Why do people assume you're gay if you refuse to approach women?

Question

I'm as straight as a one dollar bill, but don't think for one second that I'm a idiot. Men can be douche bags, I see it everyday. But women are a lot more trouble nowadays than they're worth.

All of a sudden I'm gay because I don't want to spend my life trying to blindly approach women. It's a shaming tactic to make me like every other drone in this messed up society.

Women expect you do everything nowadays and will still say no. I won't approach a woman unless I know 100% sure she is interested in me. It would be dumb to approach a woman who doesn't want to be bothered by my presence. That's a set up for failure.

Oh and women will deny this, but if you're an unattractive male. You will creep them out by talking to them. And I can bet some guys on here will agree with me. Because I'm not a sex crazed moron who doesn't want to blindly approach women I'm gay some people's eyes. Lol that's me not being desperate.

Why do people think this way? Is this what society really think about men like me? I weep for humanity.

kholland65 · Accepted Answer

I 100% agree with you.

For one, I think American women and dating dynamics have changed drastically in the last decade or so. This is probably a combination of cell phones, the internet, feminism, societies apparent degradation, etc. I know its extremely rare now a days that I meet women who I think are even close to being marriage material. Most are still act like they're 13 and have the intelligence to match. For all I know, guys are the same, but obviously I'm not going after guys. I do however think that guys haven't really changed a whole lot so at least that spares women a lot of confusion.

This entire concept of coldly approaching women is something that is really old fashioned and in my opinion is rooted in a time when that was the only way in which you would meet people. To be honest, I'm not even really sure why this became not only a staple of dating, but almost a requirement. Think about it this way, would you meet friends of the same sex like this? No, most likely not. For some reason we have a completely different set of social norms when it comes to meeting people, when the goal is romantic in nature. I wish I knew why this is.

I personally don't coldly approach women and its for a few reasons.

1. It's not natural and typically makes for an awkward conversation.

2. It has a high degree of failure. The reality is most people don't want to be bothered by random strangers. Odds are, your approach won't end well, simply based on this fact.

3. Girls are naturally more defensive towards strangers (aka the creeper complex).

4. I don't want to expend energy, money, or time, or put my pride, ego, and reputation on the line for a girl I've never even met. In other words, if I'm going to do something risky like this, I want to know its worth it. In other words, I'm already aware that this girl is a good match and there is potential for a successful relationship between us. I can't justify approaching a girl solely on her looks.

5. Most relationships where the two people started as strangers, tend to not be as successful in the long term.

Typically the smarter guys don't approach girls cold, and for the same reasons as me. The only guys that tend to do this, are the dumb ones who simply have one thing on their mind. Getting laid. With that sort of singular goal, none of my concerns would theoretically apply. A relationship is not in the cards, therefor only looks and short term success mater. Our society still hasn't quite accepted this fact yet, at least the women haven't. So instead of recognizing it as, good guys meet girls through other social means, and douche bag sex addicts cold approach, the dynamic is perceived to be that the most masculine guys cold approach, and gay or less masculine guys don't. We attribute this choice, to be solely based on his level of drive to have women, ignoring that there might be other logical factors involved.

Stark · Accepted Answer

I dunno, I think it takes balls to approach new people in the first place, and you won't know if they have interest in you or not before you do. If I like the look of a girl, I will approach her and see if she's worth any more of my time. You're saying you don't approach people unless you're sure they're interested in you, but why? Because you're scared of any pre-misconceptions she might have of you? Or you feel self conscious about your appearance? I think they call you "gay" because you seem to automatically generalize all women into the d*** category, when in reality you can't know until you get to know the person. I think the "manly" thing to do would be to not give a sh*t about the bitches and find yourself a decent one. When a guy calls you gay over something like this, he isn't calling you actually gay, he's just saying "bro why don't you pay more interest in girls?". Personally, I'm not a sex crazed moron either, I'm not a virgin but I don't crave sex, more so the experience of getting to know someone interesting. But I know I'm not going to be able to do that if I just sit there all the time and wait for them to come to me.

NoturPrincess · Accepted Answer

It's crazy because it seems like a lot of people are finding it hard to meet someone who's worth their time from the opposite sex lately. And yeah it's sad because wether we admit it or not a lot of people are judged based on their appearances, not only men but a lot of girls aren't approuched by guys just because they're what society labels as 'ugly'.

I personally hate that and would never judge a person based on his/her appearance, to me, personality plays a big role, but it's hard to find people who think like that nowadays.

My advice to you, ignore what people say about you and wether they think you're gay or not, because no matter what you do society will find a way to label you, it's how society works.

So just do what you think is right and if you don't think you want to approach a girl at the moment then don't and people can call you what they want, you know what you are, you don't need their approval.

But not all women are trouble so keep looking, you might just find one who's worth your time.

Bella9191 · Accepted Answer

people view you in this way simply because they know how society generally works and that is that men have to do most of the persuing and if they dont..they won't get a woman. so therefore, you are probably viewed as gay by some people because of your lack of interest to approach women probably translates in their eyes that you must just not be interested in meeting women because its basically the only way to go about it except in rare circumstances. I read a quote that went something like "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." stop worrying about what certain people in society think because no matter how good you are there will always be people who have something negative to say. "you can be the ripest most delicious peach in the world, but there will always be someone who hates peaches!"

AnnabelLee · Accepted Answer

"Women are much more trouble nowadays than they're worth", you say. How do you know, my love? How do you know ANY of them is worth it, before talking and getting to know them?

Most women don't show obvious interest because when they do, most males call them whores, and therefore, also "not worthy". In general, when things are too easy, they f*** them and drop them. Because the fact that getting sex with her was easy for you "means" it's easy for everyone, and having a girl who has sex with a lot of men, is, oh, so f***ing terrible for most guys!

The women who call you gay are probably just insecure because you didn't even try asking them out.

Hamburgers · Answer

Everything you said was 100 percent on point.

Women definitely aren't worth the work. And I also won't approach unless I know 110% she's interested, and even then I might not, because I'm just an anti-conformist like that.

I found out recently that my mom thinks I'm gay, my sister, and I'm sure many others. All because I don't approach women and bring girlfriends home to meet he family and whatnot.

I f***ed my share of women, but they were usually sluts so it wasn't very impressive, and was worth the little work basically. But the demands normal women have are just too much for me to be interested.

martyfellow · Answer

We don't live in a tolerant society, that's for dang sure. If you don't conform to societal norms in the US, and you don't belolng to an ethnic minority where those norms can be very different, you're going to be labeled as crazy, a loser, and/or gay.

And bullied, if you're small or outnumbered.

I'm sure that's what happened to the SAndy Hook kid. He was autistic and no doubt bullied in his elemntary school, mercilessly.

He went back, years later, to that school, with an arsenal that his gun crazy Mom gave him...

I agree with you about approaching women.l I mean, I did that just as a diversion, not expecting any success.

In my teens I decided not to deal with a woman who woouldn't at least meet me halfway. I wasn't going to formally invite out some woman I didn't know at all, who had never come toward ME, a little, at least...

MikeK · Answer

I'm with you 100% man.  Most people are stupid.  They're too afraid to admit that women really are more trouble than they're worth. I'm with you 100%.  100%.

Janson · Answer

Well I don't think that makes you "gay" lol. A lot of women can be handful yeah, but you really should do more digging, because there are a few (even attractive ones) that are not bad at all. The problem with asking these kind of questions on here is that the sexes aren't all that objective. Guys get a lot of flack (most deserved I think) on here, but I haven't run into too many women who have the ability to self reflect. Part of the problem I think is due to the fact that women were oppressed and unfairly treated for so long, the pendulum has now swung to the other side, and overshot its target. Like keeping a ball beneath water. The more you suppress it, the further it overshoots to the upside before leveling off

nerfetiti · Answer

Socially it has been accepted that man do the chasing and Steve Harvey in his books always emphasises the fact that men are hunters and women are prey if you don't hunt the feminine species we naturally assume you must be hunting some where but don't worry man its foolish peoples opinion of who you are and how you should be like.

you know who you are and what you are all about the so who gives a damn if they think you are gay that's their problem and you know what they say we always judge the other person because we recognise ourselves in that person so stay strong and proud

abzence · Answer

This is a little off topic but a way to solve the problem.

I think a quite easy solution to avoid humiliation, embarrassment, rejection etc is to not go in all guns blazing when you approach a woman. You can figure out if a woman is interested in you quite easily simply by saying "Hello" to her. Based on her response and body language you can tell if this conversation is worth continuing. At this point all you have done is said hello, there is no shame in that. The problem is though that most guys are drunk and often clueless when it comes to reading subtle signals from women.

Just stay away for all those classic and cheesy things like "can I buy you a drink" lines that screams "I really want you". Sure you can offer a drink when you have talked to her for like 20-30 min and you know there is interest.

ladyinred4 · Answer

It is sad that people think this way. However, how do you know 100% when a women is interested in you, especially if you don't get to know her? And when you say nowadays women expect men to do all the work, it seems to me this is tradition. In history a women was always considered forward and it was not good to approach a man. Its just they way the world has worked. But is now changing slightly.

I think a good balance is important. If you see a girl who seems interesting, approach her in a friendly manner. If she sees you she can strike up a conversation too.

Effy94 · Answer

First of all that actually was funny to read. Second of all, you seem pretty confident and you know who you are who cares about what people think ? Just keep doing you thing.

And finally not all women are like this, you can't just walk to someone and think they are going to be excited man or woman. And that has nothing to do with beauty. You are as judgmental on women as were the ones who turned you down( I assume).

We are 7 billion on this earth, I may be a dreamer but I believe there's love for all and that love has nothing to do with beauty. There's a lot of good looking people and we don't feel in love with every single one of them.

Ps: I don't think I really answered your questions, sorry.

kalimavictor12 · Answer

Man I totally agree with you. I am an average guy myself and would think the same way. However how would you know if you don't try? I have a lot of attractive female friends. My girlfriend now is a model and that says a lot. So if I can do it why can't you? A popular girl is just on the same level as a regular girl. Those who are not willing to talk to you don't deserve your time anyway. I have a friend who has dated a few celebs and he'll tell you they are just the same as  regular women. They just have more money that's all and they desire the peace us regular people have. Women admire confidence, I had to learn that myself. I say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

ImSoSozzled · Answer

Stark's answer is great. QA, you can justify your actions (or lack thereof) however you want but you're not going to get far in life if you're that scared of failure.

confugirl · Answer

I'm not going to talk about your motives for not approaching women, but whatever you do that's different from the norm, you can bet there'll be someone who'll judge or insult you. That, and the fact that society expects all men to be hyper-masculine and in their minds, that means constantly approaching women. Most insults you'll get, come from their own insecurity. They feel the need to validate their manliness by calling you gay. Maybe that's a comforting thought?

tomfeltonforever · Answer

If you're as ugly as you say, try talking to women more in your "league." Most attractive women will be creeped out by guys who are 5 points below them on the hotness scale (1-10).

To answer your question - it's a logical conclusion if they don't know that you're straight.

crazybastard · Answer

that's todays culture man. our generation is f***ed up. obsessed with sex, drugs, having swag, money and nice things. those few of us who were raised to be normal turned out not to be normal  because we don't fit.

Endlessness · Answer

I get this a lot from women whom I don't show any interest. I think the reason girls say this is because it saves their self-esteem. It is less painful for them to think that you rejected them because you're GAY, instead of your rejecting them for not being attractive. This makes the problem yours instead of theirs. It's easier for them to accept.

Belgie · Answer

"women are a lot more trouble nowadays than they're worth" You want to know why people think you're gay ? That is why. That is a very gay opinion.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

I'm going to be honest here. Unless I approach you, no matter what you look like, I will think you're creepy. You could be God's gift to women and be perfectly nice but I'll think you're creepy for just walking up and saying hi, I'm horribly shy, but if I genuinely find you appealing, my shyness goes out the window and I will approach you.

why-makoto-kun · Answer

Your wide generalizations and negative attitude lead me to strongly recommend that you stay single. You shouldn't date anyone you don't consider to be "worth the trouble."

Dakoin · Answer

I totally agree with you about girls being arseholes. But go after classy instead of trashy and girls won't be such witches filled with bs.

QueenBeatris · Answer

because you don't follow behind what a lot of people consider the norm,..who cares what they think,they are lambs who follow others,u dont

KellyAnnP · Answer

Girls don't always care completely on looks. You don't need to randomly approach girls, but if you do like a girl sometimes its worth the risk to ask her even if you aren't completely sure. What's life without a little risk?

GurlwithGun15 · Answer

That's because all society knows how to do is judge everyone.

Anonymous · Answer

Men need to try or they will possibly never get laid. Women just need to be women and someone will have them. if you don't play their game, be ready for the backlash.

And your right, "creepy" means trying to flirt while being ugly.

brittdo · Answer

I  agree with what you're saying but I must also say for women like me you men make us feel so inferior. I get all dressed up to go out to a dance hall and I realize that my 2 girl friends are beautiful but I'm not ugly   and not once do I get asked to dance while they are dancing the whole night, I am sitting there holding the drinks.Makes me mad which is probably why after an hour of sitting there alone I am wearing the F OFF sign around my neck.

blackeagle007 · Answer

Yikes, this thread does not need to be a trainwreck!  And its immature to call someone out on their sexual preference. Can't we all get along?

Why do people assume you're gay if you refuse to approach women?

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