My Biggest Fear in Life

[Anonymous]

Some may have a fear of heights, others of insects, others of airplanes, others of clowns etc. My fear, on the other hand, is that I might grow up and be like my parents one day.

Yes, you read that right, I'm afraid of turning out to be a parent that will end up treating my kids the same way my parents treated me.

Allow me to elaborate. I grew up in a strict household where pretty much everything was off limits. My parents overprotectiveness was over the top and was slowly driving me insane.

My mother had a pretty rough childhood, her mom never cared enough and always set her to the side and used to throw away all her things and have her clean the house and work around like a servant. My mom constantly complained about her childhood. You would think that she might have made a promise to herself (which apparently she did but did not keep) to not treat her children that way, but sadly my mom did to us (and is doing) what her mom used to do to her.

Me being the middle child does not help either. I have never been the center of attention and I've always felt like I never belonged because of how everyone at home treats me. I feel like a burden and I feel unwanted. It's a terrible feeling.

I made a promise to myself to never treat my kids the same way my mom and the rest of my family treated me. But I'm scared. What if I'll eventually turn out to be just like my mother? I don't want that. I don't want my kids to feel unloved and unwanted. It's a terrifying feeling and I just don't know what to do. But I will try and stick to my promise. I've suffered enough growing up and I've been through so much hell but I know that my fears hopefully will not come true and I will be the best parent to my kids in the future.

[joeb73]

i'm so sorry to hear your pain and anguish you went threw growing up. what i'm about to say is hard but i went thew some of the same thing you did but in different ways. how to be a parent for the most part is taught. your grand parents never thought your mom with in turn never taught you. that is a cycle that happens all to frequently. but in one big way you are above them do to you see what is wrong and your strong enought to change it. yes there will be some bumps in the road were you will see your self acting like she did, but its ok your trying to learn something that was never taught to you. if and when you do make though misstate talk to your kids and say your sorry and tell them you love them young kids do understand because they want your love and in doing so it shows them if you make a mistake its OK and no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
please don't be so hard on yourself. i can tell by what you wrote your a loving and caring person you just might have a hard time showing it. if you were not you would never have wrote this.

[RedRobin]

I feel like I had a very similar upbringing. I'm the middle child too and I've always felt unwanted by most of my family. I was honestly terrified of my mum growing up, she was so manipulative she made me believe I wasn't allowed to do anything without her permission. I know she didn't want to turn out like her mum but he did in the end so I'm just afraid that I won't be able to do it either.

[IamCuriousGeorge]

I really doubt you'll end up like your parents. You'll end up what you want to be, and responsibility is a very good thing to teach your kids, but, not enough to treat them like slaves.
Also, since you feel like you don't feel like you belong in the family, have you thought maybe your siblings thought or felt the same as well? Even though they are hiding behind that smile they are possibly giving.
I don't know how close you are to your siblings, but you should try asking them how they feel about the family, and see maybe if you can talk to the parents to create a solution to this family problem.

[Accipiter]

Well it sounds to me like you're at least aware of what not to do when you raise a family. That's a good start. Neither of us know whether or not your mother actually made a promise to herself not to raise her children the same way she was brought up. There's a chance your mother made no such promise, and brought you up the only way she knew how. Don't freak yourself out; realization is half the battle.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

If your biggest fear is something that you can control as well as something that has almost no moral affect on how you consciously act, then I think you don't have much to worry about. It's not like you have a legit fear in terms of some external shit happening to you like getting eaten by a bear or some shit.

[MargaritaPeach]

Fear can be our most powerful motivator. You can be the one to break the cycle of abuse. That is a great accomplishment and an impressive legacy to leave behind. I am sorry that your family has struggled and suffered, and I wish you all of the best things that life has to offer.

[Anonymous]

First off, I totally understand this. My parents were barely around when I was growing up because they worked away. The 17 year old Mexican girl they paid to babysit me was more of a parent than them. I sometimes feel I've let them down, but then I realize it was them who let me down. I can tell you'll never be the mother your mother was to you, you're too aware of her failings.

[babu_001]

People who were molested in their childhood become child molesters when they grow up.

It's like almost the same.

Try getting a job then get out from your parents house & marry a good person.

[twobitcoder]

Kids giving advice to kids about parenting. It's like the damn Lord of the Flies here.

[golani]

i can safely say one of my biggest fears is losing my hair, but right next to that is being a bad parent. there is no right or wrong way to be a parent because every human is different.

[xxcchhllaauu]

all my fears have come true and I live with them always behind me close by

[MCkart]

You won't.