Why do straight people get defensive when you tell them you’re not gonna be friends with them as a gay person?

Question

I’m inspired to do this based on my last post. I truthfully never had straight friends to begin with in my life being a part of the LGTBQ community and he few friends I had limited my interactions with anyone outside of the LGTBQ community. I posted this same post on the LGTBQ Christian community board and a lot of the folks understood. Is there a law saying that gay people must be friends with straight people? No. If I choose to be friends with straight people they have to be someone I’ve been knowing for an extremely long time and or someone I personally see as an alley for the community. It’s a preference for myself. I rather deal with folks who understand me within the LGTBQ community and have the same beliefs as me.

Anon621 · Accepted Answer

In fairness I think some people get defensive for different reasons regardless of their sexual orientation. And of course there can be a variety of different reasons from them subtly thinking you will try to flirt and date them potentially when then have no interest in you if you are the same gender or the opposite gender as well as other reasons such as maybe they have a negative stigma about people in the LGBTQ community being extremely judgmental about straight people and giving them nicknames like breeders and normies etc. To all straight people reading this message: I'm presexual and I have no reason to judge you or flirt with you and if you don't believe me then that is your choice but please don't let my sexual orientation affect your choice to find new friends I promise you there are plenty of people who won't hit on you and won't judge you so please just give us a chance and don't judge us either I personally want to make friends with people regardless of how they look, sexual orientation, religion, etc.

Pogi-Paddy-2 · Accepted Answer

I don't really have an answer for your question, although I support you because I am a LGBTQ ALLY

Breanna_nonbinary · Accepted Answer

Personally I hate it when a lesbian woman doesn’t want to be friends with me. I feel like so many lesbian women and women in general see me as a man in a dress. They refuse to get to know me as they would another woman simply because my anatomy is different.
I hear so many gay women be upset that people are so discriminated against because they’re gay and yet they turn around and do it to others. They argue that it shouldn’t matter if it’s a man or woman, that love is love, but then immediately say I can’t love you because you have a penis.
Of course not all women are like this but many are.

iboobs · Accepted Answer

Because they really want a “token” friend

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

I’ve never really seen a post that attempts to push the entire sexuality question backwards,

I have a sister that is bisexual, loads of friends that are gay or lesbian.

invariably and I think all of them, I was friends with them first before sexuality was even mentioned.

Also what a fucking surprise religion figures in it, just why the fuckity Fuck can religion just not keep its fucking dick out of sexuality.

what an utterly narrow minded post, and also how to make people feel fucking unsafe.

sorry we need to know your sexuality before you sit at our table.

sorry but can you tell me if your son / daughter is gay, as we are having a birthday party and only gay friends of Derek are allowed to come over, we are banning him associating with any straight friends.

I’ve just agreed to help a friend out and do a full tech upgrade to his house and gardens, oh fuck he’s gay, best I go and tell him to fuck off as I only help straight people.…

fucking seriously, how to put back things back to the 1950’s.

are you by any chance an American?
it does seem to be the utter bollox that comes from across the Pond.

LouFoss34 · Answer

I believe that u should be friends with people because u enjoy being with that person and have similar interests, and so I suppose you probably would have more in common with people within the lgbtq community however choosing to be friends with people purely on sexulaity is a form of discrimination. It works both ways. Most people wouldn't care tho cos if ur being ignorant enough to disregard a group of people just cos of their sexulaity that's not someone I'd personally want to have as a friend. Not sure if I understood what u meant but oh well.

BeeNee · Answer

There is a vast difference between not being friends with people who openly and actively dislike you (totally valid) because you are gay and just not being friends with any straight people because of past experiences with the former. You can't know which you are dealing with if you auto label people, aka, pre-judge people. The irony is that you create that wall that doesn't allow for people to show you who they are first or allow you to find out if they are friend or foe. But such is life, do what you want, you're going to anyway.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Well, its probably because its really discriminatory. Its like saying "no offense, but I just don't like being around black people. Its not you its me, I feel safer around white people.", you hear that and you start thinking wow, this person is really prejudice and tribalistic. Now don't get me wrong its your choice to limit who you interact with, but that also means that because you refuse to interact with those who are outside of your group you don't have the right to demand that they be friendly to you or your group (as you refuse to be to them). You don't get to demand that they respect you because you clearly don't respect them. As long as you can accept that, then its fine otherwise your a hypocrit (and regardless are being prejudice and tribalistic (but again, that is your choice)).

yucychan · Answer

I get it that you would prefer to be friends with people from your community.
You definitely have the right to choose who you want to be associated with.

I am straight but I do show my support for the communities I believed in. LGTBQ is one of these communities. I can't really answer why certain straight people get defensive when you say you don't want to be friends with them. My only guess is that they take things too personal when your intention is that you just want to hang out with people who shares your passion. And that is fine.

Gray-Wisp · Answer

If you're the person from yesterday then it's just like I said yesterday, we're the same but vice versa. I don't think heterosexuals and homosexuals interacting or being in the same society is a good idea. It is better off for both if we're separate. They have their gay culture and we have our straight culture.

CentralPerk77 · Answer

Ok … so no there is no law. There’s no law against disliking black people either. The bigger question is really do you need a law to like people for people? Gay people, people of color (even white), straight people… it’s not like we get to pick those things. This said, yea it’s easy to see how it’s offensive because in reality it kinda is. I don’t dislike gay people because they’re gay… I also don’t like someone because their gay. Why? Because that’s gay. I like the person for the person and if they’re a cool person I might like them :-) … you too could be a cool person - just for now I think your opinions could grow up a little.

DocJones · Answer

It's totally up to you and doesn't make you a bad person. That being said, I think it's a bit of a slap in the face to automatically deny any straight person friendship, at least to say it so bluntly. Remember, there are a lot of straight people on your side defending you for no other reason than they believe it's the right thing to do.
But also it is obviously your choice and you have your reasons so you should do as you see best for you. I can see how a straight person could have a tough time relating.
Last thing and I will shut up. Would it bother you if a straight person said the same about your community?

Sargentcaptain · Answer

I wanna ask you a question. Do you want to live in a world in which people don't care about other people's sexualities, or do you wanna live in a world in which people only care about other people's sexualities. Cause if you wanna say the former, that ain't the world you're gonna get with your attitude. Discrimination based on sexuality is just as bad when it's done against gay people as it is when it's done against straight people.

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Answer

Why wouldn't they? Gay people are trying to gain the support and acceptance of the gay community. Then you are going to tell straight people that you don't want to be friends with them or talk to them because they are straight. Do you see the irony here? That is like all these protests against racism bring held for support and then when they are getting the support they shun them because of their skin color. My work started a group where anyone from the LGBTQ can feel safe at the work place and even if you aren't gay then you can be an ally to help support those that are. This would be pointless if gay people want to shun straight people because they are straight.

madgoat · Answer

We see a lot of polarised thinking and siloed lifestyle nowadays. Race, sex, and here sexual orientation.
It's not good for the humans race which thrives on cross pollination and cooperation.
Maybe you'll eventually work this out for yourselves, maybe the human race is doomed.

BakedBeanieBabie · Answer

Where I feel the disconnect as a person also in the same community is that if it were reversed, where straight, cisgendered people would "refuse" to be friends with LGBTQ+ people because they feel unsafe with them, we'd all be pretty bothered.

Individually, I don't care who you're friends with. But I'm not going to personally cut myself off from anyone based on sexuality.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because some people might be offended if you tell them straight that you´re not willing to be friends with them because of sexual orientation. Doing things the other way there would be a huge fuss about it like them being homophobic or transphobic.
It´s your own choice who you befriend but because sexual orientation is a form some people a part of their identity it´s likely that they get offended.

Uannoyme · Answer

Be friends with anyone you want. It's your business. But you'd be a hypocrite if you got pissy about straight people saying they don't want to be friends with LGBTQ people based only on the fact that they're LGBTQ. You could be missing out on the best friend you've ever had by thinking that way, but it's your life.

Agape93 · Answer

Probably because you’re treating them like how bigots treat us. Not being friends with someone because of their orientation is bullshit and really fucking pathetic.

Daniela1982 · Answer

No, not any more than it's a law that a straight person has to like a gay person. Funny how straights are supposed to be accepting of gays but the reverse doesn't seem to be true.  Giving the Razzberry

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

The bottom line is to do with education. People don't like what they don't understand. Once you take away the mystery of it and it will become widely accepted. I have friends, some of which are weird and wonderful. Am I attracted to them, no I'm straight? but I'm also not threatened by how other people perceive me.

MrNameless · Answer

Why would sexuality get in the way of friendship? I mean that's up to you if you really want to exclude all straight people.

They might get defensive because they don't think its an issue to be friends with a gay person, even if they haven't lived the same struggles as you.

spartan55 · Answer

Don't know what you mean by 'alley'?
I wouldn't take offense, everyone is entitled to who they want to keep company with. And everyone has different standards and criteria when it comes to friends. I've found my standards for friendships have increased substantially from when I was younger.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

If you just wanna live your life, do it. It's not a big deal if you're not political.

Politically, it's a shit move if you're trying to convince straight people to be more accepting and/or to repeal discriminatory laws or to otherwise change their behavior.

Everyone's allowed preferences but it helps to be willing to accept change to impact change.

Why do straight people get defensive when you tell them you’re not gonna be friends with them as a gay person?

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