Why does he ask me to hang out but never follow through?

[Anonymous]

There's this guy and I have a crush on him were just friends though and I kinda thought he liked me but I'm not sure anymore. he's kind of quiet and down to earth and friendly but modest. We hanged out before but it was with other people too but we sticked together must of the time. He texts me sometimes but usually I was texting him first. I stopped texting him because I didn't wanna waste my time and somone who didn't like me and he started texted me first. I asked him to hang out once with other people tho he never followed through with it even when he said he'd go.he asked me me to hang out with just me and him and I said OK and he still never texted me when were gonna hang out. Why does he make plans and not follow through? Why doesn't he text me often? Should I text him this time?

Updates

+1 y

When I did text him first he acted interested and always seem to tried to keep the conversation going. I haven't text him for since the last time and that was a long time ago.

[mukheef]

Becareful not to throw yourself on him.

Guys tend to run away when a girl is all over them. You have to play a little hard to get, don't always show that you're available for him. I personally think it's the guy's job to hunt a girl...If I were you and he's not showing initiative...then !@#$ it. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

[Asker]

I'm definitely not throwing myself at him. I never told him I like him or anything and I texted bik first a couple times but it was mostly to see what everyone was doing that day because we hang out with our other friends too

[toulouse]

its no ones job and plenty of women prefer to t=do the persuing because like a lot of guys they prefer to be in charge of their dating lives.

you can say you're not attracted to women persuing you.

women can also say they are not attracted to men persuing them.

neither one not the other equates to or constitutes it as being the 'mans job'

him agreeing to plan and flaking out ,is him not doing any job at all. he knew what he wanted and had full power to say no. he's not man, he's just disrespectful.

[Asker]

Wtf are you saying? He never flaked he just didn't make official plans and I have no idea what your trying to tell me? Like telling me some guys arnt attracted to women who pursue them and same with women with men like? Is that suppous to be useful? I never pursued him I just texted him like we always do the difference now is I have a crush on him but for all he knows is I'm a friend texting him not trying to pursue him. So I don't know how your comments relevant

[Asker]

Nvm that comment wasn't for me

[June23]

You didn't tell that you like him but your actions can't lie , try not to make him feel that you are over him, have some value for yourself.

[toulouse]

anyone woman or man agreeing to or making plans they don't follow through on do not respect your time.

wuld you think to make plans with someone then flake out? if so then I suppose there's no reason you shouldn't accept it from him. but if you would not treat him the way he treats you, its best to move on with your dignity in tsct. imo.

[Asker]

He never "flaked" he just didn't make official plans..

[toulouse]

Sorry. I thought you asked him if he wanted to hang out and made a plan then never showed up?

@ I asked him to hang out once with other people tho he never followed through with it even when he said he'd go.

Do you mean you asked him arbitrarily without giving him an actual time activity etc?

if you ask you're supposed to tell him where when what. he wouldn't make plans that you initiated. that wouldn't make any sense.

[Asker]

I asked him one time if he wanted to go somewhere because a lot of people were going and he said yes but never showed up. But the rest of the times he asked me to hang out alone but he didn't make official times. The only time we ever hang out is if he asked me to hangout with him and his friends or something that's the only time he makes official plans. When he asks to hangout with just me and him he doesn't make them official

[toulouse]

Well I consider all of that together flaking out-disrespectful. id be more specific but I'm not sure about the order of things.

I.E. :

how long have you known him.

how long ago did you ask him to 'go'

how long after that did he ask you if you wanted to do something-without following through.

where in there did he ask you to hang out with his friends.

id just ask him out to a specific thing at a definite time on a definite day. if he says no, or says yes and does not show -id drop him .

[Asker]

Your right he does kind of seem kind of flakey and he's hot and cold like he's never rude don't get me wrong but one day he will seem into me and the next not really. I forced myself to get over it and I'm done trying we can still be friends but I'm not gonna try to make us anymore if it happens it happens but for now I'm moving on. Thanks for the advice you kind of just made me realize I made the right decision

[toulouse]

oh good.. I'm glad.

and yeah the comments were in response to the concept that making an effort is throwing yourself at someone, as apposed to respecting yourself and acting on your own behalf- which imo (and according to the legal system )- everyone has aright to do... just a difference of opinion.

good luck :)