started flirting. I know when a woman is flirting, so I responded but I held back a little because of her boyfriend. Her latest flirt was to press her breasts quite firmly against my body while talking to me and touching my hands briefly. I felt it but I kept on talking normally and smiled at her.

Then she backed off, and we finished the conversation. I saw her face and she was a bit distressed. Could it be because she is feeling guilty towards her boyfriend? I really like her and I would like us to be a couple. So, how do I overcome our last moment when she felt a bit distressed.

[HollyK21]

One thing to keep in mind is that just because someone’s in a relationship does not mean they’re in a happy one. She may not be getting the attention and doting from her boyfriend anymore that she used to, and now enjoys getting it from you. All that flirting and stuff makes her feel as though she’s still got it. However, I don’t think she intends for it to surpass that because at the end of the day, she isn’t leaving her relationship when she’s got clear indicators from you that you’re interested.


I also think it’s important for you to make note of what she’s doing behind another man’s back. It may be fairly harmless and playful for you because you’re mentally keeping that boyfriend-boundary in place, but just know that if you got your shot, you wouldn’t be above what you’re experiencing first hand right now. You could say she’s so nice, she’s so this and she’s so that, yet as you see, none of that is stopping her from being trifling behind her partners back. Mind you, she’s got full freedom to leave him if she were really unhappy so that she could explore her options, not necessarily with you but just in general. Instead she selfishly wants to have her cake and eat it too. She gets to have a guy at work flirting and making her feel like the hottest thing walking, then clocks out and goes home to whatever he does that she isn’t ready to leave. Not a very good woman to set your sights on.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[DishLady]

The innocent/distressed act could be something she does to kickstart your defensive mode. She's probably done that to every guy she knows since she was little. Don't fall for it. If she's taken then she's taken. Don't be an enabler to cheating.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[ManOnFire]

Please don't do it, my friend. Siggghhh. Here we have yet another situation of a woman in the workplace in a relationship she's not happy in, and ready to pounce on a guy at her job.

All that stuff she's doing might feel good and flattering, but it can be incredibly dangerous for your job as the guy. She's flirted and made it clear she's into you, but you really never know when/if things with her boyfriend suddenly take a turn for the better. Maybe they start fixing things, having more or better sex, or just become more serious about their relationship.

And then when that happens she'll start backing away from you. She might even tell you honestly that she doesn't want to do anything with you anymore because her and her guy are better now, but most likely she'll just do the classic thing chicks do where she starts avoiding you or acting like you were the one who did something wrong, and she'll want you to feel like you did too.

It's never worth it to get involved with a woman already in a relationship, and definitely not at work.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[MrChinaski]

Just keep doing what you are doing. It seems to be working. Don't push hard, it doesn't sound like she's ready. But don't explicitly acknowledge her discomfort, it will only make her pull back for a bit, and whatever you do don't apologise. You haven't done anything wrong. Don't disparage her boyfriend, it makes you look weak and needy. Just be yourself and things will work out, one way or the other.

Unless there are children involved between her and her boyfriend (?) I see know moral qualms with that approach. She's an adult. She can make her own choices.

[MrChinaski]

At least that is what I would do were I fortunate enough to be in your position.

[MrChinaski]

Show her that you liked your encounter... do something nice for her that's low key, eg ask her for a coffee if you feel up to that, and that you are open to going further.

One of the things I love about this site is you have completely different advice from others in this thread. Consider all of them too.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[AviatorTom]

Invite her to lunch and tell her how you feel, in a calm private environment away from work. How she reacts will let you know if she's worth pursuing. However she reacts, be supportive of her.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[laraWM]

I think you should better let her go, and focus on someone with no boyfriend

[Asker]

Probably, on the other hand, que sera, sera ;)

[laraWM]

True

[jshm2]

LOL, she expected you to fight him, and make her your "princess".

That you've done neither makes her think she's the fucking idiot she is.

Best walk away instead of engage in such drama, kiddo. Such girls will get you killed.

[Asker]

I don't know the guy but a bit of competition doesn't scare me. Nevertheless, you're probably right about the drama!

[Alex_Bright]

I had this as well once. She either wants attention or will sleep around.
Expect her to hate you violently if you reject her, in my case she slept around with many guys. I didn't since I thought it was not done in regards to her boyfriend and was treated rather badly for it.

[Asker]

Thanks for the heads up. I think she will start ignoring me or at least seeking less contact.

[molonski2]

Just put her out of her misery and close hard mate , these are the kind of situations you regret later if you don't consummate..

Just create , and enjoy bro.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[MissSunshine2]

Now you decide what yours will be. All is fair in love and war.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[queenofcardio]

Nothing. She has a boyfriend. I'd let it go

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[Anonymous]

You could be the next one to be left.

Never date a woman in a relationship. She would do same with you.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)

[Anonymous]

Why are you being a home wrecker?

[Asker]

Why am I the home wrecker? She started, and I reciprocate. So she must be missing something. Why is it the fault of the person who is being flirted with and not that of the flirting party?

[Enginn]

Now make YOUR move

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. I really appreciate it and will consider your advice, and maybe apply it depending on how this situationship evolves :)