To the girls who don't want to be approached at the gym, why?

[bDizzie]

I've seen questions where the topic of approaching women at the gym comes up and a lot of girls say they would be annoyed if a guy tried to talk to her when she's at the gym. I'm not talking about when she's in the middle of a set, but maybe when she's walking around or inbetween sets.

My question is why? What's so bad about a guy getting to know you at the gym? Would you rather a guy approaches you at the bar or club where it's more "accepted"? You know that those guys only want one thing... What's so wrong about a guy at the gym, who is showing that he is more concerned about being healthy than getting wasted at some club. A guy who is looking for a girl that is into fitness, not partying. Why would these girls want to separate themselves from a guy who may sweep her off her feet?

I'll throw a poll on here as well. Would you like to be approached by a guy at the gym?

Yes

No

See Answers

[udolipixie]

To the girls who don't want to be approached at the gym, why?

For me it's a combination of:

- He's interrupting my workout for what is likely a waste of my time

- It's unwanted and uninvited and again likely a waste of my time

- I find most male approaches are not pleasant rather they are quite entitled thinking I owe him my time because he wants it otherwise I'm b*tch and narcissistic thinking his unwanted uninvited attention should be oh so appreciated and I should be oh so grateful as if my validation relies on male attraction and when I get old I'll be so sad I don't get the greatness of being valued solely for my looks

- I find most male reactions to rejection are not pleasant rather they verbally/physically lash out quite emotionally and sometimes violently (well attempt to) with beautiful suddenly becoming b*tch or stuck up c*nt.

What's so bad about a guy getting to know you at the gym?

What's 'so bad' is that he's interrupting my work out time for something unwanted and uninvited that is likely a waste of my time, will be unpleasant, and lead to lashing out.

Would you rather a guy approaches you at the bar or club where it's more "accepted"?

No I'd rather guys don't approach considering how I find most approaches and reactions to rejection to be. However to me considering that it's a social environment it's not as much as a pestering to me since they're generally not interrupting me on something.

Would you like to be approached by a guy at the gym?

No

Why would these girls want to separate themselves from a guy who may sweep her off her feet?

Probably because it seems more likely that the guy isn't going to sweep her off her feet sort of like why many people decide not to play the lottery.

"You know that those guys only want one thing"

This seems misleading to me as generally guys can only want one thing no matter where they approach. Plus just because a guy can want a relationship doesn't mean that's what he's offering to the random gal he approaches as he doesn't know her to know if he wants a relationship with her however he does know he is attracted to her and likely would f*ck her if given the opportunity.

[serp777]

Explains why approaching women is unsuccessful so often . Basically, a lot of guys won't get anywhere by being confident/initiating, and they also obviously won't get anywhere by not approaching . Girls don't approach guys, so what do you expect? The only logical route is to try and approach women. You'd certainly be complaining if no guys approached you at all, which is what you seem like you want.

Anyways, it sounds like you're angry at men and over exaggerating things a little bit.

[bDizzie]

Thanks for the thoughtful response. It's unfortunate that you have mostly had bad experiences with guys in the past. I have a couple thoughts..

It may be true that what first attracts a guy to a girl is her looks. But it's her personality that makes her relationship material, at least for the men. The boys may hit it and quit it.

I don't care how busy I am, I can always make time for a new experience. And I don't act offended if I am rejected. Too bad you've seen otherwise.

[udolipixie]

@serp777

"You'd certainly be complaining if no guys approached you at all, which is what you seem like you want."

This attitude is I don't want approaches. I'm unsure why it seems many guys think they're unwanted uninvited attention that is seen as bothersome is something to complain about when it's gone. Perhaps think of it as if it's me saying you'll missing getting approached by gals demanding you give them money thinking you should be so grateful that they graced you with their demand.

[udolipixie]

@QA

Egh I'm unsure what relevance 'it's her personality that makes her relationship material' has as nowhere did I suggest otherwise. If anything I implied such by saying him he doesn't know her to know if he wants a relationship with her. Boys or men likely if given the opportunity for sex they will take it.

Meh I want my new experiences to be enjoyable, entertaining, amusing, or pleasant and I find most approaches aren't that so to me why bother with increasing such experiences.

[bDizzie]

So how do you meet guys? (if you are single)

[udolipixie]

I meet guys through my social environment. I'm quite popular so I have lots of gals that consider themselves to be my friends and they have or know guys and I'm a sorority gal so there's guys at social events or parties.

Bit curious as to why you're asking this as I would have imagine most meet without random approaches. Are random approaches the sole/main way you meet gals as in you don't have a social environment, friends, family members, work, or school that have you socialize?

[bDizzie]

I don't want to limit myself to just my friends' friends and my coworkers. I want to be able to see somebody I want to talk to, and then go talk to them. I moved from Ohio to Florida so family members would not be able to help. I'm in grad school but there's not many women and they are either old or married. And I don't like online dating, too impersonal.

I'm not the most social person anyways, I go out and have fun with people, but I guess I'm a bit more introverted.

[udolipixie]

So it seems you don't have a social environment as I don't consider friends friends and coworkers to be a social environment. Understandably since it seems you're already limited in options that you wouldn't want to limit yourself further.

Bit curious as to what is 'old' considering your age range is 30 to 35 as it could be possible you're limiting yourself as I find most 30+ guys tend to be vastly skewed in dating much much younger yet only willing to consider slightly older.

[bDizzie]

I might be missing what you are saying when you say "social environment." I have friends and I went out with coworkers last Thursday night. I'm not mr. popularity though.

I'm one of those 'skewed' guys in your opinion. A girl 30+ is most likely too old for me. A girl that age was probably married and probably has kids. I want to start a family of my own someday! Plus I don't look my age. My friend is also 34 and he has a 23 year old girl who is crazy about him, but he is very charming.

[bDizzie]

... he is charming and I am not. She works with us. I wanted to get to know her but I made excuses and it never happened. I want to be able to talk to whoever I want and not hesitate and freeze up. That's why I was wondering about girls at the gym, but if they are annoyed by my approach then I'll know by their attitude and I'll go away. If they think I am too old for them, it's their loss.

[udolipixie]

Considering you're 30+ it's odd to state that a gal your age is too old for you. If you are a hypocrite in my opinion it's just suited to admit it rather than use bs justifications for your desire for older gals.

Meh I find lots of guys tend to be quite biased about their looks especially in regards to how young they look as well as they generally aren't held to the high unrealistic standards gals are so they tend to have even lower standards of what is not looking their age for guys.

[udolipixie]

* edit

Considering you're 30+ it's odd to state that a gal your age is too old for you. If you are a hypocrite in my opinion it's just suited to admit it rather than use bs justifications for your desire for younger gals.

Is your desire to start a family something new? If so it seems you might want to make a rush on it as despite what many people are misinformed about guys do have a biological clock. Just because a guy can father children in older age doesn't mean it's suited.

[udolipixie]

"If they think I am too old for them, it's their loss."...that seems a bit off and kind of like a sour grapes mindset considering you don't seem to think it's your loss in regards to thinking the 30+ gals your age are old.

Perhaps it's not their loss as you aren't suited for them unless your ego is so inflated you think that you know better than her about what is suitable for her. (?) Or they may want to start a family and you're too old in their minds as sperm tends to diminish in quality.

[lumos]

I don't go to the gym, but if I did, my sole purpose would be to work out, not to get hit on. I'm not exactly the most confident person on the planet either, so I'd rather not have guys pay any attention to me when I look all sweaty and gross. I would just want to get in there, work out for a while and then get out pretty much as fast as I can, preferably uninterrupted.

I get the whole healthy vs getting wasted argument, but I still wouldn't enjoy getting hit on at the gym. There's a time an a place for everything. Mingling at a gym is not ideal. If you're this concerned with girls only being irritated at you, refrain from approaching them when they're alone and doing their thing, and resort to approaching girls in a more social setting (and that doesn't have to be at a bar or a club, there are tons of different ways to socialize with other people).

[pr3ttybr0wn]

I wouldn't mind being approached by a cute guy at the gym as long as he wasn't annoying or disrespectful. Just don't bother me while I'm in the middle of my workout, stalk me around the facility waiting for a chance to talk to me, and if I have my headphones in don't tap me because it's rude because I don't like being interrupted. If I'm in my zone then I just don't wanna be bothered, simple as that. I could meet a guy who sweeps me off my feet anywhere so I don't feel like I'm missing anything if I don't get approached at the gym. the same guys who go to the gym also go to clubs and parties so you could meet that potential guy anywhere.

[Dandeus]

These responses are certainly amusing! You girls think you look your absolute worst, yet you're still being approached... That might be a sign that you don't look quite so bad as you seem to think.

Personally, I find it really appealing when women are working hard and too focused on whatever they're doing to worry about how they look. That could be a woman with her hair pulled back working long hours at her job, getting sweaty in the gym, getting dirty working in her garden. It makes you look capable and self sufficient, not some spoiled princess that wants everything to be done for her. You're often most appealing when you're not deliberately trying to be.

[Tatiahna]

Listen, I go to the gym for a reason and that's not to be talked to. I'm working out, sweating, gross, listening to music I don't want to be talked to I want to get in shape!

People go to bars and clubs specifically to be talked to, on the other hand. Chances are if a girl goes to a club she's trying to get a guy's attention. If a girl is working out she's not.

That's like asking why girls don't like to get picked up in a library or at a doctor's office or a grocery store. If I went there to get something specific done I wanna go in, get it done, then get out of there. I don't wanna mingle

[bDizzie]

Players talk to girls at the bars/clubs. You should allow yourself to be talked to in non-alcohol influenced situations. You could be swept off your feet at the grocery store!

[Tatiahna]

No, just don't do it. Maybe you should check out this article link you need to know when people want to be approached and when they don't.

[bDizzie]

I rarely do it but that's because of my own issues. I'm not crazy about that article. You can meet anyone, anywhere. Yes, if you do more things you like, you will meet people with common interests. Guess what, I like the gym. But you shouldn't limit yourself, if you want to talk to someone you should do it, maybe it will brighten her day!

[Tatiahna]

Okay.. I tried to help do what you want, but don't be crying to GAG asking why you always get rejected

[bDizzie]

Don't take offense, I asked this question on purpose. I knew I wasn't going to like the answers and I was going to question the responses. I still think girls should take it as a compliment anytime they are approached. And if they have a boyfriend or are not interested, they should politely say so.

I would love it if I were always being rejected, because that meant I was trying!

[iluvchewbucca]

I don't prefer to be approached anywhere where there's a crowd of people that can hear the conversation! lol especially because I'm shy.

I've had that happen to me at the gym and it really is uncomfortable because there's a lot of people, and when this happens, people around the situation tend to stare, and it turns into a very awkward moment. However, I find that being approached at the gym is far more real than in any other place. It makes me think the guy is actually interested in me, naturally! since I'm all un-done... and it's a plus considering if I caused an impression like that! then I can still wow them when I get all pretty to go out! As oppose to being approached at club where I'm already ready, and all I can do now is dress down.

[sadie-lynn]

when I go to the gym I want to workout. and I bring my ipod and headphones, and take the time between machines(which is like 10seconds maybe) to change music. plus since I go to those open 24hrs gyms and tend to workout later, being approached would be creepy. and when I go after work I just want to put the day out of my mind and focus on me. yeah I'm sweaty with a messy ponytail and I don't wear "cute" gym clothes because that's ridiculous; give me a tshirt and loose pants so I'm comfortable.

unless you work there and I 'm having some sort of machine problem, kindly leave me alone.

[rdrgzjcqln]

Well when I'm at the gym I usually have that game face on and I wouldn't mind if a guy approached me but I want to get my work out done. If he's approaching me when I'm all sweaty and no make up then hey lol he likes my natural beauty and that is a plus. But I wouldn't be mean to guy if he approached me while I was working out.

[EdibleCaramel]

Yesss thank you! That's why I love the gym girls are usually natural their. No make up no bull shit just pure woman at her rawest form of beauty no faking going on.!

[rdrgzjcqln]

:)

[bDizzie]

I like your attitude!

[rdrgzjcqln]

Olayyyyy lol

[JamielovesKU]

Maybe because they only went there to workout and leave and not talk to anybody or maybe they have a boyfriend and don't want any rumors being spread, that would be my guess.

[Prettygurl12]

I don't know about you but I look like crap at the gym. We're talking hair in a messy ponytail obviously put up with fingers, no make up (not that I wear any anyway), sweat stained shirts, red faces, sweat dripping down my face...wheezing from running 'cause I have mild asthmatic symptoms, and horrible groans of exertion from adding weight to my workout. I look like death. And probably smell like it too.

Picture all that? Yeah, not pretty.

[bDizzie]

Okay so we're seeing you at what you think is your worst, and we still want to meet you. Shouldn't that mean something?

[musicbrain5]

As much as I admire a guy's confidence when it comes to a cold approach like that, I wouldn't want to be approached or asked out by a guy at the gym (or anywhere, really) because I'm taken already. I don't expect a random guy to know that obviously, but there was one guy who got pissy over it.

Also, I don't really want my workout to be interrupted.

[bDizzie]

Well that one guy was a douche, but that's not all guys. Tell me you have a boyfriend and I say okay and I'm gone.

[musicbrain5]

Yeah, maybe he was desperate or something... probably not the sort of guy I would go out with anyways.

I'm engaged and I don't usually wear my ring to the gym (don't want to lose it). So I just tell that to guys who approach and they're cool with it.

[Lafemmedeschats]

I'm sweaty, gross,and tired. I came there to work out and I already feel self conscious being out in a public place huffing and puffing and I don't want anyone to acknowledge my existence at the moment. Haha

Some girls go there to be hit on but it seems many go just to work out. I think they feel like they can't focus on what they came to do.

[paxtonfun]

A girl approached me last week in the gym and she was very flirty, she said we should be running buddies since she does not want to run alone in the evenings and maybe could grab dinner after. I kinda thought she had some romantic endgame, not so much anymore after reading your answer. What do you think about my situation?

[Lafemmedeschats]

No girl says that if she is not interested

[RedSmartie]

The last time I want to be approached is when my hair's a mess, I'm not wearing makeup, and I'm covered in sweat. At least let a girl clean off first before you bug her.

[EdibleCaramel]

thats the best time to want to talk to a girl see who she really is, what she really looks like naturally also a glimpse of in the bed since your sweaty and hairs messy ;)

[BayHarborButcher]

I don't mind if a guy comes up to me at the gym as long as I'm not in the middle of working out. If he wants to talk to me he can do so before I start or after I'm finished.

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit of an introvert. Some things are my "me" time, and I feel like being left alone. At the gym I am focusing on me, I am sweaty, getting into the zone, just not in a social mood.

[douride2]

If a guy wants to talk workout or techniqueok if he's trying to pick me up go away.

[Harrison4073]

Well as a guy, I go to the gym to workout. I guess it is the same for them.

[Luv2run]

It's the most insecure place on the planet.

[bDizzie]

why?

[Luv2run]

Cause everyone is either being judged or judging. It's the most common place to do it. Plus guys are always there looking at you like you look so hot running on the treadmill with your face bright red.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they're just there to work out only

[Anonymous]

I rather workout