My little Step by Step Guide to Help Socially Awkward People

[TheBasil]

Please no critic without reason. My <3 cannot take it.

This is probably kinda obvious, but anyway.. being a social awkward person like myself I have made a guide to become better. I still only have one friend, but these lasts weeks i feel that i have made a lot of progress when it comes to talking to people.

So I really hope these tips will be useful to some of you!

Step 1: Have will and realistic goals

Of course. I am not saying you should be desperate and throw yourself at every person you meet. But go after people you are interested. Just do not expect to end up with ten friends and a super hot model girlfriend in a week. Have small goals and gradually increase them the more you manage so you will not get too disappointed if things do not go according to plan.

Step 2: Say something. Anything. Just say something!

The biggest mistake is going around thinking '' What if i say something stupid?'', '' What if that person hates me?'' etc.. do not overthink. Extroverted people say stupid thing all the time the only difference is that they notice it less.

Even if you do not know really know what to say just a couple of words into a conversation is good enough.

An example of a conversation is if someone is maybe talking about '' Oh, my favourite Christmas movie is, How the Grinch Stole Christmas'' then you can just butt into and say '' Have you seen, Love Actually? I found that movie very cute.'' Horrible example, but you understand kinda 😅 ...

Step 3: Stop judging and Start loving

If you are like me and often sit in the back, observe people and judge every little thing they do. Well NOT good! Judging people and thinking about how much you hate them then you will in the end completely isolate yourself which only comes back to bite you.

Step 4: Being shy is not 100% negative! Keep that in mind.

We observe

We think before doing

We are often very trustworthy

We can have just as good personality as extroverted people. It is just hard to find people you can open up to easily.

---

Nothing more to say I think. Anyway..

Good luck ;)

[oddwaffle]

Being an introvert and a loner, I quickly learn that people expect you to express yourself to them. However, I am only interested in some topics so I spend a lot of time just sitting there and never actually feel very connect to anyone including my family except my Dad.

One of the solution I came up with is to keep smiling. Smile, smile and smile. Practice it, read comedies, smile when you are with people or alone. It doesn't matter what you think, just keep smiling in front of people even if you look like a fool.

The 2nd thing is to think carefully before you speak and only speak when you needed to. As introverts, we often stay silent so we will spend a lot of time thinking about stuff. Distill those thoughts into complete sentences with flow and ideas, not just a jumble mess. If you keep smiling, people will notice you and will sometimes ask your opinion. Once they do, speak slowly and clearly with every word you have thought about. You will make mistake but keep doing it because your ideas will be a lot better than others because you have put a lot of thinking over them.

The most important part is don't be grumpy, moody or express boredom. Keep smiling and think carefully. Pretend to be interested in people and what they are saying. Just pick up their ramblings and form concrete ideas and opinions.

[RachelBrigs]

Get a service based job... even if you think it'll kill you. It changes how you feel about interacting with strangers

[ejx629]

@RachelBrigs good advice, I work in retail and it does help somewhat.

[Anonymous]

If you're truly introverted and you just want to be alone you shouldn't try to change who you are.

But if you're shy, and you're alone, maybe even comfortable being alone, but you secretly crave being social and just can't bring yourself to be that way. Well then it's not about changing who you are, it's about allowing yourself to be yourself.

Personally I don't know what I am.
I can go out and have fun and party and meet tons of people and it energises me and just makes me happy, truly happy.
And sometimes I can go out and just not want to be there, not want to talk to people and listen to what they have to say, could care less about their opinions and their life and having to interact with them just truly exhausts me, saps all my energy. And all I wanna do is be by myself and just work on stuff I wanna work on, do things I wanna do. But by myself.
It's an odd mix. I'm shy, overall I'm pretty shy, uptight and nervous, but I can be extroverted and relaxed with some practise.

My head is a constant flow of thoughts, endless thoughts. It's like my thoughts are a river, and there's a dam. And the only opening is my mouth where my thoughts can come out. And if I release the tidal wave of thoughts and just say whatever comes through, I just spew a ton of unrelated incomprehensible garbage haha. A bit of thought A, mixed with thought B and C, the end of thought A, something I forgot to add to thought B and thoughts E, F and G. And it's like that constantly, no structure, babbling like a retard.
So there's really something to be said for keeping quiet and fleshing out your thoughts. Sometimes in conversations I'll keep quiet and not say anything simply because I'm forming an opinion. And when people ask me what I think, well I honestly can't tell them because I'm still forming an opinion. If I was to tell them immediately my thoughts it'd just be a mess. So I try to formulate my thoughts better, with a structure.
Would love to be able to structure and let my thoughts loose in a split second like most normal people. But I can't cause I'm literally fighting to keep a billion other thoughts quiet while focusing on one...

Maybe there's something to be said for meditation and focus :D

[redgrave1740]

After I broke up with my girlfriend of 4 years I have been very quiet and to myself. I still was when I was with her and she found that interesting about me and she just melted when I would open up to her and tell her what I wanted to say but was to shy to talk to her. She would say awww I love you so much. But when I was with her and her friends guy and girls I would still be quiet and really only said hi to them and that was that. She obviously didn't want me to be like that but she knew how hard it was for me just to have the guts to talk to her which led to our relationship. It's hard to find people to open up to. I stay in touch with the ones that do and it seems that the ones I open up too are people who actually made an effort to talk to me and get to know me. Those people will always have a special place in my heart. 2 months ago I decided the time to attack my social anxiety was now and I have been working on it ever since. People have told me they see a big change in me. Mainly talking more and being myself more. It's hard but it can be done. :)

[ThisDudeHere]

Why did you broke up if I may ask?

[spuitkaas]

I think the last part is a bit unnecessary. It's not outgoing people don't observe or think before doing or are not trustworthy. I think being shy (and I mean shy, not introverted), really is something pretty much completely negative and will come back at you in your life. It's just having fear of talking to people. Because of that you'll miss so many opportunities. You can be quiet but being able to talk if necessary is fine, but being too scared to talk is not fine. Coming from a person who used to be extremely shy.

[mikemx55]

Completely agree on the missed opportunities. I feel I could've accomplished so much more if fear didn't take the words out of my mouth and didn't stop my actions...

[W31rd0]

Passing judgement is not necessarily a bad thing. We pass judgement all the time, and we share judgements not only to disparage/harm each other but also to rebuke each other for missing the mark. The catch is, not to overdo it.

Passing judgements on anything related sex and sexuality is very tricky, though. For that, it's best to keep the judgements to yourself, or you'll risk sounding offensive. When it comes to sexuality, people can get extremely sensitive and expect agreement or approval. If you secretly reject a person's sexual habits or beliefs and find them incompatible with your habits and beliefs, then it may be best to kindly decline the relationship and give a reason that has nothing to do with sexuality.

[broadsword]

What a wonderful take and shows the true value of gag enabling shy people to express them selves comfortably. In the best possible way I'd challenge your self labelling of socially awkward. Your simply very shy. I love shy people especially women. They generally have so much to say if people would only listen. It's thought full and considered. Ill let you into a little secret. Many extroverts a 're shy the compact it by creating a mask and having just enough confidence to use it.

[JustinX9]

Unfortunately women don't like shy guys

[broadsword]

@JustinX9 not true les women like shy guys but there are some that defiantly do. It's just a little harder to find one and hook up. You'll get there?

[JustinX9]

I don't know if I'll get there maybe yes when I reach around your age sir... women label shy guys as weak and submissive they always go for the extrovert guys even if they are assholes but not all

[broadsword]

@JustinX9 this purely your perception. When in your position it would take a very strong man indeed to not feel as you do. Let me assure you it simply isn't the case. Just try to be a little more open towards women. Don't try to hard as its not the true you.. Good luck you will get there. 😃

[JustinX9]

But I learned that being yourself is not enough

[Anonymous]

That step two picture haha.. I had only scrolled down so far and the bottom half of that little comic strip wasn't on screen and since I'm so used to reading japanese comics and going from the far right panel first and then moving left it made me crack up since that is what I do. Someone tells me that I should go out and hang I'm like okay, and then go back to doing what I was doing. I also think it's a lot more comical reading it from that perspective as well.

[Opinion Owner]

Speaking of the very first comic strip on step 2.

[TheGamingOne]

you also have people who are the quite type becuase they dislike people :P (hi)
i can't stand croweded situations, and becuase of this is have very few friends
However im not socially awkward at all, never have any problem with talking to people
I do agree that socially awkward people make the best people to talk to, they have thier own opinion thier own things, they are treuly unique
Unlike most media formed people nowadays

[ObscuredBeyond]

My life right now is a shy introvert's worst fears realized:

- Those certain coworkers that you're uneasy around...
- They really are trying to do all the bad things to you that made you so shy around them.
- They really do hate you that much.
- Your superiors really are in bed with your enemies, etc.

[genuinlysensitive]

Sounds like you are a fellow socially awkward introvert. It can be really hard, I know, I especially like the animal cartoon! My biggest problem is trying to change my thinking, like saying something stupid etc. Its just happened to me so many times, I say something stupid then everyone walks away and treats me like a weirdo. It even recently happened at my job. Serves me right for opening my stupid mouth :(

[93stepsawayfromhome]

Introversion ≠ shyness.
When you're introverted, you're often comfortable with staying alone. E. g. instead of going to a party, you'd rather read a book at home.
When you're shy, you don't really want to stay alone. E. g. you'd want to go to the party, but you don't because you think you'll freeze, or you go and sit in a corner and don't have a good time.

[Lonewolf_1296]

Spot on! I'd add that shyness is some sort of fear of rejection. Introverts generally don't give a heck if they'd be accepted or not while most shy people do actually wish they could get in the crowd.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

@Lonewolf_1296 Very true.

[Lonewolf_1296]

My friend, I'm sorry but re-reading your post, I realize that I just repeated what you said. I'm acting up right now, kind of missed some key words the first time.

[93stepsawayfromhome]

@Lonewolf_1296 Not really. You were making part of the same point but you added something to it.

[black_skinny_jeans]

Socially awkward vs introversion are two different things, I hope you know that. Otherwise the title would be completely misleading. On another note, this is a good take and I just wish it was a bit longer. Good job.

[TheBasil]

Thanks! and i know what introversion/ sosial awkwardness is, but details details x) I just liked some of the photos.

[TheBasil]

And by the way.
Often shy people are introverts too. Being alone all the time gradually made me become an introvert so.. yeah, i guess there are some extroverts who are shy too, but i thnk most shy people are introverts.

[broadsword]

Well said totally back that view.

[PutriWahyuni]

I really want to join my friends discussion, but sometimes I feel like they won't listen to me. That's why I love to stay alone. Also, I used to be alone since I was a little girl and spend my time mostly by myself, so yeah, I feel much more comfort when I am alone.

[Outofthegrey]

I'm glad that somebody else wrote a more sensitive guide on the matter. My guide was "Step 1: Get over it. Step 2: There is no step two".

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Well written basil
personalitygrowth.com/.../introvert3.jpg

[Starfishlover]

Can you do a take to help crazy ass people that scare the shit out of others? Aka me?

[Apotheosis]

love this post! I am very shy and introverted, and I actually kind of love it :)

[abundantlyrich]

Outgoing people will naturally gravitate to outgoing people.

[abundantlyrich]

Maybe there need to be a shy people's club so they can all support in each other or something.

[Anonymous]

This mytake was good until the last part had nothing to do with the title it just explained what you thought socially awkward people do and you seem to think that introverts are synonymous with socially awkward people

[John_Doesnt]

I gave up awhile ago. It's not worth the effort for me to become social.

[Pinkbeauty]

nice mytake 😊 I feel socailley awqward to some times