How do I make myself more approachable?

[Anonymous]

I am smart, intelligent, and funny. I am friendly and like meeting new people, but for some reason I have a hard time getting past the flirtatious stage with guys and into actually dating them. How can I change this?

[AlekNovy]

Great question! I wish there were more girls like you. I really commend you on your question and taking responsibility for your love life. Most women are out there blaming men for not being initiative enough, instead of asking "how do I become more approachable"... So again, I really commend you on this! You are one very cool girl.

====The answer (how to do it):====

This is gonna sound new-agey and weird... But it actually works... I'm sure you've seen those girls who wherever they go they seem to "glow", and all guys love them and want to talk to them (even though they're average looking, ant nothing special?)... Well, its something you can cause on purpose...

So bare with me, or at least try it. Repeat something in your head like "Wow, you are the hottest person I've ever seen, I really, really, really want to get to know you"...

This is just an example line, but, test out a few, and really feel the line you're saying. Try to "act it out"... And see which one makes you *feel* like the most approachable person in the world.

NEXT: Go up to a mirror, look at yourself, and repeat a few of these lines (once you already feel they make something in you change), and notice how your facial expression changes, notice how your body-language becomes more inviting. Notice how you start glowing and look more approachable.

Btw, this technique works for guys too. I use it and when I enter into a room, all female eyes are on me (and I'm an average lookin dude).

[notallthere]

Let me tell you something, It is possible that guys are intimidated by you. This may sound crazy but the only girls that I had no problem asking out were girls that I wasn't really attracted too. When I think a girl is really pretty I always stumble all over myself. I think this may be the reason why most of the girls that I went out with asked me out, and those girls were complete whores.

The bottom line is, if you like a guy and he doesn't ask you out, drop a direct hint that you like him like say, " I can tell we would have allot of fun if we ever hung out" This will show him that you like him and give him an opening to ask you out. If he doesn't then forget him. If you are interested in more of what I have to say checkout my website: www.notallthere.net

[mindee511]

If you're not attracted to a girl, why ask her out in the first place? You just string her along...not to mention, a waste of time!

And when you stated that the girls who asked you out were whores. Were you saying that a girl making a move on a man makes her a whore? or those girls who asked you out happened to be whores? 'cause if it's the former, it IS a harsh and unfair generalization...

[skycrashes]

I think this depends on the situations in which you are chatting and flirting with guys. In a bar setting, it's kinda hard because you know so little about each other and the bar scene is really more of a place to find more... casual interactions. You might try doing something where you're likely to find people who share some common interests. Volunteer someplace (habitat for humanity, big brothers/sisters etc), or take a more casual class (a dance class, or a cooking class - my college had beers of the world.. something like that).

And if you are the friendly type, try asking a guy out once in a while. Doesn't have to be like a 'date'. Dinner and a movie? No. Boring. But if you're flirty and he seems to be reciprocating, tell him you were going to do something anyway (like make ice-cream or go swimming or get coffee/tea or make puppets or go hiking or whatever - it can even be something you were going to do with friends) and invite him along. He could be busy, interested, not interested, or whatever, but what he definitely will be, is free to ask you out to do something now that you've opened that door.

[Phy3dd]

I'm pretty aggressive when I like someone. I find honesty is the best policy in cases like this. When you're dating someone you already begin the process of opening up to each other and being exposed. Even if it's only a little. Just tell the other party your feelings on how things are going. Just saying something like, "Hey I like where we are, I think I want more. How about you?" Gets the ball rolling. OF COURSE, not word for word. Tailor your words to fit YOUR feelings and YOUR personality.

[SenNausicaa]

I get that sometimes, if I get past the flirting stage I do ask the guys they usually think I am out of their league or that I have a bf. If it fails I usually find out they have a gf or wife. If basic flirting isn't working I up the smiling, laughing and add arm/hand touching.

[NoMoreBadAdvice]

It is very easy actually the guys you are interested in are not attracted to you. Men are visual they go for looks before anything. Before anyone tells me I am wrong this is based off of years of field study by my friends at artofcharm.com. Women are not so visual. You need to look for guys that are more on your level or you have to some how show that you are on the level of the guys you want. Confidence is the best way. Sorry to say its about the looks but studies show its about the looks to start off.

[Gregs]

You MIGHT be right, she does say that she is "smart, intelligent, and funny" tell tale signs of someone that does not look that good. However you don't need to be super hot to get guys, yes guys are visual, but guys are also stupid and can't look past looks some do tho and that's when you need to let your personality shine through. A guy that goes for looks alone probably doesn't much self respect for himself anyway or is just looking for a short term goal

[marissab101]

smart... intelligent and funny? Are you looking to win a beauty or a talent contest? Guys want girls that they think that they can bed down. You don't have to sleep with them but you must make them think that there is a chance. Once you have them hooked, they don't let go of the line. Dress sexy, never where cheap perfume and show a little cleavage. They will be all over you. Save smart, intelligent and funny for Mr. Right when you eventually meet him. Typically, you meet a few Mr. Wrongs first but you can have a lot of fun with Mr. Wrongs. Just don't ever make the mistake of falling in love with Mr. Wrong. Enjoy!! Good luck

[Dranay]

So basically you're telling this girl to hurt guys' feelings? Way to go.

[mikess314]

Take the initiative. Men can't be trusted to know a good woman when they meet one. The tides have turned. You women of quality have to make the bold approach. That's not what you want to hear, I know. But there it is. You'll feel rejection, just like we men do. But it won't be as bitter as you think. And when it works out, you'll never be afraid again. You just have to trust this stranger about that one.

[Mike1Corth13]

here's a thought, ask him out. Seriously though I would love it if I knew that a woman likes me. Being, all those things are good and they make me attracted, but I'm not going to make a move unless I know she likes me. Really, because hitting on a girl who doesn't like you is creepy, and I don't want to be creepy.

[mindee511]

You stated you're "smart, intelligent, funny"...well, in my experience and based on what I've read, it doesn't do much for a man. Men are visual. Basically, it's either a yes or no, or "they would do you, or not". Unless you give them a good to reason to want to get to know you. Another thing, men can be oblivious. Try making a move and sending stronger signals that you're interested.

[quinnerzz]

well, I'm a guy, but simply just ask them out. if you flirt with them a lot and are good friends then the next "stage" would be dating. the easiest way would be to be direct and just ask them out. if you're nervous, you have to get over that yourself.

[Anonymous]

A good way to build a guys confidence up to the level where he might feel he has a good chance is to ask him if he is flirting with you when its happening. If he says no, reply "Shame, I was enjoying that" and if he says yes, reply," good, carry on" these both replies will get you past the flirting stage and make him up his game to progress with you, x

[JH5022]

I get what you're saying, I would like to be more approachable and attractive to girls myself. This is a good question. Make eye contact, smile, look attractive, make it seem like you want him to be there with you, be talkative and nice.

[Anikaj]

Hmm I wonder if you are shooting guys down or if they aren't getting the guts up to say something after the flirting. They could feel a bit out of your league after talking to you

[Asker]

They feel they are not good enough for me? (is that what you mean by the league thing?) and typically guys do not approach me at all....they flirt, but they never ask me out....so I never get the opportunity to "shoot them down"

[Anikaj]

Wow that sucks, and yea I did mean like they may feel they are not good enough. But that doesn't matter now, I think that you maybe keep running into guys that are a bit on the cowardly side. That or you are really hot and they think you flirting back is just a game which most guys do believe girls like to play. I just think that by now you should have had at least one or two get the guts and ask you. Where are you meeting them? If at a club or bar try your luck at a coffee shop and vice versa

[Anikaj]

I ask that cause we all know that different guys come out at night than dudes in the day time lol. Most guys at the club will ask out anyone cause they think its open season with all those girls there when little do they know that most girls don't go to clubs to meet guys, they seriously go to dance and have fun right? at least that's what I was told by the girls I know. Guys at coffee shops or book stores usually are a bit more shy and won't do much unless a good convo is struck up

[Asker]

Well, I do not go to clubs or bars. its not my scene. I'm in college so I try to flirt with guys in my classes and stuff but it never really seems to go anywhere even when they do seem interested. I do not generally think of myself as overly hot, so that's why I start to doubt myself. I don't really know what I don't do right or do wrong or whatever....

[Anikaj]

I think this may be the first time I've heard of something like this. Too bad you don't live around here cause I don't like bar and club girls that much. I love the smart types lol but like you seem really cool, I think that maybe flirt a little and then ignore them. People truly underestimate the power of being ignored. With the right person it could really get under someones skin to the point where they come up to you just out of curiosity and you could end up having a great convo and clicking

[Asker]

So I just posted another question under "dating" that is about a specific guy. Would you mind looking at it? It is titled "If he never took me up on my offer, does that mean he was definitely not inerested?"

[Anikaj]

Sure thing, I'll check it out

[Asker]

Thanks for all your advice.

[bobbiejay]

let boys mess you aroundd.. you can tell when one boy is falling for you as he will start to annoy you. just go along with it and slapp his arm with a high pitched voice but soft. (not to high.) get his number.. start textng him, and ask his if he wants to meet up just you and him then keep moving closer then let him make the first move :) then once getting with him a lot he is bound to pop the question

[madismaximus]

just get straight to the point in telling them dont waste time sending out subtitle signals i personally dont pick up on those signs when i met my girlfreind she was straight to the point i said i love u and she said that she was so glad i said it first cause she really liked me 2

[mistermist]

Guys really appretiate when you just flat out tell them. Ask the guy out, some guys enjoy the system being broken a little bit.

[youmadbro1800]

Just be yourself and wsit for a guy to make his move.

[shengming1166]

Hello, I think your living environment and the growth experience of some of your contacts and problem, need to learn some good methods, I wish you success

[skinnyriblover1]

Ask the guy yourself. Sonetimes you need to make things happen

[kutenkinky8_24]

Don't change a thing. The right guy for you will not be afraid to approach!

[pinkunicorn12345]

Smile! just look happier and easy to talk to, don't look so shy.

[Hotheared18]

Try to look more appealing to them try a new look get a sexy hair cut andsoone sexy clothes

[Klaatu51]

perhaps you're kinda... picky?

[Pearl_Girl]

Just get in deep conversations.

[muspelhem_3]

This one is really easy. Invite them on a date.

[Anonymous]

makeup and good clothes.

[Anonymous]

Smile and make eye contact

[TrueblueInfantry]

Not be a bitch.

[kittyer]

it doesn't matter, keep your style

[Juker]

Stop being so cocky.