Why would a guy avoid talking TO me but constantly talk ABOUT me to others?

[DishLady]

There's a guy (M49) who is very awkward about talking TO ME directly. He's always "too busy" or goes silent and then reads something I send him at 2-3am. Meanwhile he talks to EVERYONE about me... I'm awesome, blah blah.

This past week was strange. I was at an event hosted by a guy (M45) I've been chatting up professionally for about a month. He invites me to send him a few junior colleagues to attend his event... but then he asks me to join, which I do.

At the event, M45 starts telling everyone I'm an event co-host, etc. I can see why he does this... it ads some legitimacy to have a local person with my credentials there. Fine. It's for the benefit of the community.

But M49 shows up and walks straight towards me to chat me up after weeks of evasion. Acts like a schoolboy with a crush and a (very very bad) haircut -- literally looking like he goofed up trying to shave his own head. He was one of the featured speakers and showed up a sweaty mess, I don't know why. And I could see him watching me greet the other speakers, chat people up, being good under the pressure of an impromptu speech... I was a rockstar (though unintentionally... and frankly if I had known this was going to be HIS space I wouldn't have wanted to detract from his limelight).

One of the speakers is a short woman with no distinguishing features other than her enormous backside (very toned but boy... looks like she can kick like a mule). Anyway, shorty is called to take the stage first... then M49 is next... and as most guys can imagine, he visibly stared at her ass while taking the stage, but afterwards, when he was talking, He kept his focus but then kept referencing ME, which was odd in my opinion.

He did it a few times. I don't know why. Perhaps to stake his claim to knowing me longer than the other guys or something. No idea. (He has a history of doing things like this, which sparked a problem with me in the past. I registered it as "gossip" not "liking me".)

What do y'all think?

[Finchie40]

He sounds like he admires you , and he probably has the hots for you , but is to shy to make a move on you , some guys’ have low self esteem about themselves when it comes to a girl that he is attracted to , and automatically n assume she won’t be interested in him so he doesn’t take the chance. I use to be kind of shy when I was younger around girls’ that I was attracted to but when it came to socializing with a bunch of people, I had no problem doing that , I was usually the one that got everyone talking , so he might be a good speaker but not good at showing his interest into a girl. When I got over that shy stage , it was easier for me to approach girls’ that I found beautiful to my eyes and talk to them without feeling shy. I kick myself in the ass for being shy and wish I never experienced that at a young age. I am not saying I land every girl I pursue but by not being shy has gotten me more girls’ that being shy lol. So if you like him and are attracted to him t , make the first move on him , it’s ok for a girl to make the first move , it doesn’t always have to be the guys’ job to do. Me personally loves when a girl makes the first move on me whether I am attracted to to her or not , because I put myself on her shoes and think how I would feel taking a chance of possibly being denied , no one likes rejection but rejection is better than not having an answer in my opinion

[DishLady]

I don’t like making the first move. I e laid out the very simple trail for him but he does have to be the man and initiate going out etc. I shouldn’t have to manovre him into asking me out. But he sees someone else talking to me and gets all bent out of shape…

[Finchie40]

Then that’s his loss then , most guys’ don’t realize that confidence is a big turn on to a lot of girls’ , why a lot of guys’ do not get the girl that he is interested in because he is a coward. So he either grows a pair of balls or eventually you will meet someone with balls already 😂

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

Generally when a guy is acting weird around a woman, it means (a) he wants to bang her; (b) he's plotting to kill her, or (c) he's her long lost son.

You and M49 are too close in age for him to be your long lost son, and you didn't mention any way that he would benefit from your death, so the likely explanation is that he wants to bang you.

It kinda sounds like he might be shy and/or awkward, and so this would explain why he has a hard time interacting with a woman he's attracted to, while at the same time wanting to talk about you with everyone else, because he finds you so fascinating.

[DishLady]

This was "Most Hilarious Opinion." Thank you, I needed a laugh.

[EveryDayIsPretzelDay]

@DishLady Thanks for the MHO and the compliment.

Maybe the two of you can bang in the near future, if that's something you think you might enjoy.

Or, if you don't want that, maybe you can figure out a way to get him to shut the hell up about you.

[CriminallyInsane]

Baiting you into coming to him to do the talking so he can do it less nervously? If he builds you up enough, maybe you're obligated to go do the talking and that makes it easier for him? He's nervous for a reason so I can't imagine he doesn't like you. He's just too nervous and awkward to express it and is acting like he's in high school in more ways than one lol

[DishLady]

He’s usually v charismatic so I don't know what’s going on with him.

[WhitneySnow]

I think he likes you but is really shy, which is odd because you seem easy to talk to, but some guys really are that shy

[DishLady]

He’s not shy at all. He’s v good at public speaking actually.

[WhitneySnow]

Some guys get really shy around girls they like even if they’re not normally that way. I do think he likes you.

[DishLady]

He has a funny way of showing it.

[whosnumber_1]

I can feel it through the digital web!

[DishLady]

@whosnumber_1 LOL.

[nastyb]

The older your dating pool, the more likely you will encounter weirdos or low quality guys like this. I promise you there is something wrong with him.

[Iron_Man]

Boo…:

[nastyb]

@Iron_Man

Sorry

[Iron_Man]

Hmmm 🤔

[DishLady]

@Iron_Man Don't take it personally. @nastyb has a point. The guy did it again in a public venue a couple of weeks ago... and he's been talking about me but avoiding talking TO me except to text a couple of really boring things about tech... then when he sees me he's beaming like a schoolboy with a crush. It's been very confusing.

[Iron_Man]

I don’t think you really understand. You would have to probably message me.

[nastyb]

@DishLady

It sounds like you just like the attention, you're not truly interested in him. Because if you truly wanted him, you would already be talking to him.

[DishLady]

I've been talking to him... But he doesn't come solo -- head of house etc -- and neither do i. We're not all in our 20s missy. Don't judge.

[nastyb]

@DishLady

things don't happen all on its own. you need to make an effort on your part to make it easier for him to ask you out. Show him some signs you are interested too. Flirt a little. Its not hard to do if you are already interested in him. If he truly wants you, he would ask you out after this

[DishLady]

I believe I've made my interest clear. He's just awkward with me. He seems fine with anyone else, but he gets to me and all he can do is stare and smile and act like a kid on Christmas morning. I'm tapped out of trying with him. He needs to step up a little too.

[nastyb]

@DishLady

yea... its weird. Well, you did what you had to do. If he still can't step up to the plate, he will just stay single.

[DishLady]

Actually I was thinking of you when I called and asked him to schedule time to meet up and shift our energy… I wasn’t sure what else to call it. It’s up to him to choose the when and where, but I don’t want to make an effort for someone who won’t also put in a bit of effort.

[nastyb]

It might not necessarily be that he isn't willing to put in effort. Maybe he just can't because he has issues? Don't want to sound like an asshole but this is the type of weirdos you will likely encounter when you are trying to date in an older dating pool. Lotta these people are single for a reason

If you even invited him and he still can't accept, then there's nothing else you can do about it

[DishLady]

@nastyb you’re right, but I don’t want a younger guy. I want someone my age. It’s not like I’m perfect either.

[DishLady]

I think you both should stop trolling rn...

[spartan55]

This is one of your better stories that unintentionally turned into a post. I'd ask, again, where you find these oddball humans, but I'm convinced NYC is the capital of weirdness.
I understand his strategy, I would do the same thing if I ever wrote a question on GaG. Word gets out that the DishLady is associated with your post/event and your cred skyrockets.
Kidding aside, I don't know what that dude's malfunction is. He just sounds like a social moron.

[DishLady]

Is anyone really THAT MUCH of a social moron?

[spartan55]

Seemingly, I can't be surprised anymore. You must still have that magnet in your purse.

[DishLady]

LMAO. Gee thanks.

[Godihateyou]

You are both to old to be playing this retarded game. Grow up.

[DishLady]

I'm not going to argue with you. But I'm not chasing some guy who should at the very least have the balls to ask me out and talk to me.

[Godihateyou]

He has balls. You just aren't worth chasing. Typical western girl to dumb to know her lack of worth

[Spencer10]

He may be intimidated by you...

[DishLady]

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
What’s intimidation?

[Spencer10]

A good question... basically he may think you are out of his league. Silly but I can see some guys thinking this way.

[DishLady]

So weird. He’s a big tall guy. Why would*I* be intimidating to *him*?

[whosnumber_1]

Why don't you ask him out?

[DishLady]

I’m old fashioned. Plus I’ve asked him to something casual like a friend and he said he’s busy so… be busy.

[whosnumber_1]

Hmmm.. that's not right. Your too good for him anyway!

[DishLady]

Lol. How do you know?

[whosnumber_1]

Well just look at you in your profile pic! I mean you look like you could be Wonder Woman!!

[worldscolide]

I have no idea, seems weird to me.

[DishLady]

I don't know what to think of him at all.

[AgentG111]

Jealous and Shy

[DishLady]

Jealous? He’s always been welcome to ask me out. But now on wood his work buddies sees I’m single and is very obviously angling for a date. It’s not right for the guy to expect me to stay in cryogenic freeze till he feels confident….

(Not that I’ll go out with the friend bc I’m not that sort of woman, but still, in general, it doesn’t make sense to be jealous when he had plenary of chances.)

[Marissa4]

Maybe he shy. Or like you from a distance.