Girls, what are your feelings about rejecting a DECENT guy?

Question

I asked this before and got some good answers but did not explain it well enough. Here is the situation: A very decent guy, in terms of personality and looks, approaches you to talk; ask for a date; a kiss or whatever. You are not interested for some reason -- his personality, his interests, you just got out of a relationship, or anyone of a hundred other reasons.

OK, remember this NOT a jerk, creep, idiot, etc. So when you reject a guy like this, are you usually 1) comfortable or 2) slightly awkward or 3) uncomfortable?

Please state your reasons why you feel the way you do. Thank you.

NoOneListens21 · Accepted Answer

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW omg T_T I'm so sorry..omg...are you okay? I'm sorry. what I mean...*goes into explanation mode* please try to understand. I'm so sorry...T_T *hugs that last for a million years and sad puppy eyes*

something like that. That is how that goes if you know..we are in a relationship or he has feelings or something like that. If we just met or something I'd be like I just think we would be better as friends or don't think that it would work out between us and I'm sorry. lol.

I really hate hurting nice guys or decent guys for that matter. It makes mi feel incredibly bad. I think I take it harder than they do sometimes because it seems like I'm the one who is getting hurt or what have you. I feel so horrible. I'm sensitive to other peoples feelings if I like them or if they are sweet. It's a whole lot of AWW and sorry and omg and it breaks mi heart. so yeah..hope that answers that question. lol. ^_^

acka72 · Accepted Answer

Comfortable: Because when I reject a descent guy he doesn't know he is being rejected and instead he finds himself rejecting me. So what I do is call him every 10 minutes, send him sappy flowers every day with a sappier poem, then I tell him that I want five kids with the names Elroy, Rory, Monroy, Evelina, Tina. Also I talk about all the previous relationships that didn't work out and how all of the dudes were jerks and how I am such a loving and giving person (this is the longest discussion of them all) and then I break down to tears about how men don't love me etc etc.

This way no one gets hurts and guaranteed to work. Most women don't use this to get rid of guys because they try to attract guys this way and that's when they get hurt.

bopeepbopeep · Accepted Answer

If this is a random guy who nicely asks for my number, date or whatever and I for some reason don't feel like it, I would feel slightly awkward about the situation but not uncomfortable. I would feel awkward because I know that it takes a lot to approach a girl and it doesn't feel good to be turned down, whatever the reason might be. So I sympathize.

I don't give a reason for why I'm rejecting his offer IF he doesn't ask - if he asks then I would be honest - and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable since I don't know him that well. I would be polite and say thanks and commend his courage but nothing else unless asked.

psychman · Accepted Answer

I see this happen to a lot guys, sometimes my friends and it's because what you described above can be a normal conversation between friends.  If he treats her like a friend she will only see him like friend and when he asks for a date it's very awkward. Men need to be flirty and sexually escalate for a woman to want him to go in for the kiss.  This is required for her to seem him as more than just a friend.  Also  he could just be boring and she could just be being nice and doesn't want to tell him to go away.  Women will endure a man hitting on her that she doesn't want to talk to if she is uncomfortable telling him to go away.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I went out with a girl for about 10 dates, but didn't really escalate sexually. I think I blew it, because now she just stopped responding out of the middle of nowhere. It seems that if you respect a girl too much, you lose the sexual threat that the girl wants you to push her boundaries and take what you want.

Seashell73 · Answer

I date a guy who had went to boot camp and oddly met up with my high school boyfriend! When he called me and had me guessing who was at boot camp with him I knew pretty well threw me for a loop. My ex boyfriend and present boyfriend was having a grand old time at boot camp laughing over the phone and that just made me feel weird. So it was like I had lost interest. He was a decent guy it was that situation made me feel weird, of course I was just 18 at the time.

But I was sure of what I was doing. I didn't want my current relationship with a guy swing back to high school ex flames, becoming buddies!

originalmountaindew · Answer

I feel uncomfortable rejecting such a guy. I just did it 2 hours ago over the phone because he couldn't meet me tomorrow.

This was the situation: link

Okay so I feel uncomfortable because he's A VERY DECENT GUY. Tall, attractive, smart, clean, good guy. I mean, really, how do you tell a guy that your just not interested? There's no easy way, especially when you actually like people and care about their feelings.

So I felt uncomfortable.

Why did I reject him? I am simply not interested. I can go into details but I feel that it is unnecessary.

Anonymous · Answer

it really depends on the situation and what he asked for.  if he's a guy I've just met and he asks me for  a kiss of course I'm going to say "no."  if he's someone I've known bit more (more than 2 weeks) if I say no its probably bcs I'm not interested.  no matter how hot a guy is, I would reply based on my comfort level and standards.  a lot of guys these days do not get that they are not being rejected, but the proposition is being rejected.  I may say "no" today, but that does not mean I would say "no" next week or that I don't have chemistry.  its never comfortable rejecting anyone.  but I have to keep with my own comfort level and standards.  there is a difference between respecting a person's boundaries/standard/wishes and an actual outright rejection.

Anonymous · Answer

Eh - you don't really know how " decent " he really is until you date him. There are several terrible people who seem " decent " at first, but turn out to be real monsters in the relationship.

With that, you can pretty much figure my thinking on the matter; what glitters is not always gold.

If I reject the guy, is based soley off my own suspicions are just personal circumstance. Anyone you dare fall in love with is a risk within itself. Could be the best person in the world, could be the worse, or something inadequately in between.

All a gamble. Same with guys who reject " decent " girls for whatever reason.

If I reject guy, it's always a bit awkward - no one really gets a rise out of hurting someone's feelings in any way - so yea, it does bother me to turn down a guy a bit.

With that said, I'm not too sweet that I'll just say yes for his sake. That's worse than telling him no in the first place.

rudy37lee · Answer

Just because a guy is awesome, doesn't mean there is going to be attraction.  I know a lot of nice, handsome guys, but it takes more than that.  Getting asked out is flattering, but doesn't make me so uncomfortable I'm going to say no because of it.  I only say no if I really know there is NO chance I'd gave a romantic attachment to him.  Most of the time, that feeling just isn't there.

HotPepper302 · Answer

1) comfortable

If the chemistry's not there, regardless of whether or not he's a creep, jerk, etc. then there's not reason for me to lead him on. I don't have a problem being honest if I know that it's just going to save them more hurt in the long run. False hope is the worst.

Luna-o3o · Answer

I would feel slightly awkward, simply because I'm not the type of girl that gets a sweet guy to confess his feelings towards her.

Guys these are hard to trust. So it would be nice for a guy to prove his feelings are true.

I will try to think of him as my boyfriend but If I really can't see him as a boyfriend, then I will be honest. I don't want him to get illusions then get hurt.

CatholicVirginia · Answer

Okay, if he asks for a kiss, he becomes a creep. I don't just kiss anyone. THAT would piss me off and I'd have no remorse.

But a decent guy - it's sad. I feel really bad. I always try to let him off easy by saying I'm involved with someone else, hoping he won't take it personally. I don't want him to realize he just doesn't excite me, because that's not his fault.

Anonymous · Answer

I feel awkward because I don't want it to be a bad situation, hurt anyones feelings and I don't know how he'll react when he's discouraged. some guys turn from nice to nasty when rejected and some take it well so you never know

glacialacid · Answer

Uncomfortable because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, yet you have no choice.  Decent guys are great, but some people are decent with insecurities, and a woman/man can sense that when they act "needy."

3336PS · Answer

well...going back...i did to a nice lawyer. we went on three dates and I didn't want to waste his time, he asked for kiss on three date. I had to tell him no after and I felt really bad.

chezzldezzl · Answer

I feel uncomfortable but only after I've given them a fair chance. I really like to make friends with everyone, so I try to make it with as little awkwardness as possible. I actually just had this happen. The guy was great, I just didn't feel that connection with him. I still hang out with him and we're able to be friends. I do feel guilty though  because I know he's really into me and I'm not able to give him what he wants.

KaylaBearr · Answer

It's really all about how you feel. Some people just don't mesh well together and sometimes you're just not in that place. It's just since he IS a good guy you have to give him what he deserves. Be honest with him and tell him he is a good guy and you know he will find someone who cherishes him like he deserves.

christy119 · Answer

Feels like sh*t. I'm in the middle of a situation like this right now and I don't know what to do. He's a lovely guy who is perfectly good looking, talented, funny and nice, but I just don't feel that way about him. I'm trying and I know he really likes me and he keeps making all these references to the future and when we'll see each other and things we'll do, but I'm just very unsure. It sucks.

Brainy666 · Answer

If the connection is that there, it can't be forced, and as nice as the other person is, the kinder thing to do is to be straightforward with him. But it does make me very uncomfortable because it's not like he has done anything wrong, there just is no connection, and nobody likes the idea of rejection.

calialltheway1993 · Answer

I have rejected many decent guys, and I hate it. I feel like I lost something valuable in life, especially knowing how much they care(d) about me. I just...hate that feeling.

scnbabe89 · Answer

I don't think girls should every do it because now there are so many ass holes in the world its hard finding a nice guy who treats me right. The girl would be nuts to do this. Some woman just like bad boys because they keep them on there toes.

jadeEyess · Answer

When I reject someone it is usually because I have no chemistry with them, no matter how nice or funny that guy is, I must have some sort of connection with him. I don't understand why it would make me feel uncomfortable unless what he did was in any way creepy or I found him too much, for example if a guy wrote a song for me and serenaded me, I would be totally freaked out, some girls would find that cute and romantic, I on the other hand would not.

rivflo89 · Answer

If I'm rejecting such a guy then its probably for a good reason. When I have done it, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable because I just knew I wasn't ready to do anything and its just another bump in the road

rsweet · Answer

if I'm reject what seems to be a great guy like that then something is really wrong. so I would really be uncomfortable. I would hate to turn down a great guy too

Girls, what are your feelings about rejecting a DECENT guy?

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