Is hoping to ‘bump into’ a guy you like basically stalking him?

[Anonymous]

So I noticed this guy recently and unless I go to the next event probably never going to see him again in my life.

At the same time I feel lame. Isn't that like stalking someone? Would a guy find it repulsive if he found out that you were hoping to bump into him

Updates

2 mo

Women have you ever done this and has it ever worked?

[MaddieXH]

No I used to do this all the time.
but then I did once actually borderline stalk a guy I liked when I was in school. I used to walk down to the field he lived by with my dog and I’d see on snap maps if he was out and if he was walking down a road close by I’d head to that road. It never worked and I never bumped into him and I look back and creep myself out lol. Of course, I have never told him how obsessed I used to be.

[Asker]

Forgive yourself it's probably more common than you think.

I'm curious though, do you think guys know or suspect?

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, going to a place a guy will be is how you get to know each other.

But then why does it feel wrong?

[MaddieXH]

God I hope he never realised aha.
And I hope it is more common than I think.
My idea was to bump into him and make some conversation but I don't know where I wanted that conversation to go because when I’d talk to him at school I would never lead it anywhere.
I think it feels wrong because it’s on the line between seeking connection and trying to control access to them.

[Asker]

Yeahh I agree. I kind of feel also as women we're taught not to lead and let guys approach us so it feels like we're violating some social norm.

That makes sense I don't think it's creepy I think it's more I don't know. Like it's not very different than dressing up to class hoping your crush will notice - the only difference is there the proximity is there here it's like because it's not there you have to find the proximity by bumping into them.

[MaddieXH]

Yes exactly! Because when I would start a conversation I was just waiting for him to take the lead but he never would. I since found out he liked me too but I’ve never admitted it was mutual to him. Looking back I should have just gone for it.

[Malwi93]

Lmao

[Malwi93]

Is that u in the profi

[Mark_Est]

Dude, it is as wrong as swiping right on a person you want to meet and hang with. It is 100% normal. So you were proactive in trying to spend time with him. Using public info that he posted about himself. Trying to get his private info or peak through his window and stuff like that to his private life would be an issue.

[Mark_Est]

Nothing wrong with little stalking. It is healthy, following them home isn't. What is your gameplan? Just to sit around and wait for him to come talk to you? You women screamed "dont approach us" for years. You need to go upto him now.

[Asker]

I guess I'm concerned that if I went up and talked to him he may find it a bit odd like why is she talking to me out of nowhere.

But you raise a good point

[Mark_Est]

I have been approached by women over 80 times. Only time it was weird was when these two were following me in a gas station and even in the line to the toilet there. Don't do that and you are fine.

Other thing i notice is that women come up but expect the man to close it. To ask for a number or etc. I won't do that, on purpose. You came up.

Just talk to him about whatever. Have been asked about my shoes, the watetr bottle i have chosen, etc. But simplest is "Hi" but if you are nervous, ask for directions to somewhere. Perhaps you dont know where it is or your phone battery is poop. Etc.

[Anonymous]

No. If he thinks the girl is cute, he will not mind. This girl seemed to know my schedule in college. I didn't mind seeing her, because I had a crush on her.

[Asker]

Assuming he doesn't like the girl what would he make of it

[Opinion Owner]

I'd assume he would either be flattered or indifferent.

[Nikki1989]

Are you that desperate?

[Asker]

Not really.

However it's also common sense that the way you get to know people is by seeing them repeatedly.

[karlaatsd]

That method works tho