I don't have a bubbly personality. Does that make me unattractive?

[Anonymous]

So I'm not the type of girl who gets excited for nothing, who is constantly smiling and hyper, outgoing and ultra friendly with everyone. I don't behave in that stereotypical girlie way you can see in some media.

I'm more the reserved and quiet type. I can be attentive and caring. I am polite and friendly but am mostly serious. But I do really appreciate witty comments and jokes. And once I am very comfortable with someone I can be quite funny myself.

Also I don't strive for attention and flirt heavily. And even when I do I am more likely to tease playfully than play with my hair, bat my eyes and laugh stupidly.

Overall I find all those girlie stereotype rather ridiculous. I can't picture myself be like that. Yet it seems to be what most find attractive. So does me being more serious, and sort of grounded makes me unattractive?

Updates

+1 y

I am sorry I may have not expressed myself properly (English isn't my native language)

Obviously I have nothing against people who are positive, light-hearted, and understanding of others. I simply meant that I don't strive for attention as some other girls do when it comes to guys and I don't put on an act once one is around. I don't naturally act all cute and giggle around. As I said, I don't bat my eyes, play with my hair, etc..

[madhatters4]

if you go out of your way to make yourself seem unapproachable then yes that will make you appear less attractive. It's going to take a guy who ignores all your outward signs and take a chance anyway.

I'm not going to sit here and say you are doing something wrong as you should behave the way you feel most comfortable but you may not be able to attract guys in the traditional settings if you don't feel comfortable doing the "girlie" stuff.

You may need to approach guys since they may see you as unapproachable. Essentially you may have to find other ways to make yourself attractive (which isn't a bad thing). Me personally think you sound great, but unless a guy knows that they may only see you as sort of unapproachable. Make sense?

[Asker]

I did say I am reserved and quiet, which I guess in itself makes it hard for others to approach. But I don't understand how being more on the serious side can make me "unapproachable". I don't go around with a "come near me and you'll regret it" look. I smile, I make eye contact and I can show interest in people. I just don't identify with the typical things girl do to get attention. I don't get giggly if a guy talks to me. I don't put on an act.

[Asker]

I know many girls who are completely different once a guy is around. I really don't see myself putting on an act like this just to get attention.

Also I did not understand what you meant by ". Essentially you may have to find other ways to make yourself attractive" what do you mean by this? So if I don't play with my hair, laugh to everything he says, act all cute and sweet, bat my eyes .. I lose?

[madhatters4]

Well I don't think for all girls it's an act and I think it's a little unfair to assume that everyone is playing a game but you. Playing wtih hair, giggling could all be nervious energy.

What I meant by figuring out a way to make yourself attractive is, that you may have to figure out your own way to make yourself appear available and approachable. You don't have to laugh at everything they say or act cute and sweet but can't you just be sweet and cute?

[madhatters4]

If you sit a bar, no smile, and when a guy comes to talk to you you can't nice (or as you call it cute and sweet) what motivation does a guy have to continue talking?

I'm not saying play all the stereotypes. No girl I've dated has played all those stereotypes but they made themselves attractive or appear approachable in one way or another. Smiling isn't faking it's showing interest. Laughing isn necesarily faking it could be nervous energy or honest. There are definite ways to do it

[madhatters4]

maybe you have to find a different method of meeting guys. Maybe you approach a guy or find different places to meet guys where you can be yourself. I don't know where you are going to meet guys but maybe those places cater themselves to the stereotypical methods of attraction and maybe you need to look for a different venue.

For me I wasn't into hookups, or flirting so bars really did me know good. I did online dating and tried approaching girls in different settings

[madhatters4]

I truly do not mean to offend just trying to say that maybe the traditional settings for meeting guys or traditional methods don't work but in my experience I find girls who seem more like you more attractive and I didn't meet those girls at bars, clubs, etc.

[SomeBloke]

You sound pretty great to me :)

[confugirl]

It doesn't make you unattractive, but it won't get you noticed either. I'm kind of like you, sitting in the background and I can tell you that you can be as pretty as you want, but no one will notice you when you act so grounded. Try to laugh more. You don't have to get overly giggly, but don't sit motionlessly in one place. Guess like women that move, look around and smile.

[Anonymous]

"does me being more serious, and sort of grounded makes me unattractive?"

Yeah, in a nutshell, it does.

Even the way you casually dismiss girls who flirt as being some sort of bubbly airhead, shows that you're very dismissive of those girls.

Look at how you describe these other girls :

"I don't strive for attention and flirt heavily."

"gets excited for nothing"

"strive for attention"

"play with my hair, bat my eyes and laugh stupidly."

You're incredibly dismissive and insulting and belittling of these girls. That is also pretty unattractive in my book.

[Asker]

I said I find it ridiculous. Now I have friends that act like this when there are guys around. That doesn't make me dislike them. I do find it a bit stupid but I don't think I am superior to them.

[Opinion Owner]

That is not how it comes across when you write about them.

[Anonymous]

That doesn't really count as attractive or unattractive.

You're already beautiful enough physically.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't make you unattractive, but it's certainly true that light-hearted, high-energy, super positive girls are VERY attractive.

[Asker]

Why is it so attractive? You know to me it's as if I was saying boastful cocky guy who act in that stereotypical manly way are the most attractive...

[Asker]

oh and I am not negative, or looking angry and such. I may have not used the right term. I meant girls that act in a very stereotypical girlie way once guys are around. I

[Opinion Owner]

Girlie girls are hot for a reason. It's what appeals to us guys. Same as "manly men" appeal to most women. If I wanted to date a guy, I'd date a guy. I don't--I want to date a girlie girl.