Ignoring my message? Why?

[Anonymous]

I've been messaging a guy I like on Facebook for a few weeks now. We're not friends on Fb so it's really just messages.

There's days when we send hundreds of messages back and forth having amazing conversations and then there's days where we don't talk at all because he takes up to 2-3 days to reply.

When I ask what took him so long to respond, he apologizes multiple times and says that he's been busy since he has a full-time job and a girlfriend (don't judge, we're just writing) with whom he lives together.

The night before last we were writing again but at one point he said he was going to bed soon and then stopped answering, usually he says "Good night, sleep well" and stuff before he's off to bed.

He read my last message then the next morning, which was yesterday, (Facebook displays the time the person read your message) but didn't reply so far, plus I noticed just now that he marked my last message as unread (the "seen: xx:xx" notification is gone).

So why would he do this and not reply, he obviously looked at my message at least twice? His girlfriend doesn't know anything about me, so should I pay more respect to the fact that he's not always available for me? Does he not really want to talk to me after all?

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I think that you should pay more respect to the fact that he's not always available to talk to you.

I mean, c'mon, the guy has a FULL-TIME JOB, and (even without judging, this one is the important thing that you need to remember) a (f***ing) GIRLFRIEND. At the very most, you are going to have to take third place in priority, because both of those things should be above others. Especially you, who has a crush on a taken guy. Yeah, it kinda says something that he is talking to a girl who has a crush on him, and hasn't told his girlfriend, but then again how does one explain that?

On top of that, I don't always respond to my friends, right away either. Especially around December, as that's usually a nuts time of year. But even then, I have a life, work, a girlfriend, friends, family, busy busy busy. When you have a life, and people to talk to, and two big things like a job and a girlfriend, time gets eaten up, and one can't always call their friends. Just assume he's busy.

Regardless of what you want, you are not top priority, and I think this is understandable, and I think this is just something you are just going to have to live with. I know this is harsh, but it's true. It needs to be said, and clearly, you already had a feeling before, otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it, yourself.

Sorry. Just be patient, and deal with not being number one.

[Asker]

Thank you very much!

I never wanted to be his first priority since he isn't mine either, it's just that he leaves me puzzled with the things he does sometimes, such as marking my message as unread, it still doesn't make sense to me at all.

But I appreciate what you said!

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I imagine he'd mark them as unread just so he'd remember to get back to them later. Sometimes I do something like that.

[Asker]

A simple, yet astonishingly clever thought haha, you helped me a lot, thanks :)

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

You're welcome.

[Asker]

Can I ask you one more question though?:/ I really don't know what to do next now, it's still about the guy I was talking about above!

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Sure, feel free to ask.

[Asker]

Wow I'm glad you replied so quickly.

So I might have f***ed up. Yesterday we got into a little "fight" because of a misunderstanding, he thought I was mad that he can't respond like every 5 minutes, but that wasn't what I meant. All I was trying to say was that I felt disrespected by him but I didn't get a chance to say it. The last message sent was mine saying "I never expected you to do this?" (Referring to him replying every 5 mins) And he's seen the message but didn't reply yet.

[Asker]

I really wanna explain my situation but I'm afraid I might annoy him even more... What am I supposed to do, should I apologize or say something else?:(

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

I think maybe an apology, and an explanation might help. I'm not sure there's much else you CAN do, right now.

[Asker]

Ok what do you think about this text? (I'm translating it so it's not 1:1)

"Look, I'm really sorry for snapping at you and I understand that you're pissed, I've made a mistake. However, the least thing I want is for us to stop talking. But if you don't want to, I totally respect your decision!"

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

Make it "the last thing I want" but yeah that sounds good.

Not sure how passive you want to be. If you want to be more passive, maybe you can add an "If you ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I'll be here" or something.

[Asker]

Yeah in German it's different anyways :)

I think this sounds too dramatic to be honest, I'll just leave it short and simple. My heart's racing right now :(

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

OK. Good luck though.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot <3

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

No problem.

[Asker]

He answered, thought I'd let you know :)

[Gone_But_Not_Lost]

That's good, right?

[Asker]

Lol yes, yes it is! I thought he was done with me. Especially since it took him days to reply, even though he read my message like a day after I sent it :) I guess I really have to be more aware that he's a busy man haha:)

[avans]

It happens a lot with me and my friends... it just means he's really busy...or maybe he likes you so much that he's taking time thinking what to respond

[Asker]

Hm I doubt that he needs so much time to think of what to say because he likes me so much... I exclude this. But yes, he's probably busy! Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I always say that if someone doesn't bother to send even a short reply, they don't want to talk. Plain and simple.

[Asker]

In any other case I'd agree with you. However, I left details out such as him giving me pet names, asking a lot of personal questions and so on. He's been giving me the feeling that he does care about me..