My appearance contradicts my personality...

[Anonymous]

I have a problem, I am a pretty strong guy. My face is a stern one and when I meet new people it takes a little longer than usual for people to realize I am a really friendly, laid back guy. I give the impression that I am tough and have a "cut the sh*t" attitude just because of my structure (I am fairly large, in a built way) and face.

I feel like any girl that would fall for me would expect the tough guy and realize I am actually just a teddy bear/gentle giant and leave. I have had a few problems with previous relationships and I think that might be part of it. All of my friends say I am the nicest person they know, and when I greet people I pass (just to be friendly) they either get scared, confused, or self conscious.

How can I stop having people think I'm a brute or bully and realize my true nature? It doesn't matter if I smile or not... I already tried that.

[viva_glow]

Awww. I kind of wanna give you a hug.

Firstly, don't be discouraged by past relationships. You simply just haven't met the right girl yet (and trust me, it'll be more successful if you start as friends, especially in your case). The right girl will love that you're a teddy bear despite the rigid structure. To be honest, it's a perfect combination in my eyes. A sense of protection, physically and emotionally. The perfect man <3 (OK, I'm not saying you're perfect; that's creepy... I'm saying that to me, you're a perfect combination encompassed in masculinity and comfort, if all you say is true).

So I'd like to say you shouldn't be worried about first impressions because people will get to know you and that won't be a problem. However, I understand that you're upset because people may decide to, or not to, get to know you based on first impressions. So here's the best I can come up with:

Clothing! How do you dress? Maybe preppy? Dark or bold colors? How you dress will also subconsciously tell people about you. Lighter, softer colors and soft lines will make you appear more approachable, as well as a relaxed collar, and clothing that doesn't fit perfectly tight. You can probably find advice about dress on google... I tried to get some pics for examples but I'm having a hard time finding exactly what I wanted to.

Growing a beard doesn't hurt either. Facial hair makes a face appear rounder, less rigid.

[Ammo186]

really? you make it sound like your a 11 ft tall...I wouldn't worry to much about that..girls like teddy bears...just apparently not the ones you date...unless there's something that happened that maybe you didn't mention...like maybe a guy threw a drink on your woman and you were like "hey man make love not war"...then yeh I can see a disconnect from that...dont worry about others they probably aren't freaken out like you think they are...the self conscience can play tricks on you and make you feel paranoid or threaten your self esteam...just relax be cool and be yourself...hang out with your friends and flit with girls...if they don't like you for whatever reason shrug it off...you don't want someone that just wants a bodyguard right? relax you'll feel much better...

[Anonymous]

And I look like an ugly bitch but I'm actually incredibly sweet and sexy.

You just have to show that you are. I know people are shallow and judge off of appearance right off the bat, I've had problems with this too as I naturally look sad/angry all the time and I'm really not. If you are honestly losing girlfriends over that, then seriously, you don't need them. I know several girls who love "teddy bear" kind of guys; hell, I think a girl's out of her mind if she doesn't like having an affectionate, sweet and gentle boyfriend. That shouldn't be your problem at all, bud. Believe it, exude it, and people will start believing it too.

[blackrose21]

eh people are going to think what they are going to think and you can't do anything about that just continue to be the amazing person you sound like you are. Personally a lot of my friends are like that- look tough but are actually teddy bears. You will find somebody don't worry, I know lots of people (including myself) that are attracted to that and there are probably lots out there- it's more about personality than image though so don't fret anything.

[sarrenodo]

Just continue to be you! Don't worry about first impressions. People are constantly going to judge your outer appearance initially.

And problems in serious relationships because you are a teddy bear? These girls ought to get a reality check. Who wouldn't want a teddy bear as a boyfriend?!

[Anonymous]

yeah my daughters boyfriend is 6'4 and 280 and plays offensive line in football and he's a giant compared to other high school kids but he really is a big teddy bear but she likes it, you'll find someone just have to soften your attitude a bit around people and relax, smile more ;) you're attracting chicks who want bad ass guys and they aren't gonna be thrilled to find out you're not so just steer clear of that type lady and look for the opposite type.

[BrighteyedAsh]

Like Jason Segel's character Marshall in How I Met Your Mother? Because that's what I got from this. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Be who you are! If they don't appreciate that's loss. If its me, I like your combination:) Have faith in yourself. It took me real long to learn that.

[Anonymous]

Honestly that shouldn't matter. I like guys with your personality

[Anonymous]

That doesn't matter, the right girl won't mind.